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#410258 - 09/16/12 02:17 AM I'm tired of being gay
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
that is all
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Thriving

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#410267 - 09/16/12 04:15 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey man hang on, I'm sorry if you feel so bad frown
Please talk to us and get out all that is on your back...
I hope some of guys would jump in too with some empathy and love, we are here to give support to each other.
Here is my hug for you
(((mogigo)))

Pero
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#410275 - 09/16/12 09:04 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
You ok? Something up in Boulder?
I know you guys can work out anything.
But, I do understand tired. Plain, simple, tired. My advice - try to find something you enjoy - favorite music - favorite hiking place .. even go and sit in the shade and enjoy the clear air. Please don't let depression get a wrangle hold on you.

I don't know if I've ever seen you down - for what it's worth, I'm here if you want to talk, unload, or just "be".
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#410342 - 09/17/12 01:22 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks guys, I was working with a guy yesterday that I've worked with for more than a year and I like him, but he doesn't know I'm gay. We were just clowning around and I said 'gotta pay the gate keeper' and he came back with 'what, did you say gotta pay the gay keeper hahaha'

and it made me tired, it made me disappointed, it made me sad.

Thank you for letting me get it out, I know it's not that bad, but I just kinda liked this guy, and he was so sure that I should be insulted that he might think I'm gay, he's a great guy, but even they feel that being gay is an insult. smile Tired....I'm just tired.

Thank you gents for listning to me rant

Mike
stay strong
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#410356 - 09/17/12 09:27 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Michael,

I understand better now, thanks for the clarification. It can be very difficult when others joke or make little over something are working/have worked to learn to accept. Something that is an "in-born" part of who we are.

Anytime you want to rant - I have two ears and I'm told they're fairly good sized (lol) but I do know they do a good job of listening.

If sorry for the pain, even if it wasn't some major thing - disappointments hurt.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#410484 - 09/18/12 01:30 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks Mark, I appreciate it.

Sending hugs and love
Stay strong
Mike
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#410599 - 09/19/12 05:36 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Probably doesn't address your stuff directly, Mike, but I found that being closeted, no matter how little, was tiring...having to watch what I said, how I behaved, etc. I felt I was constantly invalidating myself around people who invalidated me. In that sense, I'm with you.

Personally, I need more than that. A lot more.

I've lived for a number of years now in a very gay community. I have some friends who live elsewhere because it's "too gay" - can you stand it? - for them. Well, phine for them. But, for me, living here means I don't have to expend any energy on being "straight-acting". I have the freedom to be 100% myself.

Oh, occasionally there might be some macho type at 7-Eleven who makes the mistake of making a homophobic comment. And, quite honestly, it's pretty damn satisfying to see his reaction when he realizes he's in a store full of [angry] queers.

Nor is it that far removed from the way I felt as a CSA kid versus the feeling I now have watching the squirming of the institutions who protected the perp.

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#410645 - 09/19/12 03:34 PM * [Re: mogigo]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:12 PM)

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#410648 - 09/19/12 04:01 PM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
ig3 Offline


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 54
I understand what you are saying, it is so hard to hide one's identity or attraction in everyday life. Know that you are not alone, hang in there. Maybe one day we will live in a world free of homophobia. I like to think that we are moving in that direction.

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#410694 - 09/20/12 01:37 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks Gary, my life has changed so much since I came out at thirty..freaking...nine. But you are right, I still didn't speak out, I was still scared. Not of violence or rejection, just because I didn't want an uncomfortable situation, sigh. My entire work know's who I am except him. Sigh I'm even afraid of uncomfortable, even a co-worker after I said 'I don't like to make it an issue' said " it's not an issue, and he's going to be mortified when he finds out" I'm still nervous about something so miniscule.

lot's to think about, I think I will say what needs to be said, two minutes of un-comfortableness will be worth it. He likes me, he just doesn't know. Maybe it will change a mind...he's a republican lol wink

Stay strong
Mike
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