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#411118 - 09/22/12 11:19 PM Re: Tired of Keeping it all Inside [Re: Quixote0028]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1038
I think I was 5-7, but I don't remember anything. You're most certainly not alone.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#411159 - 09/23/12 03:30 PM Re: Tired of Keeping it all Inside [Re: Quixote0028]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother, Neil.

Welcome to MS.ere you will receive compassion, understanding & hope, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends in pain.

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries. We will help in your fears & share in your tears.

Be prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. You are on your way.

Remembering timeline of events is a huge problem for some of us, however it also becomes a stumbling block for us. I suggest to you either buy the book Victims No Longer, by Mike Lew, or perhaps your local library has a copy. It will be of tremendous help for you. Here I will excerpt a few sentences for you. It's in chapter 7, page 106. Credit this to Mike Lew & his book.
"I can't go on with my life until I know "exactly" what happened." Maintaining this belief distracts the individual from the task at hand--healing the hurts of childhood. He becomes obsessed with remembering. Success or failure, health or pathology, normality or abnormality---all are judged by the degree to which the abuse can be recalled.

A competent therapist will be able to bring you along slowly letting those buried memories come to the surface. Your inner child will ever so slowly remind you about the abuse, making sure that you are emotionally & mentally prepared & not to get you too overwhelmed in the process.

So, my fraternal brother, Neal, wishing you well in healing.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.
Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#411162 - 09/23/12 04:32 PM Re: Tired of Keeping it all Inside [Re: Quixote0028]
GT13568 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 123
Loc: California
Originally Posted By: Quixote0028
I don't remember exactly when the abuse started or when it ended. I do remember certain memories. My father on top of me, the feeling of his stubble on my face and body, and his intimidating stare the morning after.

I guess I came here trying to find anyone else who has the same issue...


Hello Neil,

Your words ring very true to me. I was 47 when I could finally face what my dad did to me, and I began with similarly fragmentary memories and only feeling that something was wrong, that something had happened to me when I was a kid. I have gotten back some memories and have been told things by a family member that I don't recall.

In the absence of more, I have learned to trust my feelings regarding the abuse and not require the evidence of memory. Learning to trust myself has been the biggest struggle in my life - and the most powerful thing I have accomplished.

I think trust is what abusers take from us. There are huge amounts of doubt in all the stories I have read at MS - of events, of feelings, of self worth - and yet the evidence is that these are brave, strong men, men I respect. I wondered whether this meant that I might be equally brave, strong and worthy of respect... Finally I had to believe in myself and stop searching for facts. It was that or let the abuse win. It takes a leap of faith every day.

Over the past five years I've come a long way. I have spent a lot of time here, at MS, often simply as a visitor, reading and taking comfort and strength from the stories of men like you and me who are finding our ways. The wealth of experience in this place is an unmatchable resource, as you have already found in the responses to your post.

As petercorbett said, the next few years will be "the emotional roller coaster ride of your life"

I am glad to meet you, you are brave and strong. You made your way here, and you are strong enough to look for answers, you will make your way through. And when you it's difficult, ask for help and encouragement. The people in this place are amazing.

Geoff

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