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#411046 - 09/22/12 10:09 AM A little help?
Catsman Offline


Registered: 08/27/12
Posts: 2
If this is in the wrong place I'm sorry. Didn't know where to go. I was at my psychiatrist office on Thursday morning. AQbout 2/3 way through, things went in a hole. We were discussing some emotional abuse issues with my mom. I broke. I forgot where and when I was. My memories are a bit fragmented but it seems I was a 10 year old apologizing for everything I could think of. If anyone else here has ever had a dissociative event, I am so sorry. It is the seaciest thing I can think of. To be in one body, but in two times at once. Going back and forth. Part knowing it was wrong but continuing to answer questions as though I was a child in another city. Resteraunts, churches, shopping just everything. As though I was back in Nashville growing up.Spent a couple of days in hospital. I know where I am But still, emotionally, a good bit of fear, anxiety and suspicion. My mom is slowly dieing and probably won't be around to the end of the year. She is no way herself. Dementia and advanced diabetic complications. Seems there was never a good or right time to try and work on issues.Sexual abuse was bad enough, but when you can't turn to your only parent for support. That only makes it worse. Getting jittery. More later.

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#411129 - 09/23/12 04:38 AM Re: A little help? [Re: Catsman]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3211
Loc: back in the USA
hey, Catsman!

this place is fine to say what you are saying. i am glad you are reaching out. that is a good thing to do. we all need each other. i was just able to get on here and hope i can at least let you know that someone out there cares. i am so sorry to hear about your difficulties recently. i can't say i have experiecnced quite what you described but have been through enough stuff of other varieties that i can relate.

that also stinks - about your mom not being able to be there for you. is there someone else at home or nearby that you can lean on?

try to be gentle with yourself and take it as easy as you can. lots of guys here can understand and - though it's not the same as being there in person - will do whatever we can to help.

PM me if you like. i am in a different time zone from most on these forums - 12 hours ahead of Eastern Standard Time - so i'm often here when others aren't or not here when others are.

here for you,
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#411132 - 09/23/12 04:55 AM Re: A little help? [Re: Catsman]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3211
Loc: back in the USA
i just noticed that you originally posted this in the Survivor Stories section. i was wondeering why no one had answered you yet. that is why - that forum does not allow responses - so one of the moderators must have moved your post to the Male Survivors section. that is a better place to get feedback. now you should get more answers.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#411136 - 09/23/12 07:26 AM Re: A little help? [Re: Catsman]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
I have had dissociative events; I've had trouble talking about my abuse with my parents; and my memory is totally shattered.

I've never time traveled to Nashville, but I can understand the situation. I've certainly been in situation where I've felt like two ages at once, or rather my younger self takes over my body and I've left in the back-seat to observe younger me in control.

Hang in there. You're not alone.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#411137 - 09/23/12 07:43 AM Re: A little help? [Re: Catsman]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 844
Loc: Northeast, USA
Catsman,

It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now. Your mother is dying and you're re-experiencing your traumatic past at the psychiatrist's office. I wonder if they have something to do with one another. If you're going to have a dissociative event though, a psychiatrist's office is a good place to have one. At least you are safe and someone is witnessing it, which I think is important for healing. I'm sure your psychiatrist must have been able to see just how traumatizing it was for you when you were 10 years old by how you went back to that time in his/her office.

From what you've described, it sounds like you went through a very difficult time as a child. I'm sorry for that. No one deserves that kind of abuse (emotional, physical, sexual or otherwise). I can understand why you were scared when you went back to that time. Understanding your experience as a dissociative event may help alleviate your fears. I think being able to remember the dissociative event is a good thing. If you had dissociated completely I don't think you would have been able to remember what happened. I don't think it is unusual for people to experience "reliving the past as if it's happening in the present" when recounting traumatic events in the past. Trauma has that effect on us.

Hope this helps,

Casmir
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#411228 - 09/24/12 09:10 AM Re: A little help? [Re: Catsman]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 997
There's a quote from William Faulkner that is relevant here. "The past isn't dead. It isn't even past."

For Faulkner and the characters in his universe, this has a lot to do with the ghosts of the Civil War and the trauma experienced by the South as a whole in losing the war.

For us, the trauma is personal instead of social, but the sentiment is the same. Our past isn't past; it's alive inside of us.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#411240 - 09/24/12 11:30 AM Re: A little help? [Re: Catsman]
Dragon Boy Offline


Registered: 09/18/12
Posts: 29
Loc: uk
I hear you Catsman. I have been in similar situations. Not quite the same but close enough to know how terrifying it must have been for you. Things sound really tough going through all that while your mother is dying in the present time. It's hard enough wading through the past without those complicating ossues in the present. I understand that well enough.

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