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#410998 - 09/21/12 08:46 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Jude]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11183
Loc: Denver, CO
Country, it's alright if we have disagreement, and some of your points I find agreeable. As for "Consider everyone as equal and donít think that youíre better than anyone else," I think if we all remember this point in the survivor perspective, we would also see ourselves as no worse than anyone else. It took me a long time to stop minimizing my abuse compared to others (in other words they had it worse than me, I should just stop complaining about it, for example). I hope that makes sense.
_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#411007 - 09/21/12 10:24 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Jude]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Yeah it makes sense Texan
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#411060 - 09/22/12 01:31 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Country]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 856
Loc: Kc,Mo
I have stayed away from the topic because I do not feel the need to defend myself . I do however want to clarify that I cast Judgment on no one . I did not say you are going to hell or this or that I simply stated that I thought sin was the culprit of guilt. guilt is a built in mechanism in my OPINION It is Gods warning system that the laws that he has place on everyone mans heart are not in line . Some is pushed on people to break them down and I understand that . I will not comment on what people have said about me and accused me of this or that for it is irrelevant , for God is my judge I let no man condemn me for there is no condemnation for those who love God and are called according to his good and perfect will. Not putting myself above anyone or anything just confident in what I believe that is all nothing more or nothing less.


I wrote about this a long time ago in the is masturbation a sin in the spirituality forum , and as you can tell there was compassion there was a humbling of myself so this is something that you can go take a peak at if you want. Do not go there and read it though if it is going to trigger you or cause you to act irrational . I learned a long time ago here not to react out of emotion I have given it some time and some days to even post , let the calm come in and I to have flew things out there that i could not take back and as a result I have had some good relationships formed here on the board . Because of learning and growth


This is something I wrote a couple of years ago I went to it and it was not there so went to edit it and suddenly it appeared again but anyway there it is
My take on Sin and masturbation


Here is another link in the Is masturbation a sin topic
that I wrote in April in another forum that had this same topic even though this was not the were I thought this topic would go it has so I will at least elaborate on my thoughts if you are willing to listen

My post in another forum on masturbation being sin

Might I add that just because it is my belief that something is sin does not make me blameless or above measure because the bible says we ALL sin and fall short. Just no that i do not view myself as king ,jury,judgment sealer or anything like that I am in the same struggle as everyone else I sin just as much as the next guy . Sinner saved by grace , nothing i did would amount to a hill of beans .



Edited by nltsaved (09/22/12 02:28 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
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http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#411063 - 09/22/12 01:53 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Country]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
removed per user


Edited by ModTeam (05/02/13 01:46 PM)

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#411064 - 09/22/12 02:05 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: nltsaved]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
removed per user


Edited by ModTeam (05/02/13 01:45 PM)

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#411067 - 09/22/12 02:19 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Jude]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 856
Loc: Kc,Mo
I stayed away because I needed to make sure I was not going to throw fuel on the fire , I can not help what people respond to I can not help how people are going to interpret what I said the way they did . It was reactions that were out of my control when I did check the thread it had Blown up there were nasty things said and raw emotion that was being spewed out and I was not going to get involved into that and cause further damage . If the issue was that big of a deal why would you not just send a pm and discuss it rationally but i understand everyone is in a different place in there healing and i to have blown up only to calm down reflect and approach things differently and it has allowed me to have a better understanding of people one in particular was Magellan and we discussed it in a pm and got to common ground and i am grateful for that for it allowed me to grow and become more controlled which is the approach I chose and have gotten some pms and I hold nothing against anyone for they are free to have their own opinions and i respect that everyone has a voice if it is something i disagree with you do not see me on here calling people this or that no i simply disagree and that is that . You can disagree just not be disagreeable that is how i feel . If you do not feel that , I have no problem with that .

My intent is never to harm anyone and anyone one who knows me on here should have picked that up . All one needs to do is read my post on here and you will find that I care deeply for people on here and if they disagree with me on anything that is find and dandy with me they have that right they have that option . I always say if my God allows me to have free will than I extend that to anyone I do not shove this down anyone's throat. I never say it is this or nothing I simply state my opinion and there is nothing wrong with that and how do you no if i did not pm people in this process ? It was all emotion I do care for people but I also no when saying nothing is better than speaking . Sometimes saying nothing is better because if i respond in the same tones what is that accomplishing besides more hatred and discord .


Edited by nltsaved (09/22/12 02:20 PM)
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#411069 - 09/22/12 02:26 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: DannyT]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 856
Loc: Kc,Mo
Originally Posted By: DannyT
Hi guys,

I'm really surprised by the weird tension in this thread, so in the interest of unravelling a bit of it, here's what I see:

1. A question was asked, openly looking for answers: But when I need to relieve myself I feel like a little kid, ashamed of what I'm doing. Any ideas what thats all about?

2. One of us, trying to engage, openly answered the open question with his honest opinion "Sin." Then said take it or leave it, it's my 2 cents.

3. People began to react to the implications. And then the judgments started. Suddenly nitsaved is the icon of irresponsible religion mongering instead of the one who gave us worthy response. If you think about it calmly, sin could very well be a reason why someone would have shame over masturbation. That fact doesn't mean that sin is Garydosh's issue, but it sure is a worthy part of the general answer to the question.

4. As members of this group, we need to be aware of the way triggers work and realize that we can't control being triggered by trying to pre-censor other members of the group. We can't read each others' minds, so we can't be perfect in our communication. That means we need to watch our reactivity and ask questions before presuming someone means the thing we're upsetting ourselves about. For example, someone might've asked, "Are you really saying that all masturbators are going to hell?" And the response to this would have taken the thread in an interesting direction. I'm now picturing an afterlife support group of people burning in the firey furnace and sharing their regrets.

5. On the other hand the whole conversation is on track isn't it? After all, masturbation is a cultural shame in this country and the history is probably puritan and involves a lot of censorship.

I hope this is helpful,

Danny





I really thought this was spot on
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#411070 - 09/22/12 02:29 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Jude]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1792
no one wants to harm anyone but it happens. my priest made me feel special and wanting his approval. he taught me to love the things he did to me. everyone says it is wrong. why if so wrong does it seem right? help how could he do this to us.


Edited by KMCINVA (09/22/12 02:39 PM)

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#411072 - 09/22/12 02:39 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Jude]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
nltsaved,

I'm glad you came back to do some clarification.

I want to briefly clarify something as well:

Your answer
"already no this will Not be the popular answer but I call it for what it is

SIN"....

I don't see any empathy or compassion in this answer. It is short, blunt, terse, and bears no witness. There is no sharing of personal experience. There is no thoughtful reflection shared, or compassion offered. You start your answer off with "I already know this will not be popular..."

The question was asked with humility and shame and I believe a more responsible response would have been to include acknowledgement, and empathy.

You have admitted in other posts that you know religion is a hot button topic and that senses can be inflamed. Religion is a trigger point for a huge lot of us here at MS. I know that you know this. Was that not taken into consideration when answering Gary's question regarding shame? It doesn't appear so, to many of us.

This is why I responded the way I did, and I surmise why Gary responded the way he did and why many others take grievance with how the answer was submitted in the first place.

Healthy relationships, I have come to learn, require a sensitivity to the person(s) you're relating to. If you know a group of people have a sensitive trigger point around religion, perhaps a kinder way to have a relationship with that group of people is to have some sensitivity to that?

If you are in disagreement with this, that is fine. I don't take offense. But I believe that when we take other people's known behaviors and trigger points into consideration, we can be far more supportive and loving of one another in our healing journeys together.

Offered humbly,

D
_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#411075 - 09/22/12 02:52 PM Re: All Guys Do It [Re: Jude]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 856
Loc: Kc,Mo
That is a huge part of the dilemma for us survivors what was done and taught to us was "right" even though it was deceitful and dishonest . These things no one should have been taught by anyone and because adults are the authority and we should be able to trust and believe what the say is true only to come to find out that what they have done is completely destroy our sense of what truth is. Just because you feel a certain way does not make it truth . You were told that this is truth and the fact that it was a false truth is why you struggle . The trust factor the feelings that went along with it , hell it does feel good so that even makes it even harder to separate these things .

How could something feel so good that it is wrong but it is in fact wrong to molest a child but as a child you do not have the capability to rationalize like an adult . The adult knows without a shadow of a doubt it is wrong but is lead and overcome by his or her own passion and lust and desires with reckless disregard for the damage that is being done.


Instead of living in a healthy environment our normal became what ever our environment dictated to us so not everyone understands why we do feel like these things might be considered "normal" because for us it was our normal .

To someone who has not experienced these traumas will not be able to understand because there "normal" did not consist of these acts.

You just have to learn to unlearn the unhealthy things and replace them with healthy things . For me unlearning was renewing my mind in Christ for others it is therapy for others it is reading and understanding the effects of abuse or all of the above . Just no that you are not alone and that you can heal it just takes a lot of work
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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