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#410661 - 09/19/12 07:41 PM A nothingman
Still Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Not wanting to hijack...and being too stupid, self-centered or dain-bread to remember lessons...

I'm sorry. I've got this ice-pick stuck through my heart...prison-yard shank maybe? They stick me with it each and every time I see the dream. The dream I dreamt as a kid, and achieved as an adult. A normal woke me up and the entire world of normals kicked me out of that dream. It seems I made a fatal mistake.

Nothing so dread-full...nothing so horrid....nothing so guilt-ridden as "Disclosure" as a topic. The "B" word too...but that's 10-times worse.

I worked a booth at the fair. I watched all the families I've known forever. Couples...coupling happily, kids and carriages, balloons, smiles.

Its not all fun and fireworks. . .this CSA thing can have some sad aspects too.

Not "throw me into the chipper/shredder" sad. More like "ease me into the chipper/shredder" sad.

Its a death penalty you know. Having your soul ripped-out as a sex-toy. Its the death of your entire future. It truly is...and I've yet to see the exception...sorry.

Losing the love of your life for a betrayal you never thought was...is who's fault? I only care for the benefit of those not quite there yet.

Never knew disclosure was optional...disclosure yes...disclosure no. Its like "do you want to ease into the chipper-shredder feet-ferst, or head-ferst?"

Oh yes....there was sex out of marriage. But at 10yo....you just never quite see that wedding reception down that road. So 10yo-sex. yeah.

Disclosure! Its what's for dinner!

Losing ALL...its what the perps do to untold numbers of F&F.

When the guardian-ad-litem for my kids was strong-arming me into giving-up the battle to keep some sort of contact with my kids, he said, (in the nicest mode of nasty, aggressive "fk u loser" sarcasm) "Get a Dog!!" He, an officer of the court, actually told me to "get a dog and get over being kicked outta life." Paid him about $25,000 too.

I'm not faulting either Survivor or Signif-others and spouses. There's only ONE person to be blamed, and it aint either spouse. Its the perp. The outcome and lives ruined is reason enough for me to be completely fine with the chipper/shredder from the perp.

Let me be clear. I'm fully against vigilante actions that do not involve chipper/shredders.

I hope all the betrayal discussions and disclosure wrangling finds definite answers, cuz guys like me really need to know before they end up like me.

Sorry...not felt this crushed and heart-stabbed in weeks.

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#410683 - 09/19/12 11:45 PM Re: A nothingman [Re: Still]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 243
Loc: us
Robbie,

I have read some of your posts, the weight of what you have lost sounds like it is crushing you, and understandably so. How much can one soul take? But please keep fighting, you men inspire me.
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