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#410501 - 09/18/12 09:45 AM worried
blizake24 Offline


Registered: 06/14/12
Posts: 11
Loc: Georgia
Hello, I'm 25 years old, married to a wonderdul woman and blessed with a almost nineteen year old son. I was sexually abused by my uncle from the ages of nine to about thirteen. The only people that know about my abuse are my wife and my therapist. In therapy, I have begun EMDR, and it seems to be helping, although I tend to become impatient sometimes with the speed of healing.

Within the last month or so, I have been having erectile issues during sex with my wife. I start off fully erect with no issues then midway through, I lose all erection. I cant figure out why this is happening. And it kills me that I can't explain it to my wife.I want her so bad but I can't perform and its really getting to me. So, after the last time of disappointment, she made the comment that we just shouldn't have sex for awhile.

I know my wife has sexual needs and so do I. I just don't know what to do. It's such a uncomfortable subject for me and when we try to discuss it I clam up, just like with everything that makes me uncomfortable. I love her with all my heart and I hate jt when she is unhappy. Someone please give me some advice.

Blizake24
_________________________
May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future...

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#410503 - 09/18/12 10:04 AM Re: worried [Re: blizake24]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Blizake,
I'm sorry that you are have such difficulties frown
Have you talk about erectile problems with your T, that could be connected to your therapy?
I'm sure that there is some solution for your problem.
It is great that you have supportive wife.
In any case there are ways to be sexual with partner trouhg touches and without regular intercourse...
Please keep searching your answers further and try not to be so down...

Pero
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My story

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#410509 - 09/18/12 11:01 AM Re: worried [Re: blizake24]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Sorry to hear you are going thru this issue. It can be very rough on a man when this happens. There are alot of things that can cause this. Most of what we have issues with is mind related as has nothing to do with our wives. It just shatters a man when they fill they are not satisfying their wife. Then it turns to anger. There are several herbs that can help the libido and also if this keeps happening I would def go to the doc.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#410517 - 09/18/12 11:32 AM Re: worried [Re: blizake24]
blizake24 Offline


Registered: 06/14/12
Posts: 11
Loc: Georgia
Thank you pero and country. I am also having issues with being affectionate and that is so out of character for me. The past abuse is just making things horrible and I'm so sick of it. None of these problems even existed before I came out about ny abuse.
_________________________
May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future...

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#410518 - 09/18/12 11:53 AM Re: worried [Re: blizake24]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Hey blizake,

Thanks for sharing. You're bringing up an important issue that's sadly kind of common among survivors, and is actually kind of common everywhere. I'd talk about it with your therapist and your physician so you can nail down the cause.

By the way, it's fairly common, when a person starts to deal with sexual trauma, for some things to get worse, in a sense, before they get better. Stay strong. Keep healing. Don't give up on sex. This is something that you MUST take up with a professional, because it will help you take the load off your mind. At this point, you might be having performance issues because you're worried that you'll have performance issues.... Or maybe you just have low blood pressure. For me, when I started therapy, my blood pressure dropped down to normal/low from borderline high, where it had been for years? Why? I'm not sure. But I think because the stress of keeping my abuse hidden simply stressed me out. So all of a sudden, when I started therapy, I'd stand up and get light-headed. I thought something else might be wrong, but it just turned out to be low blood pressure.

Good luck.

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#410521 - 09/18/12 11:56 AM Re: worried [Re: blizake24]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on buddy,
I'm sure that trough therapy those problems would be reduced.
Therapy sometimes looks like bringing old problems to surface with a lot of unknown consequences, but it should get better with time.
Those problems heavily impact you so please try to talk about all that with your T

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#410524 - 09/18/12 12:30 PM Re: worried [Re: blizake24]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1481
Loc: New England
Dear Blizake,

I'd reccomend talking to both your T and your doctor as there can be different causes of ED at different times of life. Theres nothing like losing an erection at a critical moment to deflate a guys ego, but don't lose heart. You'll get it back and it will work! In the meantime try loving touches and don't allow it to come between you and the wife.

Gary
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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