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#410458 - 09/17/12 10:41 PM Hello, My Name Is Chris
FatChris Offline


Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 5
As I write this introduction I am fighting off this urge to leave. I'm not sure if I want to go down this road, but my gut is telling me I need to. Anyway, since this is an introduction - Hi, my name is Chris and I am a survivor. I think survivor is what I am supposed to call myself. I have kept a secret for more than 19 years that I have only recently thought seriously about revealing to people. Before I can talk about this to family and friends I MUST first figure out if I can talk about this with strangers. I think this is all I want to say at this moment.

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#410460 - 09/17/12 10:46 PM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Welcome, Chris!

this is a good first step. well done in having the courage to do this. i have found the resources here - and especially the community of other guys who understand and are supportive and encouraging and empathetic - to be a huge help in my progress. hope you experience the same.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#410462 - 09/17/12 11:15 PM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
FatChris Offline


Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 5
Thanks for the welcome lee.

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#410464 - 09/17/12 11:29 PM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1354
Hi Chris,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

It is understandable that you are feeling like you want to leave before you ever say a word. That is actually very common. I know for me, as long as I don't actually say the words I can minimize or deny things. Saying the words somehow makes it more "real." It is also scary because once said, the words cannot be taken back.

But doing those things are what helps us heal. Talking about what happened, acknowledging that it was as bad as we thought it was - perhaps it was even worse than we let ourselves realize. Dealing with the uncertainty and the anxiety of not being able to take back those words also helps us heal and grow.

Scary?

Absolutely.

You are absolutely under no pressure here. Everything you do or say is at your own pace. Choice was once taken from you. Here, everything you do, you do as a matter of choice. Take things at a pace which is comfortable for you, or as comfortable as it can be, given the subject matter.

You do not say whether or not you are in therapy. If you feel therapy is an option, there are resources available. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping. Psychology Today has listings of therapists for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.

Again, welcome to MS.




Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#410472 - 09/18/12 12:22 AM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
FatChris Offline


Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 5
Thanks for the welcome Anomalous.

To answer your question, no I am not in any sort of therapy and honestly I have never given it much thought. I guess I will start out with this forum and then go from there.

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#410473 - 09/18/12 12:25 AM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Excellent, excellent first step Chris. A heartfelt welcome. Anomalous gave you the rundown. I don't think any of us "want" to be here - who the hell wanted this shit? - but it's a good place to be.

In just my few months here I've found more support than I could have imagined. You'll find, too - take your time reading the posts - that nothing's off the table as far as whatever you need to get off your chest. Glad you found us.

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#410474 - 09/18/12 12:30 AM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
FatChris Offline


Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 5
Thanks for the welcome Lancer.

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#410486 - 09/18/12 01:44 AM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 237
Loc: Manhattan
Hi Chris,

On behalf of the Lollipop Guild...

We welcome you to MS land!!

Jay
_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#410488 - 09/18/12 04:04 AM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
Metolius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/12
Posts: 41
Loc: Oregon
Hi Chris:

Welcome. You've made a courageous and impressive beginning by coming online, checking us out, and making an introductory post.

I hope you find support here online as well as important tips on how to create a loving and supportive network of people at home. We all carried the secret of our abuse too long, often at the cost of carrying the pain and trying to managing it all by ourselves. I hope you will give yourself the time and space to find out who you can trust with your story and tell your story at a pace that is both comfortable and respectful of your own needs.

Take care, and welcome to a path that has been trod and lighted by other brave souls ahead and beside us.

Jim

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#410492 - 09/18/12 05:08 AM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: FatChris
As I write this introduction I am fighting off this urge to leave. I'm not sure if I want to go down this road, but my gut is telling me I need to. Anyway, since this is an introduction - Hi, my name is Chris and I am a survivor. I think survivor is what I am supposed to call myself. I have kept a secret for more than 19 years that I have only recently thought seriously about revealing to people. Before I can talk about this to family and friends I MUST first figure out if I can talk about this with strangers. I think this is all I want to say at this moment.


Revealing any part of the abuse Chris makes it real to us first, and that can create panic in us. That is the first hurdle and you have overcome it, well done! You ARE a survivor, the next stages include discovery, processing, breakthroughs and healing until there is hope and curiosity about your present and future, it IS coming. There is a very good article about talking about the abuse to anyone in person, Disclosure and Confronation: Considerations for Survivors This is a must read to help understand potential reactions in you and from others.

Well done keeping personal boundaries, and modelling those for us by telling us you are done introducing yourself. That is so very important, only doing and saying what you are comfortable with, that is the secret for being in recovery until you have healed.

Nice to meet you Chris,
Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#410543 - 09/18/12 04:07 PM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
FatChris Offline


Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 5
Thanks for the welcome guys.

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#410544 - 09/18/12 04:29 PM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1596
Loc: New England
Welcome Chris. I kept my secret for 42 years so you are way ahead of me. Don't turn back. The only way out is thru it.
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#411192 - 09/23/12 11:59 PM Re: Hello, My Name Is Chris [Re: FatChris]
tjp42588 Offline


Registered: 09/23/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Detroit MI
Hi Chris, my name is Tom. I am kind of in the same situation. However, I told my wife in a heated argument. For the past week or so, I have been down about what happened to me. I do not know why it has been affecting me this bad lately, but after 15 years, here I am struggling with it. I still have not said it out loud. My wife had to guess what happened. I could not bring myself to physically say it. I can type it, but not have it come out of my mouth. After telling her, which was only 3 days ago, I am not in constant worry and fear and shock, and so many other feelings. It has gotten easier to be around her, but it is still hard. As one of the posters said, when you tell someone, you make it "real" that is exactly what happened to me. I hope I do not scare you by telling you this, because in just 3 days, it is easier to deal with. Stil hell, but a little easier. I commend you on posting what you did. I think that if my wife would not have pushed me to the point of telling her, I would have kept it a secret forever. So by you coming here and speaking without having that fire that makes you, I think is great. I hope that we both can get some relief from this, and we can go on to live our lives to best of our ability. Take care, and if you ever want to talk feel free to message me.

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