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#410410 - 09/17/12 04:53 PM Seeing a "T" on thursday
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
I am going to be seeing a T on thursday and im scared to death. Is having anxiety over seeing a T normal? Or am I just overreacting?
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#410411 - 09/17/12 04:58 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
Ivo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
It is normal since there would be talks about unpleasant events and memories sometime during your therapy and for that it would need a lot of efforts and trust.

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#410414 - 09/17/12 05:03 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
Yerac Offline


Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 45
Loc: Southern CA
.

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#410415 - 09/17/12 05:04 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
You're not overreacting. It's quite normal to be anxious when you think about exposing this part of you to a stranger for the first time.

It's a big step, and exhausting. Take care of yourself and be aware of your anxiety. Don't deny it, but don't let it control you, either. Remember to breathe.

I just saw a new "T" today too, but he's not my first. I remember my first session with my first T was tough, but the talking comes easier with time.

Think about it like you're opening the door to let the fresh air inside.

Stay strong, brother. We're here with you.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#410417 - 09/17/12 05:15 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1753
Definitely overreacting. I went with trepidation--did not know what to expect nor did I expect to say much. But the T made me feel at ease but I still was very guarded. Overtime I began to let down the defenses and only then did we start to discuss the abuse. I had hid it for 40 years, my secret and why tell anyone now. But I did, and it has been a healing journey. Surround yourself with loving and compassionate people who support you and do not make you feel unsafe. The journey will be easier but remember it is an emotional roller coaster--try to stay on and ride it over and over, because in the end you will have found yourself. Good luck

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#410418 - 09/17/12 05:17 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
I dont seem to have a choice about it. This is affecting my family. I saw a T for the first time several weeks ago but I was with my wife and It was easy for me to able to shut down I didnt even talk. This time its only me and a diff. T and I could barely keep it together making the appointment......... I feel physically sick.

Thanks guys at least its not only me.

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#410421 - 09/17/12 05:30 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
Jay,

It took me 42 years, including ten years of therapy before I finally disclosed my abuse. You are way ahead of me man. Go for it!

Gary
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#411257 - 09/24/12 01:34 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
So I didnt do it......... Cancelled at the last minute, im truly an idiot. Chicken s@#t. I think im actualy afraid to let it go. I think deep down I am afraid to rid myself of something that I have allowed to define me for so long. Am I holding on to this to punish myself for crap that wasnt my fault. WOW I think I have a freakin problem!! Is it possible for someone not to want change in their life? Thats the only reason I can come up with for not going. Well all I can say is thanks for all the encouragement guys but it fell on deaf ears. I need to do some serious soul searching. THIS SUCKS. (just venting)

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#411260 - 09/24/12 01:42 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1753
Jay75

It is hard, step back and give it another try. Don't have expectations--if you do not want to speak don't but go and see what you think of the T and how he treats you. It takes time, I did not open up right away about me-I was conditioned to think if I told him about the abuse and lost time he would look at me with 2 heads--but he did not--we talked about what i expected or wanted and the ground rules--he made me feel safe but I was still skeptical--took many sessions before I realized he was not judging me and his goal was to guide me to heal and make myself whole--

Hopefully you will take a chance and give the T a try. Don't beat yourself up. Good luck

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#411264 - 09/24/12 02:06 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
Dragon Boy Offline


Registered: 09/18/12
Posts: 29
Loc: uk
Don't beat yourself up mate. You'll do it when you're ready.

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#411317 - 09/24/12 11:12 PM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: Dragon Boy]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Well, jay75, it sure is normal to be scared to death & have anxiety about it.

I debated with myself while waiting in the clinic waiting room.

I had never talked to a human being face to face about my SECRETS.

Just on the computer, faceless. But my two buddies know what I look like & they listened to me.

Was I going to get cold feet & run away when he came out to get me?

If I do go with him to his office, will I go in the door or turn & run?

Will I freeze up & not be able to speak about it?

Well, at the age of 69 1/2 years old, I was tired of running and it was decision time.
He comes out & greets me, I just get past his office door & my mouth just starts going a mile a minute, just rambling on. He didn't interrupt me, he just sat down & LISTENED. I don't even remember if it was in any sort of order or not.
He put me at ease, he will try & help me as best as he can. He was a military doctor and was more attuned to combat PTSD than with a old guy whom was abused 50+ years earlier. We ended up with weekly T sessions. I ended up bringing my wife along to two of them. However I was going to be leaving Germany & returning to the USA. So we had about 25 T sessions before I left, he was a good help for me.

I came back to the USA & already had been accepted by a female, CSA only T. I brought some of the reports from him to give to her. However I had to start all over again with her.

Then once again, with the VA mental health clinic. A few one on ones, then into a 12 week PTSD Therapy mixed group male & female sexual abuse patients.

I was scared to death with all of them. I'm confidant that you will do just fine. Just be yourself in the beginning, let it out as best as you can.

My fraternal brother, jay75, I wish you well on your first T session. And all the others to follow.

Be kind & gentle on yourself. Believe in yourself, my fraternal brother,jay75.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."
As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#413738 - 10/20/12 08:18 AM Re: Seeing a "T" on thursday [Re: jay75]
Ed53 Offline


Registered: 10/16/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Conn
Seeing a therapist was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Mine was court ordered. and started as group therapy. I sat in the corner for a long time. The therapist KNEW I needed time to adjust from a lifetime of stuffing to an atmosphere of sharing. It was a life-saver for me, because I had decided that once it was over, I was on my own. So I got as much out of of the experience as I could. It wasn't easy, maybe the hardest thing I've ever done. But it made all the difference in the world. ...Just like being on this site, realising there are other people going through the same gut-wrenching anguish as you, makes it easier to cope, thereapy can do that and more if you let it, at your own pace, no pressure, understanding,...a life saver.

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