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#409918 - 09/12/12 10:40 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Wow, Keith. Can I ask a followup? What, specifically, did you do when you took that thimbleful of dignity and saved yourself? Where were you? How hard was it? What were you afraid of? What did you discover?

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#410082 - 09/14/12 12:59 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 949
Loc: southern California
Do you mean, what did I do literally, or what did I do to mentally?
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#410097 - 09/14/12 10:41 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
I mean literally. Like what happened?

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#410102 - 09/14/12 12:20 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2578
Began to fight back in terms of working to become a voice for boys and men by speaking out, sharing my experiences, fighting to get resources locally (which still hasn't happened, but I keep fighting), and by looking for opportunities to share my story in order to raise awareness.

Two biggest opportunities so far were with my church and on an international radio talk radio program.

I fight, I realize not just for others, but for what I need too.

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#410120 - 09/14/12 05:16 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
JustScott, that's wonderful. Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your post, and I'm checking out your blog and stuff. Thanks.

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#410156 - 09/14/12 09:58 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Robert1000

....."They make you FAT!" And then I ran out of the house. I think that was the beginning of me fighting back and pushing away the sexual abuse in my life. I swear to God it was an involuntary act, but I also think it was one of the bravest things I've ever done. I was terrified of that horrible pervert!
Bob


I love it!

For me the bravest/best things were:
1. Submitting to the abuse and torture at the camp for almost two weeks without cracking up.
2. Continuing on with life, especially returning to school (7th grade). One science teacher wrote to me: "To the angelic little angel..." Little did he know I'd completely lost that innocence. I suppose I seemed innocent to him. Why?
3. Starting 10th grade in a new and socially difficult school when I couldn't talk and had severe emotional problems from abuse. After eating my lunch alone in the huge lunch room, I would find an empty classroom and sometimes cry. Finally I told (wrote a note) to the social worker. She arranged for speech therapy. Then after a couple of months I told the speech therapist 'I really can talk...' She arranged for me to see a child counselor.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (09/14/12 10:17 PM)

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#410214 - 09/15/12 05:12 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 949
Loc: southern California
My sister, who was assaulted alongside me by our father each week when we were growing up, lived all of her adult life in the home of our perp/father. She never held a job, never worked.. was socially and psychologically dysfunctional. After our mother died in 2000, my sister was alone in the house with our father in his 80s at that time. She began unleashing an unholy revenge on him.
He retaliated with antisocial and passive aggressive behavior.
The drama increased over 4 years as I tried to referee them, tried to help, tried to manage their storm and create calm. They each retaliated by turning on me. The abuse from both of them increased as I kept having heart to heart talks with them, explaining that if they kept increasing their cruel behavior toward me, it would drive me away. They responded by disrespecting and demeaning me all the more after each discussion.
My sister was consumed with vengeance against the family and hatred for our father. My father realized that the statute of limitations had passed for prosecuting him under California law, so he pulled out the stops, laughing and mocking me in public for the symptoms he'd given me to suffer. He knew I would not publicly divulge WHY I had these symptoms. I pleaded with him in private, explaining the lasting and long reaching pain and suffering the symptoms and his mockery induced. He would apologize or sit silent, and predictably increase the intensity of his mocking my symptoms in public. Sometimes he did this within moments of my heart to heart talk with him.
I held in their for 5 years until I honestly could not take any more. I had begun fantasizing of suicide just like I did when I lived under his roof in my teens. I was emotionally and financially drained from helping him. I truthfully had nothing more these people could take from me, and I had nothing left to give. I had no choice but to save myself.
I made one last appeal to them together, and they responded by coming at me together with false accusations and anger, clearly seated in the fact that I was taking away their audience and key enabler.
From then on, when I heard their voices on my voicemail, I deleted the message without listening. I didn't need to hear whatever it was, even if it was a cry for help; because their cries for help were ALWAYS a set up to draw me back in for more abuse. No more. When an envelope arrived from them, it didn't make it into the house. I dropped it in the trash bin by the street, unopened and out of mind.
I learned later that they had attempted to retaliate by phoning extended family members to berate me and spread false claims against me in an attempt to turn relatives against me. It didn't work. My relatives know me, and they knew my sister and father. An aunt told me that my sister had laughed that she had put my mailing address on every piece of junk mailing list she could find. That gives you a clue as to the mentality of this woman, who was in her 50s during this time.
The end of my sister's story came when she met a man, an unemployed financial predator, who moved into my father's home with my sister. He lived there cost-free for 7 years and charmed my father, promising my father repayment for living expenses and promising my sister marriage. Neither happened.
At the 7 year mark, my sister began to realize the control the man had over our father and the financial draining he was involved in (from my father's accounts), and his manipulation in getting me and my brothers disinherited in his favor. My sister made phone calls to friends and relatives, trying to figure out how to get him out of the house. She expressed she was fearful of physical retaliation if she broke it off with him.
She was alone in the house with him New Year's Eve 2008, they had an argument, and she was dead by morning. The man phoned paramedics hours after the death. His story was sketchy, he told the coroner he used to be a sheriff's deputy (verified untrue), and the coroner and the doctor, under the persuasion of the man, signed off the death over the phone.
The man took charge at the hospital, portraying himself as a loving fiancee, and made arrangements for a burial without an exam. He isolated and manipulated my father into signing all necessary papers.
The body was buried without even a blood test. The family requested an investigation for 23 months and was ignored by the sheriff-coroner dept. When we insisted on an investigation by launching a letter campaign, the sheriff-coroner department came at the family with threats and intimidation, stating that they would not investigate the death, that their only intent was to "make this go away."
Within weeks of my sister's funeral, the man produced a new fiancee, moved her into my father's home, they wed, and the two live there now awaiting my father's death. He has promised them his estate. The sheriff's department says they find nothing out of the ordinary of this kindly couple "lovingly" caring for my father whose "sons abandoned him."
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#410365 - 09/17/12 10:16 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: pufferfish]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Wow, pufferfish. That's amazing. Telling your speech therapist was amazing. Choosing not to talk? Wow. You went through some hard times. My heart goes out to you. Thanks for sharing.

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#410366 - 09/17/12 10:20 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
WriterKieth, it's amazing that you've walked away from that messed up situation and sought healing. I'm stunned. Thank you. I've always been impressed by the things you write, your empathy and kindness--especially when I've been desperate for a kind word or remark or an understanding statement. And now I'm just floored. Thank you. Thank you.

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