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#410258 - 09/16/12 02:17 AM I'm tired of being gay
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
that is all
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Thriving

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#410267 - 09/16/12 04:15 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey man hang on, I'm sorry if you feel so bad frown
Please talk to us and get out all that is on your back...
I hope some of guys would jump in too with some empathy and love, we are here to give support to each other.
Here is my hug for you
(((mogigo)))

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#410275 - 09/16/12 09:04 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
You ok? Something up in Boulder?
I know you guys can work out anything.
But, I do understand tired. Plain, simple, tired. My advice - try to find something you enjoy - favorite music - favorite hiking place .. even go and sit in the shade and enjoy the clear air. Please don't let depression get a wrangle hold on you.

I don't know if I've ever seen you down - for what it's worth, I'm here if you want to talk, unload, or just "be".
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#410342 - 09/17/12 01:22 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks guys, I was working with a guy yesterday that I've worked with for more than a year and I like him, but he doesn't know I'm gay. We were just clowning around and I said 'gotta pay the gate keeper' and he came back with 'what, did you say gotta pay the gay keeper hahaha'

and it made me tired, it made me disappointed, it made me sad.

Thank you for letting me get it out, I know it's not that bad, but I just kinda liked this guy, and he was so sure that I should be insulted that he might think I'm gay, he's a great guy, but even they feel that being gay is an insult. smile Tired....I'm just tired.

Thank you gents for listning to me rant

Mike
stay strong
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Thriving

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#410356 - 09/17/12 09:27 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Michael,

I understand better now, thanks for the clarification. It can be very difficult when others joke or make little over something are working/have worked to learn to accept. Something that is an "in-born" part of who we are.

Anytime you want to rant - I have two ears and I'm told they're fairly good sized (lol) but I do know they do a good job of listening.

If sorry for the pain, even if it wasn't some major thing - disappointments hurt.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#410484 - 09/18/12 01:30 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks Mark, I appreciate it.

Sending hugs and love
Stay strong
Mike
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Thriving

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#410599 - 09/19/12 05:36 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Probably doesn't address your stuff directly, Mike, but I found that being closeted, no matter how little, was tiring...having to watch what I said, how I behaved, etc. I felt I was constantly invalidating myself around people who invalidated me. In that sense, I'm with you.

Personally, I need more than that. A lot more.

I've lived for a number of years now in a very gay community. I have some friends who live elsewhere because it's "too gay" - can you stand it? - for them. Well, phine for them. But, for me, living here means I don't have to expend any energy on being "straight-acting". I have the freedom to be 100% myself.

Oh, occasionally there might be some macho type at 7-Eleven who makes the mistake of making a homophobic comment. And, quite honestly, it's pretty damn satisfying to see his reaction when he realizes he's in a store full of [angry] queers.

Nor is it that far removed from the way I felt as a CSA kid versus the feeling I now have watching the squirming of the institutions who protected the perp.

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#410645 - 09/19/12 03:34 PM * [Re: mogigo]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:12 PM)

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#410648 - 09/19/12 04:01 PM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
ig3 Offline


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 54
I understand what you are saying, it is so hard to hide one's identity or attraction in everyday life. Know that you are not alone, hang in there. Maybe one day we will live in a world free of homophobia. I like to think that we are moving in that direction.

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#410694 - 09/20/12 01:37 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Thanks Gary, my life has changed so much since I came out at thirty..freaking...nine. But you are right, I still didn't speak out, I was still scared. Not of violence or rejection, just because I didn't want an uncomfortable situation, sigh. My entire work know's who I am except him. Sigh I'm even afraid of uncomfortable, even a co-worker after I said 'I don't like to make it an issue' said " it's not an issue, and he's going to be mortified when he finds out" I'm still nervous about something so miniscule.

lot's to think about, I think I will say what needs to be said, two minutes of un-comfortableness will be worth it. He likes me, he just doesn't know. Maybe it will change a mind...he's a republican lol wink

Stay strong
Mike
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#410718 - 09/20/12 08:22 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
... or maybe just ask you what took you so long to tell him? and prove he really is a great friend. smile
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#410769 - 09/20/12 01:04 PM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
Self acceptance of my sexual expression is one of the greatest gifts I gave to myself in all my life.

As others have said, it doesn't matter what I think I am with regards to my sexuality. What matters is that I can live with self acceptance.

I hope you can find that for yourself.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#410967 - 09/21/12 01:57 PM * [Re: mogigo]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:14 PM)

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#411153 - 09/23/12 11:36 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
Randy65 Offline


Registered: 04/14/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Jonesboro, Arkansas
Hi Mike,
It sounds like you made it through that very uncomfortable situation and I'm proud of you. I'm 47 and I have been out since my late 20's. I don't hide it, but my partner and I don't run around shoving gayness in everyone's face. I hate that being gay will always have to come up somewhere down the line. I have learned throughout the years that I will let people get to know me, and when the "Gay Question" comes up, I will always say " I can't believe you didn't know I was gay".. lol Works every time and it seems to ease the pressure of that person.

My partner and I have been together for 13 years, well past many straight marriages and yet many straight people do not put our relationship on the same level of their marriage. I live in Arkansas and I hear gay jokes, mental illness jokes, and other crazy things. Sometimes I tell the person that it is not funny. Other times I might say "I have a friend who is gay and don't like gay jokes." The fact of the matter is we are gay, I've been gay since birth and I am proud to be gay. Others do not define us. We must be comfortable with the person we are.

You will know when and if you are ready. Just do not rush it and be the best you can be. We have enough burdens on us from CSA. I'm glad you shared this experience with us. We have all been there.
Keep the faith my friend,
Randy
_________________________
My Story of CSA
http://youtu.be/EJIlKCRL_6M

My Story of CSA: The Day God Entered My Heart
http://youtu.be/vpCWEp6u9zM

My Story of CSA: "Flashbacks" (Trigger Caution)
http://youtu.be/xLd5Fe-MxVM



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#411201 - 09/24/12 12:52 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 393
Loc: west coast
I had an aunt who before she passed said, dying young is easy, getting old and leaving a corps full of life experience , well that is not for wimps.

So you being str8 would be a hell of a lot less tiring, no question, but as many have said the best part is just being who you are finally that the secrets dont rule you anymore. I played tennis today with a str8 buddy, just no problem at all. We joked and he said said now he knows what an ass whooping feels like. " not in my world I said" he just laughed cuz of course its a joke.

I just came out 2 years ago come the first week of october, i was so frozen for so long. the thaw is a process but the steak is finally ready, lol. Be as honest as you can, if he is really into you , his eyes will tell you. If he is not making eye contact it is more likely just a friendship, the only way to know is to be up front. Then there is the fear what if he is not gay. Then use arnolds line when he was still a body builder "take it as a complement" ! smile and walk away. nothing more need be said.

Ya its tiring but anything worth working for is the reward. Its like the spoiled rich kids, they havent got a clue of the value of things and dude, you clearly do.

Hugz

grant
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The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#411336 - 09/25/12 01:57 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Lol, I've been away from MS too long wink Thank you everyone.

I just want to say, I'm doing pretty damn good. I just got married to my soul mate, I'm about to get my degree, and I'm feeling so comfortable in my skin that it's kinda unbelievable.

I just loved being able to put out something so stupid as "someone said something stupid" and you all supported me.

Thank you
thank you so very very much

Stay strong
mike
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Thriving

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#411345 - 09/25/12 04:10 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Wow Mike,
those are great news from you, thanks for bringing something so inspiring and sharing it with us smile
Congratulations on marriage to your soul mate and on your degree smile
Just keep up like that!

Pero
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My story

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#411358 - 09/25/12 11:13 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: mogigo
Lol, I've been away from MS too long wink
I'll second that.....
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#412195 - 10/04/12 03:02 PM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:44 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#419350 - 12/17/12 07:52 AM Re: I'm tired of being gay [Re: mogigo]
jfransiscus Offline


Registered: 12/17/12
Posts: 4
Loc: sydney,australia
i agree with smalltown80sboy, i do sometime get tired of dealing with some bigots out there. not sure if those guys were a real-bigot or just some ignorants. i know the saying 'dont let the words get to u'. but somehow it just gets to us and we hate it i know, happenned to me zillion times too :p
yeah i do think life gets better for us. just hang in there as i keep telling myself this as well.

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