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#410086 - 09/14/12 04:45 AM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1932
Loc: durham, north england
Oh yes, I've definitely been there with this one, especially if I make a mistake related to lack of sight. If I walk into an object, I really castigate myself, and think I'm positively disgustig, even when I know rationally it was not the least my fault.

though sight based mistakes are probably the worst, it can happen with anything from cooking to singing to forgetting something quite innocuous.

I know just where this is from, indeed i'm not certain whether it was the verbal abuse at secondary school, being told day after day to my face that I was a deseased fucking bastard (though it got to the point where I actually welcomed the verbal abuse sinse verbal abuse was better than anything else that people could've been doing) , or my previous experiences at boarding school where I was told to my face that I was a criminal and would go to prison, even for something as simple as not brushing my teeth when the bell rang.

However, like dusty I've found that recognizing the source of tfeelings hose really helped. I now tend to view myself as my own worst critic and try to give no weight to those opinions. I don't always succeed at this, but understanding that where anything about me is concerned I'm my own most biased, unreasonable and unfair judge has helped, sinse slowly I can learn to separate those judgements from what is rational, though like everything it's not been an easy process, and I still have relapses, however I'm not going to give up, sinse damit those judgements are! wrong.

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#410100 - 09/14/12 11:20 AM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
cymrotom Offline


Registered: 06/15/12
Posts: 30
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
Yep, me too. The tiniest thing can send me into the shame/rage cycle.
_________________________
I just want to be me.

Tom

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#410104 - 09/14/12 12:38 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:38 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#410112 - 09/14/12 03:57 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
I do beat myself up for very small things. No matter what I do there is reason to suspect that I did it wrong in some way. It's just a matter of finding where I made the mistake. That's what my focus is on, and that's what I find. It fits with what I believe about myself to think that I can't do anything right. I'm glad that we're able to talk about these things here. I'm glad we are able to share these things we each other. Although these aren't things to be proud of we seem to be able to relate to them. Maybe that helps.
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#410115 - 09/14/12 04:46 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Casmir213]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Casmir213
It's just a matter of finding where I made the mistake.
hmmm ... for me it's more a matter of seeing a perceived mistake. Whether or not one was made - if I think it was made ... that's enough to start the internal shredding.

and yeah - I always perceive mistakes in what I do, especially if I'm doing something for someone.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#410116 - 09/14/12 04:53 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 09:28 PM)
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

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#410122 - 09/14/12 05:19 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 09:29 PM)
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

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#410123 - 09/14/12 05:21 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: lapchinj]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6816
Loc: USA
Quote:

... Looked at me like "why are YOU even looking at a 13yo's weight you old fkg pedo!" Or...his eyes were squinting from the bright sun...but I default to the worst.


I think this is called counter-projection. It's a tough one for us.

I haven't found any therapist who knows how to deal with this. Even the T's seem to fall into the trap.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (09/14/12 09:33 PM)

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#410133 - 09/14/12 07:04 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
I have this problem, too. I never connected it to self-worth, but rather with emotional dysregulation.

Like something that happened to us made it impossible for us to gauge how much emotion to use in a given situation. So, we bottle it up and use no emotion or uncork it and it goes to 100%. No in-between.

Maybe emotional regulation is connected to self-worth? I don't know. I just know that I don't trust my emotions until someone else confirms or corrects me.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#410136 - 09/14/12 07:17 PM Re: Being WRONG or BAD [Re: Still]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 09:29 PM)
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

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