wow. i have lived like this for many years.
i could maintain alienation for very long time periods.
it was easy, painless, but desperate and lonely.
it was mostly illusion, because something always seemed to sneak though my shield. something always mattered.
survival without emotional connection is like window shopping without money. you're looking through the glass at something you can't have. it is like being homeless and hungry, watching a family picnic in a public park, or walking by sidewalk cafes full of happy diners.
you are not welcome, you are not invited.
outcast, exile, reject.
all very bad feelings.
anyway, great poem.