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#409912 - 09/12/12 10:04 AM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
WOW........ I didnt realize what Body Memories meant...

If im around someone that smells a certain way my mind will put me back to the abuse.
If my back or rear are touched my back arches I hold my breath and im taken back.
If I hear a mans voice in a certain tone my body shutters and im taken back.
If someone whispers in my ear im taken back.

I remember the feel of his touch his smell him inside me and the weight of his body and the sound of his voice. my body reacts to all these things.
unfortunately and I hate to even mention this..... But these things take me to a very sexual place mentaly.... this is why I have always questioned my sexuality. A part of my confusion.

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#409957 - 09/12/12 05:44 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: frozen]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6708
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: frozen
Trigger warning!




Hi
My body remembers touching,grabbing,hitting,pouncing etc. I can smell and taste their sweat and se... feel knife on my troath.But most disturbing is the feeling of movement inside my torso.Its like alien inside my intestines. Nothing had worked, I tried alcohol and other stuff, hurting till extreme pain. I have been now about 3 years in intense therapy and medication,docs have checked my whole body several times with out any real findigs. I have had many names for my symtoms( IBS etc.)But that alien,it's still there in my body and brain. It is moving and driving me nuts.

Peter


Peter. I had most of the symptoms you mention a few years after I remembered abuse. For me it was a knife point stuck against my chest, not my throat. Why did my body memories come up after I remembered the abuse? I guess the mechanism in our brains that prevents us from hurting enough so that we can grow up is pretty efficient.

I had the intestine thing when I was 10 (pufferfish story part 4). It happened 24 hours afterward. I don't understand the time-thing.

I also developed IBS but it was related to tensions from the abuse and not directly related to injuries from the abuse itself.

Puffer

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#409959 - 09/12/12 05:53 PM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:41 PM)

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#409962 - 09/12/12 06:16 PM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:40 PM)

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#410010 - 09/13/12 06:34 AM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
frozen Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 22
Loc: Europe
Hi
It is over 15 years from my last rape . That alien thing started when I was about 10, so it has lasted over 30 years. My abuse was rough and lasted years. My first rapist gave me amphetamine, maybe it burned those memories heavily in my brain. I have two kinds of flashbacks. First one is more in my head, another is like bodily flashback, it is lot heavier. As youngster I used to hit my head into wall to end it, it helped for awhile. Many times I planned to cut my stomach open to get it out there, luckily I didn’t .
That arousal thing is heavy, of course I get aroused. It is really difficult to live ”ordinary” life when your body is telling that someone is f…king you in the middle of mall. It is somehow disturbing. Despite all, boring daily routines have kept me alive. For instance, taking dog out couple of times, gives you lot more than fresh air.
Peter

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#410016 - 09/13/12 10:20 AM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:40 PM)

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#410093 - 09/14/12 09:41 AM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
frozen Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 22
Loc: Europe
For me, it’s been mostly intestine related, from mouth to bottom. I vomit really easily and have constant diarrhea. All muscles are of course connected, my whole body reacts. Sometimes there is terrible pain in every muscle and joint. It comes and goes. When I was younger I tried to control it. It is waste of time. It’s just behind next corner. Before I came to this site I taught to be unique with my “alien”, but everybody seems to have some kind of ”thing” here.

I don’t like touching, actually I hate it. My wife is only person who can touch me without negative impact; it took really long time to get used to her, to trust her. My children found it funny because I am so shaggy. If someone comes too close I back.
Peter

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