Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
clutzygurl (22), dun (50), Gene (50), ufp1964 (50), Zoot (68)
Who's Online
4 registered (Scott1962, TJ jeff, 2 invisible), 18 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63355 Topics
443023 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#410015 - 09/13/12 09:50 AM Bad therapist experience, what to do?
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
So, OK.

Lately, I've been shopping for a new therapist. I've moved out of the big city where I had a great T, and now I've moved back home where the psych services are apparently in the dark ages... so finding a therapist here is suddenly much tougher than I first suspected. The wellness needs of adult male survivors remain dramatically underserved, it appears.

So here's what happened with my first therapist:

1) After agreeing in the first session to not pursue hypnotherapy; she spent 15 minutes of our 2nd session talking about the hypnosis she wanted to do with me in our 3rd session.

2) She tried to diagnosis my CSA symptoms as being related to Attention Deficit Disorder

3) She tried to sell me on her "soul mate finding" self-actualizing program, in the school of Deepak Chopra. I haven't been in a relationship since 2006, the end of which prompted serious suicide ideation on my part. She was not aware of the details of my relationship history nor of my suicide ideation, but offering "soul mate" services to an abuse survivor seems to me to be insensitive and irresponsible -- but I could just be triggered by it, so hard to tell for sure.

4) She presented herself as unshockable, but then was clearly unprepared to handle the details of my acting out.

5) Had zero poker face; her reactions to my issues revealed she was in over her head, not to mention that she kept telling me how intelligent I was, how I had "hyper focus" and how she kept fiddling with her necklace pendant made me think she was intimidated by me and completely out of her depth.

My question is this: Should I just cancel the 3rd appointment I have with her and just walk away -- or should I show up and tell her what a terrible therapist she is?

My first thought is that I would gain nothing by telling her off, but if it prevented her from trying to attempt to poorly treat CSA survivors in the future, then maybe it's worth it.

I don't know.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#410018 - 09/13/12 10:40 AM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
cymrotom Offline


Registered: 06/15/12
Posts: 30
Loc: Minneapolis, MN
I would be honest with her. Tell her of your concerns, but in a way that shows you're not getting what you need from her. You gotta take care of yourself, not her.
_________________________
I just want to be me.

Tom

Top
#410048 - 09/13/12 03:35 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1506
Loc: New England
Dear Can't Remember,

I would lose her like a fat lady at a nudist camp.

Seriously, you don't owe her an explanation. Don't waste another minute on her. Put your recovery first and move on.

Gary
_________________________
"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real"
Van Halen

Top
#410049 - 09/13/12 03:35 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
I called and cancelled via voicemail. Seemed like the best thing to do.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#410050 - 09/13/12 03:44 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Oh this would be very difficult issue if I would be in such position. It is always easier for me to avoid direct talk. So I guess that it would be more prone to canceling 3rd session.
But as you said that there are limited possibilities to find good T, maybe you should in first place check how many other options (Ts) you have and than make final decision? just my 2 cents...
_________________________
My story

Top
#410051 - 09/13/12 04:38 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
You've done what I'd do, c_r. What I'll add is that the old T might be good for a recommendation to someone or someone who knows someone.

Top
#410090 - 09/14/12 08:50 AM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Bad therapist with an agenda. I certainly wouldn't pay for a 3rd appt, but in a note to her, it might be helpful for her to get some feedback about what she was doing wrong. I'd send her a copy of your original post.

Maybe she would clean up her act. Otherwise, she will likely be running the same crap with other clients.

Sometimes people are not ready to deal with issues, and that's ok. But if she attributes your not "being ready" instead of getting the feedback you presented, she will not grow professionally. (Not that it's your job to help her grow, but she can always write your cancellation off as you not being ready for her "approach".)

Maybe you should send her the article "A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping". And next therapist you look for, use the guide yourself to spare yourself from another bad choice.

Good luck in your efforts.

Top
#410118 - 09/14/12 05:13 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Well, an update.

Her assistant emailed me for a mailing address to send me a "routine closed letter." I told him I was between addresses and if she wanted to contact me, she could do so by email.

Then, I was sent a scanned-in letter by her, that misquotes me in from our 2nd session, where she twists my concern about hypnosis into a concern about therapy in general, and then says in the letter that "that is not how therapy works."

So, I responded with the following email:

To <redacted>

This letter does not appear to be "routine" at all, and further calls into question Ms. <redacted>'s competency as a therapist. I wish to receive no further communication from you or from her.

I am well aware of "how therapy works." For Ms. <redacted> to suggest otherwise is insulting.

Agreeing to not use hypnosis in session one, only to spring hypnosis on the client in session two -- that's not how therapy works. Trying to diagnose my CSA symptoms as attention deficit disorder? That's not how therapy works. Offering "soul mate" matchmaker services to a child sex abuse survivor? That's not how therapy works.

Please leave me alone, or I will be writing to the state licensure board, Psychology Today, and anyone else who wants to know that you're peddling Deepak Chopra-style narcissism training to vulnerable clients.

Do not contact me again.

<cant_remember>

***************************************

So there you go. I have 4 intake sessions scheduled for next week to find a competent therapist that's a better fit for me. But I think I might have overdone it, so I might cut it back to 3.

And... I'm exhausted, and getting no work done. But gotta take care of myself.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#410125 - 09/14/12 05:42 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6843
Loc: USA
Subtitled: 'Am I pissed with my therapist?'

I've experienced this problem also. I guess I've seen 7 (seven) therapists. Some of them only once. I also posted on this recently. Some therapists really helped. Some made things worse.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post409363

When I was really going through the fog, I needed some light from outside of myself to help with finding therapists.

The problem and solution is reported at length in the book: Nice To Meet Me by Chris Carlton:

http://www.amazon.com/Nice-To-Meet-Chris-Carlton/dp/0578098407/

For some reason this book isn't in our book list yet.

Is it a faux pas to recommend a book to a good author?

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/95q4/beard.html


Puffer




Edited by pufferfish (09/14/12 05:52 PM)

Top
#410128 - 09/14/12 06:04 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
That looks like a good book, Nice to Meet Me. I'll check it out.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#410235 - 09/15/12 09:30 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1343
Hi Can't_Remember,

Before you go to the intake sessions, you may want to bring a copy of the Consumer's Guide To Therapist Shopping with you. Delete the questions which do not apply to you and add any additional questions you may want answered.

Take notes, not only about the answers, but how they were given, as well as your impressions of the therapist (open, warm, confrontational, guarded, etc.).

A good therapist will not mind answering your questions. The prospective therapist will be open to discussing any concerns you have.

If the prospective therapist counters your questions with defensiveness (why are you asking? etc.) then that is probably not the right person for you.

Obviously, there are some questions which cannot be immediately answered. But you will be able to tell by the tone of voice and the therapist's body language how they are reacting to being questioned.

A good therapist will interpret this as a way to engage you. A lesser therapist will interpret this as a challenge of their skills and may even feel threatened by the questions.

You had a good therapist. You will recognize another one.

I am sorry you had a bad experience with that therapist, but happy that you got out of the situation.





Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

Top
#410303 - 09/16/12 02:27 PM * [Re: cant_remember]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:10 PM)

Top
#410318 - 09/16/12 06:11 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 945
Loc: southern California
Cant_remember, your comment, "her reactions to my issues revealed she was in over her head," sums it up well.

Please do not give this person another minute or dollar; you'd be "a dollar shorter" and "a minute harmed."
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

Top
#410508 - 09/18/12 10:55 AM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
My feeling is that therapists are like any other profession. Some are good. Some not so much. Some click with some people. Some with others. I have a WONDERFUL therapist in my old city... but then I got laid off about three years ago and moved for work. I did telephone and teleconference sessions with my old therapist after I couldn't find a new one. I'll admit I didn't try very hard. I find the idea of finding a new therapist exhausting.

One of the therapists in my new city acted as if all therapy clients just need a little "self-confidence" and need to stop whining. I'm sorry, but that's not my problem. I was irritated. Offended. I mean, really. I'm a damn adult. I see trauma as any other health issue. You wouldn't tell a dude with a heart attack to just "put on a smile and head out the door."

I've recently started to look again, as I'm interested in EMDR. But, as I said, it's hard for me to motivate. I find the whole process daunting, draining... in advance. I've hardly done anything to make it happen. Yet. I will, though.

Bob

Top
#410530 - 09/18/12 01:16 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
One step at a time, Bob.

Yes, it's incredibly draining and exhausting, but I finally found a good therapist (I think; we'll see) and so can you.

Make some calls; ask for referrals. I think the best way to start is asking around people you trust (pastors, for example) for referrals. That might not be the end of the road, but it's a good first step -- instead of blindly doing web searches like I did at first.

The idea of EMDR scares me, but I think I'm ready for it.

Forward together, my brothers.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#410545 - 09/18/12 05:07 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
I like the way you think, cant. You're absolutely right. One step at a time. One day at a time.

I'll post a follow up when I've talked to the EMDR doc.

Top
#410550 - 09/18/12 05:31 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1399
Loc: California
Finding a qualified therapist (even after suffering through bad experiences) IS SO WORTH IT!!!!

I gave up on therapists, like many others here, but when I saw that I was severely impacted by CSA, I sought out a qualified trauma therapist, and it has made ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.