Newest Members
Alabaster, valence, TheNamelessPoet, Meloe, rwc3
12843 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
christianfather (53), Kai86 (29), lost child (59), Melinda (33), Ruby1 (42), sentry (65)
Who's Online
5 registered (Mark954, motmcd, GonnaBalright, 2 invisible), 14 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12843 Members
75 Forums
66410 Topics
464045 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#410235 - 09/15/12 09:30 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1579
Hi Can't_Remember,

Before you go to the intake sessions, you may want to bring a copy of the Consumer's Guide To Therapist Shopping with you. Delete the questions which do not apply to you and add any additional questions you may want answered.

Take notes, not only about the answers, but how they were given, as well as your impressions of the therapist (open, warm, confrontational, guarded, etc.).

A good therapist will not mind answering your questions. The prospective therapist will be open to discussing any concerns you have.

If the prospective therapist counters your questions with defensiveness (why are you asking? etc.) then that is probably not the right person for you.

Obviously, there are some questions which cannot be immediately answered. But you will be able to tell by the tone of voice and the therapist's body language how they are reacting to being questioned.

A good therapist will interpret this as a way to engage you. A lesser therapist will interpret this as a challenge of their skills and may even feel threatened by the questions.

You had a good therapist. You will recognize another one.

I am sorry you had a bad experience with that therapist, but happy that you got out of the situation.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#410303 - 09/16/12 02:27 PM * [Re: cant_remember]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:10 PM)

#410318 - 09/16/12 06:11 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 975
Loc: southern California
Cant_remember, your comment, "her reactions to my issues revealed she was in over her head," sums it up well.

Please do not give this person another minute or dollar; you'd be "a dollar shorter" and "a minute harmed."
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."

#410508 - 09/18/12 10:55 AM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Robert1000 Offline

Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 414
My feeling is that therapists are like any other profession. Some are good. Some not so much. Some click with some people. Some with others. I have a WONDERFUL therapist in my old city... but then I got laid off about three years ago and moved for work. I did telephone and teleconference sessions with my old therapist after I couldn't find a new one. I'll admit I didn't try very hard. I find the idea of finding a new therapist exhausting.

One of the therapists in my new city acted as if all therapy clients just need a little "self-confidence" and need to stop whining. I'm sorry, but that's not my problem. I was irritated. Offended. I mean, really. I'm a damn adult. I see trauma as any other health issue. You wouldn't tell a dude with a heart attack to just "put on a smile and head out the door."

I've recently started to look again, as I'm interested in EMDR. But, as I said, it's hard for me to motivate. I find the whole process daunting, draining... in advance. I've hardly done anything to make it happen. Yet. I will, though.


#410530 - 09/18/12 01:16 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1050
One step at a time, Bob.

Yes, it's incredibly draining and exhausting, but I finally found a good therapist (I think; we'll see) and so can you.

Make some calls; ask for referrals. I think the best way to start is asking around people you trust (pastors, for example) for referrals. That might not be the end of the road, but it's a good first step -- instead of blindly doing web searches like I did at first.

The idea of EMDR scares me, but I think I'm ready for it.

Forward together, my brothers.
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

#410545 - 09/18/12 05:07 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Robert1000 Offline

Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 414
I like the way you think, cant. You're absolutely right. One step at a time. One day at a time.

I'll post a follow up when I've talked to the EMDR doc.

#410550 - 09/18/12 05:31 PM Re: Bad therapist experience, what to do? [Re: cant_remember]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1563
Loc: California
Finding a qualified therapist (even after suffering through bad experiences) IS SO WORTH IT!!!!

I gave up on therapists, like many others here, but when I saw that I was severely impacted by CSA, I sought out a qualified trauma therapist, and it has made ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!


Page 2 of 2 < 1 2

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.