As long as there's someone to blame you can pass the buck and make someone else responsible for your problems. That's practically the definition of victim (someone who is at the mercy of someone else who is ultimately to blame). If you can get past the blaming and only see the present tense problems you have, you cut the victimhood out of the picture. No abuser, no abuse just current situations that you can learn to control and change.
I hope this is helpful.
That was REALLY, REALLY encouraging and helpful.
I can see now how I have not been taking responsibility for my own behaviour as far as the acting out etc (it isn't really my fault - I was conditioned that way). But hey I'm a grown up now and I need to face the music - so to speak. I have been working with my T about having a couples session to tell my wife about the acting out with men.
It is the next step in choosing to have a real, honest relationship with my wife (where she actually knows who she is married to). I have been terrified she leave me and this whole 'fake' happy life I have built for myself will come tumbling down. I now know that this step is vital for me to move forwards and take ownership for my sin.
What THEY did to me was THEIR sin - What I have done since is MY sin.
I'll keep you all posted. I see my T again tomorrow.