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#409830 - 09/11/12 12:21 PM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: confusion4life]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
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Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:37 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#409897 - 09/12/12 08:52 AM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: whome]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
thank you martin, this totally makes sense to me. thank you a lot!

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#409898 - 09/12/12 08:56 AM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: bodyguard8367]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
thank you a lot for your answer. my husband has already abused but he has female and male perps. he got the shock of his life, was caught as she talked...well since then he is trying to deal with the reality and i am not giving up on him yet. but i have a small boy. thats why the fantasy part is so important. he says himself that fantasy leads to actual abuse. but he also says he only fantasized about girls, never about boys. i doubted it as he had both perps, female and male ones. thats why i asked this question to you guys, as only you guys can know. i thank you so much for your honesty.

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#409901 - 09/12/12 09:16 AM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: scottyg]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
dear scott,

i know that boys abused by men dont "become" gay and i also know that survivors dont all abuse. i know that for sure because i have friends here on MS who would actually tell me if they were abusive. but my husband is different. he HAS abused, abused my daughter (his daughter) and another teenager before when he was just 19 or so. he masturbated with abusive fantasy, has a great need of control and wears a mask of manipulation and of fakeness.
now after ALL THIS i am trying still to support him because after my daughter talked about what her father did to her, he of course couldnt abuse anymore. then he escaped because i reported him. then he came back from outside the country - ready to go to jail, which he felt is better than never seeing us at all anymore. that was very confusing after all the pain he had caused.
now he is in therapy and all...and he stopped masturbation adn he also stopped the fantasy. i take him to lie detector tests sometimes so that i am sure he doenst just bullshit me anymore, because i simply have a 5 year old son with him too. and i need my kids safe, that is much more important than supporting him.
now he always claimed that he had only fantasy about girls, never about boys. thats why i needed an insight from a male survivor and thank you for your honest answer!

tc,
ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#409903 - 09/12/12 09:24 AM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: dark empathy]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
hi dark empathy...

you just relax first because i did go thru my share of things. first of all he abused my that time almost 11 year old daughter and manipulated the whole family for 4 years. i DONT JUST ASSUME STUFF!!!!

i think i am the only woman on this fucked up planet who reported the abuser/ survivor, stopped the abuse on my child AND still supports the guy. can you say you would do that for your abusers. when we mothers know our child is/ was abused, we feel pretty abused and traumatized ourselves. i almost killed him honestly speaking. but i am still supporting him even after all this and so does our daughter. she has only one wish and him too. that the whole thing is healable for both of them and that the stuff one day is just gone. for reaching there at some point of our lives, i am asking such questions....if it is possible or not possible that a male survivor who had both types of perps can only have fantasy about one type of child.
i am not at all what you think i am - i am no male survivor unfriendly female beast...i am surely the opposite and i can see the survivor in my husband despite him having abused my own child!
so please dont say i assume things, cause i surely dont. i am a woman who spent days and nights for months on this site here, just to help HIM out (after of course i made sure my daughter is fine). but that doesnt mean i have to blindly believe what someoen is saying who was forced to wear a mask for lifetime and never showed his real himself (husband). i think that is my good right and also just my responsibility after what my kids and i have gone thru thanks to a survivor/perp/manipulater/perfect father (on the outside)/ aggressive control freak....but always the nice loving man.

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#409909 - 09/12/12 09:32 AM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: peroperic2009]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
thank you so much pero for your answer. i feel understood again, after the accuses i got from other people who answered. but this must be because you know me and you know what happened in the family.
thank you so much and your article helped me out A LOT!!!
thank you for being a friend.

ela
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#409910 - 09/12/12 09:36 AM Re: Question about fantasies - please answer honestly [Re: confusion4life]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
thank you bob!
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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