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#409845 - 09/11/12 02:09 PM Sensing that others have also been abused...
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
...what is it a person senses? I have heard from some people that they can just look at a person and know they have suffered some kind of trauma....what is it that can be seen or sensed? Is it body language? Speech patterns?

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#409858 - 09/11/12 07:25 PM Re: Sensing that others have also been abused... [Re: Steve0123]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
My frnd Lenny was abused by a priest for CSA (I know..can u believe?), his father for psychotic physical violence.

We both "spoke the same language. In the first 20 years we were frnds we NEVER spoke of abuse, but we just KNEW. We each knew what the other went through.

There were others in my life as well. In the teen years, there were those who you just knew. There are things that victims will say, will do, will not say and not do. It seems as natural as teaming-up with other Americans whilst in Tanzania.
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#409860 - 09/11/12 08:02 PM Re: Sensing that others have also been abused... [Re: Steve0123]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
....I have met 2 people in the past few months and even without talking to them, I instantly just new....I attribute it to a look on their face but I can't really pinpoint what it is I see...

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#409861 - 09/11/12 08:16 PM Re: Sensing that others have also been abused... [Re: Steve0123]
traveler Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
i can often tell the kids in my classes that have been abused - whether verbally, physically, or sexually - i can't distinguish which - but there is a "haunted" look - a wariness, a knowing, sad expression that is too mature in the eyes. it's not as easy for me to tell with adults.

lee
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sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
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and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
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#409872 - 09/12/12 12:31 AM Re: Sensing that others have also been abused... [Re: traveler]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6815
Loc: USA
Yes I think there is something in us sometimes that can sense the pain in another. I think it's empathy.

And yes we can see certain symptoms in others.

The odd thing is that some adults who have experienced abuse blind themselves to symptoms of abuse in their children.

Puffer

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#409902 - 09/12/12 09:22 AM Re: Sensing that others have also been abused... [Re: pufferfish]
Still Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: pufferfish

The odd thing is that some adults who have experienced abuse blind themselves to symptoms of abuse in their children.

Puffer



Some do that "blindness thing" with CSA, depression, drugs, bullying-anxiety, etc

Mine saw actual evidence of all that. All I had to say was "nope, nuthin like that going on..."
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#409932 - 09/12/12 12:27 PM Re: Sensing that others have also been abused... [Re: Steve0123]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
I used to have the eyes of a predator/prey. Always looking for weaknesses or ways out. Though I guess it a good survival mechanism, I deemed this unhealthy. Over time, I learned to turn this off.

A long time ago I wrote a poem here called "Mind Going Away" I think it is a common trait of losing focus, checking out for a few seconds and being somewhat distant.

Ever try to give a survivor a compliment...??? (that hasn't seen recovery)...there is a tell tale sign...

To be honest, I can drive myself rather psychotic with all sorts of trivial things. I also have an anxiety disorder that I absolutely hate. It's not that I am blind, but I try not to focus on what is broken in people. This is part of the eyes of a predator/prey thing that is literally exhausting.

It is well known, in my inner circle that I am a fellow survivor, and I am here as such anytime you want talk.

I am a little weird around children as I constantly see myself. (innocence in them). At the end of the day, I am a "protector" to those I come in contact with, but I can't save the world...


Best of You (Foo Fighters)

island
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