I have never heard this topic brought up in church before. Maybe a blessing but it still screwed up my day.

I am the ASL (American sign language) interpreter at church and usually never actualy process the message that given from the pulpit. Sounds strange but when interp. your mind tends to drift in and out of words and phrases never putting them together for your mind to comprehend. Well yesterday while at church a group from another area were talking about therapy for those suffering from addiction. They went on to talk about CSA and groups that can help those struggling through life. I did not realize what was being said until I stammered, trying to think of the sign for MOLESTATION. Needless to say the deaf people at my church never recieved the rest of the message. It threw me into a tail spin. I sat listening to this persons story.

I feel terrible that hearing it come out of somones mouth made me cringe and totaly diconnect for the rest of the day. I never felt that way before, ive always in my mind told them to stop whining but now I feel very uncomfortable and exposed when I hear people openly talk about it. I feel like people know and can see it in me, like all eyes were on me. I know no one knew but it sure felt that way yesterday. My poor wife I could see the horor in her eyes when we made eye contact..

Just blowing off steam and feeling real crappy today...

-JAY-

Sorry Jay,

You are so much stronger than you know.

G

Thanks G .....

Jay,
I hate to hear that u feel this way. One positive I think about this is that there was talk about it an talk brings awareness to the issue. It is great that your church provides that service for the hearing impaired. Hope you are feeling better and it wasn't too rough on you. Best wishes

Very true Country, I just need to get used to hearing it being spoken about so that I dont recoil when hearing it in person..

Jay,
It sounds like it hit out of the blue. No wonder it was a shock, like being stripped naked in front of the church body.

It is another example of 'why' this subject needs to be discussed more. I am guessing that your pastor must be making a sincere attempt to extend a resource to the community by inviting this group to address the subject to his congregation. Since it is still your own private matter, it probably did not occur to the church leadership to give you a 'heads up' about the topic. It surely never crossed their mind that a survivor was in such close proximity to them.

If your pastor is trustworthy, this may be a perfect opportunity to talk with him in private and request a 'heads up' when a triggering subject will need your assistance in signing in the future.

Sounds like you handled the awkward and startling moment with wisdom and class. There is never any shame in taking the high road. Pat yourself on the back for making a good, sound call on the fly.

This is not a moment for beating yourself up and shaming yourself, this is a time to be proud for behaving professionally when you had the wind knocked out of you while standing in front of an audience. It takes a STRONG survivor to pull that off!

WKeith,

You are right, it does need to be discussed more often. Unfortunately I cannot approach the local church heads to talk with them about it. The intentions of the church are nobel but we have a clergy that is ever changing and within our own church. 1 day its one person and in 2 years it could be someone else. Right now the head is a friend of mine and soon it could be the person teaching sunday school. So long story short everyone will eventualy know. One thing this has taught me is I have the ability to shut down until it passes and im ok with that for now.

You did give good advice, I am going to request pulpit topics a week in advance and tell them its to study idioms that may be topic specific. That actualy doesnt mean a whole lot but they wont know..

Thank!!!!

-Jay-

I think your awesome Jay!
You handled this great considering you were blindsided. My hats off to you for being the ASL interpreter at your church. Everyone seems to handle their CSA a little differently I have noticed. I was very relieved to find the MS website and found that I was not alone. Many are not comfortable speaking openly yet. I am at the opposite end of the scale and very vocal about my CSA. We all deal with this at our own pace. I am honored to read your post and share in your progress. With Christ we will overcome this.
Stay strong my friend,
Randy