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#409684 - 09/10/12 10:20 AM The bravest/best thing you've ever done
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Hey guys,

Sometimes it seems to me that we dwell on the shitty, the crappy and the insane, well, because that's what brings us together. But I'd bet that all of us have done things at times that are noteworthy, brave, even fantastic.

Let's put some of those things down, for the record.

Here's one.

When I was in middle school, my friend's stepdad (who was a fucking sleazebag) and who never seemed to work, would pick up porn channels on his satellite dish and have them playing in the living room when we got home from school. He'd be sitting there in his underwear with a disgusting hard-on. He'd make his youngest stepson sit next to him, sometimes on his lap. He'd ask us all to sit on the couch, too, and then we'd watch these disgusting shows. He'd also order us around, like send us on errands to get him pop or chips or whatever from the convenience store. Once, he sent us to get pistachio nuts. He'd make dirty jokes all the time, too. He was a fat and disgusting asshole. As he gave my friend a few dollars for the pistachios, he said, with this gross and leering face, "You know what happens when I eat pistachios?" He was getting ready to say they make him horny or something, but I yelled, right into his face, "They make you FAT!" And then I ran out of the house. I think that was the beginning of me fighting back and pushing away the sexual abuse in my life. I swear to God it was an involuntary act, but I also think it was one of the bravest things I've ever done. I was terrified of that horrible pervert!

Tell me some good stories, guys.

Bob

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#409702 - 09/10/12 11:23 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6597
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Got married!
_________________________
Objects In Mirror are Less Than They Appear.

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#409716 - 09/10/12 01:43 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:36 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#409717 - 09/10/12 01:55 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Wow, BDGD, wow!

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#409787 - 09/11/12 02:32 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Good thread, Bob. I don't know that serendipitous would be an accurate description, but it was loaded for me when I recalled it.

I believe it was the same summer the CSA had continued at the church camp where I was a counselor. Two of the perp's teenage sons were also counselors.

I came across one of them violently shaking an 8-10 year-old camper by the shoulders and yelling at him. The kid was absolutely terrified of this sloppy, fat bully, at least twice his size. I can still visualize the kid's eyes bulging. I don't know where it came from, but I told the bully to knock it off, immediately put a stop to it and the kid ran off.

Naturally the bully attempted to minimize the whole thing. I don't recall if I ever mentioned the incident to anyone. Probably not. Obviously at 16 I couldn't put it all together, but I believe that confronting the perp's son was my way at the moment to get back at the perp.

Today the son is a father and school teacher.

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#409815 - 09/11/12 09:32 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
My list:

1. I went back to middle school every day after/while being abused by other kids.
2. I told my wife about the CSA in my past.
3. I started to work with a therapist.
4. I admitted that I had problems – named them – and identified what had caused them.
5. I spoke at a school staff meeting to tell my story of being bullied - to persuade them to take it seriously at our school.
6. I started spilling everything here on the MS forums.

I guess it’s no surprise that everything is related to abuse. Everything else in my life that was challenging – moving alone across country at 21 to start a new life in a place where I knew no one, taking a job half-way around the world in a foreign country, living in the jungle for several weeks, sending my kids to another country for college – all pales in comparison. I am impressed every time I log on here by the courage of every survivor who keeps on going… for some, getting up in the morning is an act of bravery.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#409816 - 09/11/12 09:35 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Thanks, Lancer. That's a good one. I wonder if it was possible to stand up for someone else, a vulnerable kid, because it wasn't you. You know, it's often easier for us to stand up for someone else rather than ourselves. And, yet, it's not easy. It's never easy to stand up to an aggressor. And standing up for someone else can lift us up in our own lives, plus, that act is what separates us from the abusers out there. Instead of victimizing the defenseless, we protect them. That's huge. In fact, just writing that has brought, literally, tears to my eyes. Thank you for what you did those years ago.

Bob

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#409819 - 09/11/12 09:46 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Hey Lee,

I was just about to send you a PM to ask you to post here. I hear you on number 6. Holy crap. Well, actually, on all of them. Especially numbers 1 through 5! And to tell the truth, I'd love to hear more on all of them if/when you feel like telling. Will you guys invite the people you see regularly to post here? I'd love to see this list grow. I have a selfish reason. I want to be able to bring it up and read it whenever I'm feeling low. I have HUGE respect for everyone who posts here....

Thanks,
Bob

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#409836 - 09/11/12 01:26 PM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Completely unexpected reaction Bob. THANK YOU. Until you mentioned that, I don't think the I'd had any gut awareness of the depth of the situation and I'm still processing it at this moment. Wow. Made my day.

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#409880 - 09/12/12 02:28 AM Re: The bravest/best thing you've ever done [Re: Robert1000]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 953
Loc: southern California
The hardest and bravest thing I ever did was to stop subjecting myself to a cruel, abusive and hateful family. It took me until age 47, but I finally reached the point where I could endure no more. I had given all I had, including my savings, my retirement account, my home, my career, and my soul.

Throughout my childhood I was indoctrinated to believe that love means absolute obligation, unselfishly and sacrificially giving, and literally giving my life and all I have to narcissistic people, just because they are the family unit I was born into. It was the power my father had to sexually and physically abuse me, and the power the remaining family members used to cover it all up. I continued to 'honor my parents' into adulthood, by granting their greatest wish: keeping silent and portraying a wholesome, evangelical Christian family.

When I had nothing but the very last ounce of dignity, I took that thimbleful, ceased communication with the abusive people, and turned to face the wrath of God I had been brainwashed to believe I would have coming to me if ever I cared for and protected myself.

If anyone has 'forgiven' their pedophile parent or sibling and that person continues abuse in different forms, please, for your sake and those who love you, leave those people in your past. I learned a valuable lesson:

Martyrdom is NOT a noble character trait, nor is it the earmark of integrity. It is voluntary, unnecessary, unfruitful self-victimization.[i][/i]
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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