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#409379 - 09/07/12 12:38 PM question of the moment
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I wonder what it is like
   to wake up and know you had friends
People you could call just to say hello
   or “whatcha upto?”
      or even
               “got a minute to talk?”

they wouldn’t need to know
    that dark secret
         the one that scares people away
         or makes people think you’re crazy
         for not already being “over it”

no, they wouldn’t need to know
but …. you knew
   if the conversation ever went that way
you could tell them
            and it wouldn’t change anything
                      except maybe,
                      for a minute,
                               they might feel sad for you
but remain a friend.

I really do wonder
            just what that’s like…

can anyone out there tell me?
      anyone?
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#409445 - 09/07/12 10:25 PM Re: question of the moment [Re: MarkK]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3391
Loc: somewhere in Africa
sorry - not me.

hope you find out for yourself some day soon.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#409556 - 09/08/12 11:06 PM Re: question of the moment [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
somehow, friend lee - i'm not really expecting a lot of positive posts from this
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#409585 - 09/09/12 12:17 PM Re: question of the moment [Re: MarkK]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
This is a point to ponder, the closeness of seemingly "easy" friendships and the burden of sexual abuse experiences in a survivor.

On the one hand we see guys bonding over grill fires, cold beers, teaching their children to ride bicycles, and talking over the fence. We can do that too, once, maybe twice, then we stop looking into the eyes, we pretend we are too busy, we look from behind curtains to see if anyone is about before we venture out. I work in a campground and live there, I get to know everyone, and I find it difficult to carry on a relationship with the "seasonal campers". The weekenders and the folks working and passing through are a breeze to get to know, fix a few things for them, and have a meal, once, it is sketchy after that.

Mark, a friend of mine who did not know of the abuse, gave me some business advice. He said "Sam, initiate programs, track the progress and conclude if it is something you could sustain." Enough said right? Hardly, unless you are much smarter than I am, well, that goes without saying... I was in Florida at a campground and was promoted from a working camper paying off a site for a few months to general manger in two months. Yep, the GM embezzled money, I was called back from an off site job to keep the park. The workers were related or loyal to the previous GM and it was incredibly difficult to do the job. I got the advice and it really helped. Basically, he was saying, try anything, within reason. Interact with the staff in ways you think may be successful, and the things that are successful keep doing, the things that do not, discard.

I applied that, and it was a great relief. It spilled over into my personal life, and helped me begin a new process that has kept me firmly in recovery as well, an added bonus. I had usually began a whirlwind relationship with others, getting bigger and bigger until I could not sustain it, then I disappeared. Now I start small, a smile and a wave, then get to know some about them, and give a bit of myself.., school, interests, yard work, how to remove a corroded 120V 350mcm leg off a corroded line and piggyback in a weatherproof to the second leg of the 200A to restore daisy chain to the circuit, right? Just everyday stuff. If the words keep me invested, I keep going. I have found seriously personable folks that like me, and I like them. I have sincere conversations, some that have led to abuse disclosures, some have just be "feel good". Sometimes I stutter when I talk, sometimes I get hyper, sometimes I can get way out there, but these folks take it in stride. I am working on karaoke... more later.

Oh man, I always get wordy when I am listening to Dave Matthews and replying, my bad. Mark it is coming, maybe not amazingly positive, but not half bad, eh?

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#409673 - 09/10/12 09:00 AM Re: question of the moment [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
one positive, one negative . . balance.
except I suppose my authoring was a negative, so the scales are still tipped off to the right.

Thanx for your response, Sam. I look forward to your insights.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#409680 - 09/10/12 09:29 AM Re: question of the moment [Re: MarkK]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
In the yearning there may be hope, certainly there a desire, and in desire, there may be hope that it is achievable and in such achievement, can there be anything negative? My count is two and two, not bad. However this is your topic, so I digress to your insights, fellow survivor.

My best to you Mark and Lee, to promises unfulfilled, that the accomplishment of said promises be sweeter when realized.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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