I'm a 40-something divorced mom with two sons. Young men ages 21 & 17. My younger son revealed that his dad's girlfriend's teen son abused both sons together beginning 2000 (ages 4 & 9) lasting a few years. The abuser made them do things together. More recently he said my older son continued to abuse him after & ended years ago. This is all complicated by mental illness in our family. The older boy was being treated for severe anxiety long before this happened, but is now schizoaffective & when psychotic he mumbles things related to abuse without knowing. My bipolar 17yr old is falling apart. We all still live under one roof, plus I don't have insurance or $$ for therapy right now. It's hard to accept I missed this.

My younger son started showing more PTSD symptoms & asked to do an outpatient psych program he's been with before. The intake person only heard one thing--CSA. Not that it was both kids abused & all abuse ended 7-10 yrs ago. Didn't let him in the program, suspect due to no insurance, but DCFS showed up & broke up my family for a full investigation. Son now says that's the reason he never told (break up the family) & now says he will not tell anyone again, even though he's really messed up. Any ideas?

Wow, so much going on there. Hugs to you and your family You must be a very strong woman to hold all of this together Missy. Is there any chance Dad will help with $$ I assume DCFS is child services? If the abuse ended that long ago, can you really call what the older brother did as abuse? The teen abuser made them do things together... the older one just coninued to act this out after the teen moved on, but if it ended 7-10 years ago, then it stopped before the older one even reached puberty. Is this still considered abuse? Is the child services a venue that can be used to get you son therapy that would be covered somehow?

About blaming yourself, this happened when your boys were away from you with their father and combined with mental illness issues, I think it is very fair to have missed some signs if any existed. My H (abused 6-12 yo) is an absolute master at hiding any signs of his abuse. No one had a clue when he was young and no one knew until his younger brother (also abused) told the family. My H appears grounded, easy going and confident. He spent many years being the hockey star and then a singer in a band, that no one saw the real him... just this facade that he wanted everyone to see.

Let your blame go... it will only sap your energy from being able to deal with, make sound decisions and support your sons now. I wish you all the best and wish I could have given more concrete advice about your situation now.