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#409450 - 09/07/12 10:41 PM .
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:42 PM)

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#409451 - 09/07/12 11:21 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I've sent you a PM.

Yes it was very irritating. It was an automatic response that just happened during mb. I'm sure it was from memories of being tortured and abused. Mine was mostly contractions of my abdominal muscles (abs). But I suppose lots of guys get body memories in their rectal area.

I hope this illustration doesn't offend anybody. If you've ever had a male dog and you rub his back, he has an involuntary response of humping. This is the closest example I can give for it.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (09/07/12 11:25 PM)

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#409453 - 09/07/12 11:49 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1557
Loc: New England
I have no memory of beibg violated anally, only orally. But I have had sensations of rectal fullness...like somethings in there...when there isn't. Usually it wakes me up from sleep when it happens. I wonder....

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#409458 - 09/08/12 12:42 AM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Metolius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/12
Posts: 41
Loc: Oregon
For me, it's an ongoing tightness in my throat. Some of it directly correlates to the one fragmentary memory of being forced to perform oral sex.

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#409463 - 09/08/12 01:16 AM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:42 PM)

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#409519 - 09/08/12 04:15 PM . [Re: Life's A Dream]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:41 PM)

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#409523 - 09/08/12 05:39 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Life's A Dream
Mine cause arousal sometimes that I can't control, especially (go figure) the stomach contractions, but of course the feelings of having something up in my prostate shocking my genitals, duh. So, I'm not making this up, or crazy?


LAD

You were apparently tortured with a cattle prod, among other things.

For me the body memories were stomach contractions. The Abs muscles. Nothing complicated. Just during mb the muscles would contract rhythmically. Yes, for me it was unpleasant. It was like a dinosaur from another season in my life and it was acting out of control and without helping in any way. So yes, in that sense it was a memory. But the muscles were what remembered in that case. We usually think of memory as being something we do with our mind. In addition to the abs contracting, there was a heightened response of being excited.

Yes those feelings seem beyond control. The person who did it to me used a variety of things. He used a coke bottle. That was a type of bottle not used anymore. Such bottles were made of green glass and had a tapered neck. They only held 6 ounces, not very much in these "supersize" days. But it was big enough in terms of being forced up the rectum. He stuffed a sock in my mouth and forced it.... That happened the first night. At another time he used his hand. He obtained tongs from the kitchen (such as might be used to remove eggs from boiling water) which he forced up my rectum. Most torture was during mb. He was experimenting. I remember the box he brought from the kitchen with that stuff in it. Pins were in it - I mean the common type of pin used when you buy a new shirt. The box was like the bottom of a new shirt box. I don't remember the pain from the pins. I know one other person who frequents MS also had pins used on him. When pins are stuck in, they have the potential of introducing infection. He found that he could force objects "up" the rectum during sexual stimulation and it heightened the sexual arousal experience without as much experience of pain.

I think that this kind of arousal actually "trains" muscles in the person to contract spasmodically. Then later during mb the response will happen automatically. So I experienced a profound "high" during stimulation. It gradually subsided on it's own. EMDR helped. It would be like the athelete trains his muscles to kick a ball or do other stuff. But here the tummy muscles get trained by sexual activity.

It helped me to get a book or two on it. That helped me not be so afraid of what was happening. Fear was definitely a big part of the problem.

The book I got was: The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease, by Richard Scaer.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Bears-Burden-Dissociation/dp/0789033356/

Dr. Scaer (pronounced scare) is a psychiatrist in Boulder, CO. This book also addresses the problems the body experiences after a whip-lash injury in a car. I can't find that book right now. When I find it, I'll report more on what it says. When the body undergoes trauma, it learns those terrible and strong responses which it later reinacts or replays with great force.

Puffer





Edited by pufferfish (09/08/12 06:04 PM)

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#409528 - 09/08/12 06:17 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
For once here I am in the dark. I am sorry y'all have these. My body is a broken shell at this point anyway. At 38 and I have had 8 knees surgeries. A shoulder surgery, broken wrist, hernia surgery , abdominal surgery from a car wreck where my stomach and spleen ruptured also had 8 broken ribs. I have has facial surgery from that wreck also. Sony I would rather have pain from those than what y'all are explaining here. I hope y'all can find the answers and help y'all need
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#409532 - 09/08/12 06:58 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: Country]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I want to add this link to another guy's (EdfromNY) body memories and pain.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...6884#Post366884

I think that his post reminds me that after abuse I had all kinds of muscle mis-alignments. I had a head tilt and I didn't know it until a few years ago. Now that I think about it, I remember that every time someone would ask me to mount a picture or poster on the bulletin board, I would mount it crookedly. That's because my head was chronically tilted. I'm sure it was from the abuse I had at 12.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8646#Post408646

I was also chronically stiff all over, or tense if you will. I had some guys ask me to go bowling with them when I was about 20. I did a terrible job of bowling because I was tense all over.

Below is a picture of me 2 weeks after the camp where I was tortured. I was still struggling with muscle tension and misalignment. Notice I had the head tilt then. The two sides of my face are different because I had acquired a more severe dissociative disorder. I was a very unhappy kid.


All of this is described in the book I recommend in the previous post. Lots of muscle memory problems.

Puffer


Edited by pufferfish (09/08/12 07:27 PM)

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#409534 - 09/08/12 07:26 PM Re: What do body memories feel like, in detail to you? [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I'm still struggling with this head tilt. I have arthritis in the neck bones (cervical vertebrae).

I have had chiropractic adjustments every now and then. Now I know how to align my own neck. I do it several times a day.

Puffer

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