Newest Members
DT, kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS
12257 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Blank (36), christx (41), Heartonfire (38), Nathan LaChine (31)
Who's Online
6 registered (JayBro, Obi, 4 invisible), 21 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12257 Members
73 Forums
63126 Topics
441438 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#409498 - 09/08/12 11:06 AM penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!!
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1280
Loc: kansas
please note that there is a


TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!



to this thread.













































hopefully, this is enough of a buffer before i start into my post.


i was extremely humiliated, traumatized, teased and so on about the size of my genitals, by my abuser during my abuse. it's profoundly affected my self image, my self esteem and so on. it was made worse from future ridicule that i received from others during my teen years as well. the constant reminders from societies views on what makes a man, from advertisements of mens underwear, to jokes made about size in tv shows, movies and so on... all to say that men with average to larger genitals are part of what defines a "man", and that men with smaller genitals are to be considered not "man" enough.

i've learned, over the course of this past week, that i'm not alone in this. that there are others that have similar issues, that i do, in this area that have stemmed from their abuse as well.

yes, for some of us, our self image about our genitals have been brought on by our abuse. just like many other self images have been brought on from abuse.

i'm posting this topic looking for support. there have been others that have posted previously expressing the same issue. i have received MANY pm's from other users here expressing that they too have the same issue, but due to feeling so much shame about it, i completely understand how you feel that shame because i felt it too, did not want to publicly post their shame but wanted to read the responses from others that were able to post in the hopes of getting help themselves...

yes, i want this to be a productive post/thread. i, along with others, are looking for support and any thoughts, ideas, things that worked for others, to be able to work through this self image issue.

thanks for any, and all, support and uplifting advice on this issue.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#409524 - 09/08/12 05:48 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 506
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
I hope this thread is permanent, because I know I am not alone in struggling with this issue. Due to recent events, it is even harder for me to summon up the courage to admit here that I have a small penis...but I want to help support my brothers who also have an unhealthy and/or ashamed view of their manhood.

My brothers to whom this thread is dedicated, I am like you and I do understand. You are not alone.

I have no one that I can talk to about my shame and the effects that it has had on my life (my virginity being only one of them), and that hurts...it makes me feel alone. An outcast carrying a dark secret that no one wants to hear and/or help me with...and most of us know how that feels already.

I feel like less than a man...afraid of exposing myself...afraid of BEING exposed by someone (being "pantsed", for example) for fear of being ridiculed (which you can BET would include taunts and teasing about being "not much of a man"). I was bullied mercilessly in childhood and my teens - enough that I made myself sick fearing being naked in school locker rooms (which thankfully I never had to do). If I had been ridiculed about my small (and by the way, uncommonly uncircumsized) penis back then, my already fragile self-esteem would have been completely destroyed, and I would have killed myself long ago. This is a serious issue for me.

I've never called my penis a "dick" or a "cock". I never felt it was big enough for that. Makes me sad...like an outsider.

As Todd said, there are (in my opinion, harmful) references everywhere that proclaim "bigger is better". And yet, I see NO resources/support for men who are smaller (aside from dubious lengthening techniques, which involve too many horror stories).

I'm sorry I keep bringing this issue up, but you guys are the only ones I can talk to about this. PLEASE help me and your fellow brothers who suffer from this by adding your advice and support. Even if you have no advice, just letting us know that you care and/or understand is VERY helpful.

I have freed up room in my PMs in case anyone wants to message me directly. Please feel free.

Your loving brother, as always,

Bobcat

P.S. - I'm really sorry if I offended anyone with my first post.

Top
#409525 - 09/08/12 06:12 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Bobcat / Obi,
I am sorry if I offended yall..That was not my intention. I hope y'all can understand it was in no way an attack on you or your condition. I do feel sorry that you guys face this issue. I really didn't read all of the post but seen the title" support men with small(er) penises". It did kinda trigger me but after seeing that you were made fun of about this during your CSA I came to realize it is a genuine issue for you. So I am sorry if I offended you guys. Looking back I see that I probably should have just not said anything but I hope y'all do see my side of this also. I was not trying to offend really but I knew it may come across that way. I hope we can forgive a forget and move forward.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409531 - 09/08/12 06:53 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1280
Loc: kansas
apology accepted.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#409535 - 09/08/12 07:26 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
For me, the shame-based self-image brought on in me by CSA totally attached itself to my penis, and everything related to it. From it's lack of size, to how I MB, and to how I see myself in relation to normal sex, the essence of what I've felt is shameful about me seems to have centered itself around my penis, its size and its functioning. When you think about this it makes perfect sense. It was at the center of my CSA. The connections in my brain that were made between it and negative emotions (in particular shame) and arousing stimuli were ingrained, for me, at a very early age (7 or 8), the age of my abuse. Looking at this from a learning theory (Pavlov) point of view, you can say that I've associated my penis with a shame-based identity during the time of my abuse. Never thought of it like that, but it sounds correct. I have found that the more I work on trying to accept myself (with all my mistakes, weaknesses, and imperfections) the less shameful I feel in relation to that particular part of my anatomy.

Casmir


Edited by Casmir213 (09/08/12 07:32 PM)
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top
#409538 - 09/08/12 07:33 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1280
Loc: kansas
that's an interesting thought, casmir....

seeing as it is a self image thing, at least for me anyway, i can see how your theory could come into play...
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#409545 - 09/08/12 08:51 PM * [Re: Obi]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:06 PM)

Top
#409546 - 09/08/12 08:57 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1469
Loc: New England
Obi,

WB and good for you standing up for yourself and making a stand.

Gary

Top
#409552 - 09/08/12 10:26 PM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
My body image was destroyed. James bullied me when we first met. He was 14 or 15 and I was 5. Then he engaged me sexually over the course of 1.5 years. I came to associate sex with love and acceptance. I have suffered from sexual dysfunction, pornography and sex addiction, and yes my penis is smaller than the average.

Everything sex related has been shattered. I am not sure how to put it all back together, but I am doing my best. I also have a very difficult time being on the receiving end of a sexual experience. I start feeling like I am disconnecting. I have to make conscious effort to be part of the moment.

Re-learning the sexual aspects of ourselves takes a tremendous amount of awareness in trust in not only ourselves but our partners as well. Vulnerability feels extremely dangerous. But it is necessary to overcome the shame we have carried with us for so long. I have to believe that there are compassionate people willing to take part in rebuilding our sexual selves. And until I meet that person, I will wait patiently.

I can relate Obi and Bobcat. Thanks for sharing, heal well brothers.

Daniel,
_________________________
I am the warrior.

Top
#409575 - 09/09/12 10:18 AM Re: penis size/csa TRIGGER WARNING!!! [Re: Obi]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1280
Loc: kansas
thank you guys for chiming in with understanding and support...

it was said to me yesterday that there might not be any immediate answers, BUT being able to have a positive discussion about it with others that are going through similar issues does help....

i completely agree... just knowing that there are others out there, here on ms, that have expressed to me their same issues, support and understanding here in this thread, and also pm's, has been helpful for me in that at least i know i'm not alone in this struggle and perhaps together we can figure out a way to get through this for all of us...


Edited by Obi (09/09/12 10:19 AM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.