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#409279 - 09/06/12 09:11 PM How do you stop hating yourself?
traveller Offline


Registered: 09/30/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Sydney, Australia
So many of my problems and issues come back to the fact that my perpetrator instilled self-loathing in me that just won't go away, no matter what happiness and success I have in my life. I'm going to go back into therapy now cause I have just had another lapse but do any of you have any techniques that work in helping you to not hate yourself?

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#409281 - 09/06/12 09:15 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I face this too my friend. Just gotta man up an push thru it is what works for me. I think about the Vets that have lost lives and limb for me to be free. That makes me feel better and luckier.


Edited by Country (09/06/12 09:16 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#409284 - 09/06/12 09:17 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
My point being , find something that you can go to immediately to help you feel better
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409285 - 09/06/12 09:20 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
someone to talk to
write a letter
read a book
for me - music - get engulfed in music and I can for a while forget the world, forget how much I despise myself and my life and just ...be.
as for "man up" ... I'm not even sure what that means
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#409287 - 09/06/12 09:22 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1362
Loc: California
For me, it started with a deliberate choice to learn how to love myself.

But how?

Learn.

And I'm learning very very slowly. By stepping outside my comfort zones, listening for every murmur of my heart and its emotions to tell me what it likes and doesn't.

It also means trying to estaablish and develop relationships with loving people who care about me. Not so easy to accomplish given our history. I've found that I'm getting a lot of that support from Alanon.
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#409292 - 09/06/12 09:38 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 165
Loc: Ohio
This is a question that nags me all the time. Why do I hate my self so much? How can I learn to accept myself as I am. It's like I need people to validate that I'm worth the air I breathe. I'm working on trusting myself, trying to stop second guessing myself. To think about the good things about me. There's a song I heard, "Hate in a puddle" that pretty much asks the same question, why do I hate myself? It's really ironic how much I can let myself tear me apart, and sometimes it's my own self who is my worst critic. I don't know why that is, maybe because I'm striving for perfection, which can never be reached. I too would like to know how I can stop hating myself.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#409296 - 09/06/12 09:59 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3193
Loc: back in the USA
hi, fellow-traveller!

start small - find one thing that you like about yourself. accept that. be thankful for it. own it. cherish it. enjoy it.

that might be difficult - but you can probably think of something if you try hard enough and look at yourself objectively.

i had nice hair - there's less of it now - and not the original color, but still...
i am good at art. other people recognized that.
i could hang on to those and build on them. now my list is getting longer.

another thing i'm learning to do is - believe other people when they say positive and affirming and complimentary things. that is also hard for me. but i am getting better at it. now - instead of just automatically dismissing everything nice that anyone says, because i "know" i don't deserve it - or whatever... i stop and listen and pay attention. they are not stupid. maybe i'm beter than i thought....

it feels really weird - like i should feel guilty for feeling good about myself - but it's just trying to get back to square one. restoring the damage done by the past trauma, conditioning and all the self-condemnation that followed. it takes practise.

i can't instantly change my self-image, but i can help it evolve into something better by nurturing the positive side and starving the negative side. there is slow but steady transition - that i hope someday will become a transformation.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#409298 - 09/06/12 10:01 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: MarkK]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Man up is a term used down here in the South quite frequently. I figured most knew what it meant but thank you for letting me know you didn't. I means to dig down deep inside and push thru adversity. I guess kinda like the term " cowboy up".
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409312 - 09/06/12 10:28 PM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1369
Loc: New England
Traveler,

I just recently came to a realization. My self-hatred was instilled in me by my perp. HE defined me as a worthless peice of shit. HE defined me as nothing but a whore to fill his needs. Well where does it say he gets to define who I am NOW? He doesn't! I can define myself (once I figure out who the fuck I I am). Yes those negative voices still play in my head, but I'm learning to tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M NOT YOUR BITCH ANYMORE! Thats whats working for me.
_________________________
"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown, the dream is gone
And I have become comfortably numb."
Pink Floyd

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#409345 - 09/07/12 05:07 AM Re: How do you stop hating yourself? [Re: traveller]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Self-compassion clicked for me. There's a book with that title. I'll look it up tomorrow. Night.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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