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#4092 - 08/08/03 04:49 PM Another survivor fear of mine
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
One of my fears and it comes from being a survivor is meeting people. Specifically the thought of meeting people. I get so scared and my stomach/digestive system do a 1000 flip flops a second on me in anticipation of meeting someone. Once I get to know them, I am ok but until that point happens, it is nerve wracking freak out city for me.

Of course going into Massage this is going to be something that I have to work on and get over because otherwise, massage is going to be tough to do. I am scared because at one time I tried sales and hated it; primarily because of meeting new people.

Today, I gave a massage to a lady that is in the professional clinic and has been doing massages for some time now. We are doing a trade so on Monday, I get the massage, but today it was my turn to give her one. I wanted to do this to work on some of the fears I have and to get past a little of the fear because my massage practical will be on an instructor.

Anyway, things went very well and I managed to do it. She asked me when I got there if I wanted to work on anything special and I was like "just doing the massage". Think I kind of shocked her for a moment, but she helped me and gave me some good things to think about in how to approach these fears. When I got done, she was very pleased with the massage and gave me some very good feedback.

Now that it is over, my stomach is settling down but somehow I've got to get beyond this or it is going to be rough doing the massage. I think I can as I have conquered so many of my fears in the past few years, but this is a deep seated one.

At one time when I was a kid (even while the abuse was going on), I wasn't scared of anyone. Nothing made me stop and be quiet when talking to strangers. But somewhere between that point and now, I lost that and it does make me angry. I want it back! And maybe in all reality the course of my life I am undertaking is getting that part back for me.

Guess time will tell.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#4093 - 08/08/03 05:06 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
Redsongbird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/01
Posts: 209
Hello Don,

Sounds like you made it through it! I have a difficult time meeting people too. With teaching I am ALWAYS meeting new people..aunts, sisters, brothers...you name it. Back to School Nite is always hard for me when I meet everyone at the same time. I get emotionally exausted. I just wanted to say congrats on getting through it. And did you mean that you are becoming a massuse? Sorry spelled wrong I think. I had even thought of doing that once.

Tobey


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#4094 - 08/08/03 05:18 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Actually when I get done and pass the board exam, I will be a LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist). We actually try to stay away from the world maseusse (however it is spelled - don't know if I was close either) because of the association that word has to the adult sex industry.

Yes I do get emotionally tired from it but once I get doing the massage I am ok and then of course the added benefit of doing the massage is that I get relaxed as well. I'm still having a hard time picturing working for a living and getting relaxed as I work!

Teaching, now that scares the begibbers out of me. I have a hard enough time talking in a group of people let alone doing it every day. My hat is off to you for being able to do that.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#4095 - 08/08/03 05:39 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Don,

Would it help at all to think of how your class reacted to your paper? Or the way people here react to your posts?

My point is that remembering how people respond positively to you might alleviate some of the anxiety. It's natural for anyone to be a little uptight meeting new people. If it's worse than a little for you these days, how about reassuring yourself that people generally like and admire you? Back up the reassurance with the facts.

Also, the person you're meeting is likely to feel some anxiety, too. Maybe thinking about ways you would try to put them at ease will take your mind off your own nervousness.

HTH,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#4096 - 08/09/03 08:23 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Joe,
Thanks for the ideas. I actually tried that today and I think it helped. You may be on to something and I know when I get to see my therapist again, this is going to be top on the agenda to work on.

I had a very good day as a result in my student clinic. Of course it is the last one for me as I graduate in a little over three weeks.

The first massage was on my anatomy instructor and he graded it a 94% which I think is excellent. He gave me some very good feedback. Of course he does remind me of my father (in looks and age) and so when I first saw him on the massage table, my heart skipped a few beats. I had to regroup myself and then everything was ok but for a few moments, it was a little scary.

The second massage was on a lady that had a lot of allergies and was having a hard time breathing. So I didn't get to do some of the work that I normally do on people and thinking that it went so so, she was thrilled when I finished. In fact she didn't want it to end and thought the hour had just whisked by. She gave me all 5's on the evaluation (scale is 1 to 5, with 5 being excellent).

The last person I had was someone that just hit me a little strange when I first met him. Not really bad, but just a little too forward for me. However when we got into the cubicle, he told me that I had come recomended by an administrator at the school. I was almost in complete shock but honored. He told me that he could get plenty of clients for me because he was a realtor and he knew a lot of people. Of course he wanted deep work which is something I have struggled with. However, I was able to give him the massage he wanted and he loved it. He also gave me his business card and we talked about when I got done with school I would give him a call. He might just be my very first real client.

So by the end of clinic, after everything going so well, I was in tears. A classmate asked me what was wrong and I said nothing, I'm just so happy because I've crossed some pretty big milestones in the past couple of days.

And to top it all off, I had nightmares and an upset stomach last night so I got very little sleep.... and I managed to do all this... WOW! maybe a lack of sleep is a good thing... LOL!

A lot of growin in just a short time... And a few years ago (maybe even a year ago) I would have never believed I would be writing what I am writing here or doing what I am doing... never! You couldn't have brain washed me into believing it... see I do things the hard way, I've got to live it and struggle through it.

Anyway, thanks for the input.. It did help.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#4097 - 08/09/03 11:30 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Don,

Cool. And now you have more facts for ammunition:
Quote:
he graded it a 94%
She gave me all 5's on the evaluation
I was able to give him the massage he wanted and he loved it
Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#4098 - 08/10/03 11:29 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Don: How about that. You are doing it and man you sound so alive.

Quote:
Teaching, now that scares the begibbers out of me. I have a hard enough time talking in a group of people let alone doing it every day. My hat is off to you for being able to do that
Now about teaching Don. First of all you cannot teach an adult anything. They have to believe it came from between their ears to buy in to it. The key to this is that when you teach adults you facilitate rather than lecture. Not hard to do really.

I use to be scared shitless to speak in front of a group or teach. My stomach always tied itself into knots. But then a really great person told me that the people are there to hear what you have to say or get some training that they perceive you can provide. Important thing to remember.

Now addressing a crowd or students at the beginning. That same person said and I quote
" Look out at them and imagine they all have their pants or skirts around their ankles and they are having a crap on a toilet. Now when you visualize that it is the funniest damn thing that you can think of. I mean they do it the same way you do but 200-400 all at once wow. It always brings a smile to my face and calms the gut.

A lot of times afterwards people ask me why I am smilling at the start and I say it is because of all the new faces that I see. Just dont want to let them in on my solution for stage jitters.

It might work for you. You know Don you would be a great teacher. I can tell by the thought processes behind your posts. Orderly. In that we differ. I am all over the map. :p

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#4099 - 08/11/03 12:00 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Don It seems that it was just yesterday you where thinking about taken the class. You have come so far in such a short time.

Quote:
A lot of growin in just a short time... And a few years ago (maybe even a year ago) I would have never believed I would be writing what I am writing here or doing what I am doing... never!
You have given me hope for myself as I read your continualing story.

Father Tiggers will alse be just below the surface for you. However the more people you work with the deeper into the back of the mind will go those bad throught . Great hearing good news. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#4100 - 08/11/03 03:03 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Mikey,
Thanks because in the back of my mind, I may try to do some type of teaching at the school in the future. NOt sure, but I can see myself going that direction.

I will remember the talking in front of large groups thing and smile! I'm laughing now! It is so funny!

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#4101 - 08/11/03 03:04 PM Re: Another survivor fear of mine
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Muldoon,
Yeah, just 11 months ago, I started this course.. wow, alot in such a little time. The father triggers, they are there and not fun, but hopefully with continued work, I will be able to deal with them in a better way like I am beginning to do.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
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