This recovery sucks and I sometimes wish I never started but I finally have something positive to say in this thread. Its this:
I have let my abuser define me for 42 years- "loser, worthless, pervert, asshole, nothing but a hole for him to dump in". I'M NOT GOING TO BE DEFINED BY HIM ANYMORE.
No, that voice will probably never go away completely, but I can tell him to shut the fuck up. I will define who I am now. No one else. Somebody remind me I said this next time I start to hate myself again.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell