So my Pat has agreed to take Conor and me out so we dont have to go to the party tmrw but my mom is being a monster bitch about it and asking him fora reason and he refuses to give her one and she says that we have to stay then.
And she pisses me off b/c she is harassing pat to tell her why and when that doesnt work she tries to get Conor to tell her whats going on b/c she knows i wont, and then he pretty much shuts down and wont talk to anybody. Its ridiculous.

Adam,

This is a situation where having an older brother to help you is especially important. Perhaps Pat could take your mother aside and explain that while he cannot disclose why you can't go to this party, he DOES have excellent and compelling reasons, he knows what is best for his brothers, and this is very important.

Hopefully she will be more receptive to his opinion since he is older and more mature. But I do hope the three of you can stand your ground. Going to this party sounds like an invitation to a first-class disaster.

Much love,
Larry

He told her that it was important that we not go but that he couldt say why, and she is still saying that with out reason she wont let us out of it . He even pointed out the fact that Conor had been shutting down since hearing about this party( which he hasnt done since he was 10 or 11) but its as if she doesnt even care

thanks
- Adam

Adam,

What I see here are three brothers who need absolutely to stand by the decision you have taken. I feel very awkward about this because in essence what I am saying is that you should defy your mother's authority.

But I think in this case nothing else can be suggested. You three need to stick together, and Pat and you in particular need to make it clear that for you guys this party is just NOT happening.

Can you and Pat take this matter up with, for example, your family doctor and get him or her to speak with your mother? You can talk to the doctor in confidence and that confidence has to be respected, but the doctor can tell your mother what he or she thinks on the basis of what you have said. Perhaps this would help.

Much love,
Larry

Dumb statement: I'm taking from the context here that the mother in this situation is not aware of the abuse...?

Two possibilities: First, perhaps she's aware something is wrong here but isn't sure what, and is hoping that by being this stubborn she can get you guys to disclose. Second, perhaps she's just dense and really doesn't understand why you don't want to come to this party. Is there a backstory here I'm missing?