sounds familiar. i used to not be able to say what i wanted or what kind of touch felt good. the first time my T told me i needed to identify and state those likes and dislikes - i was nearly speechless. i had been so conditioned to think that i was not entitled to an opinion and that my wishes and preferences were so completely irrelevant and worthless that i could not answer.
and then the whole issue of touch feeling "good" - that was such a foreign concept that it was almost nonsensical. the only touch that i was OK with was my own.
fast forward: today at my session i was able to say that the tactile sense of feeling and my emotional awareness of feelings are starting to coincide. it's like the 2 lenses of binoculars coming into focus. we've been working on that. i no longer flinch or pull away when my wife touches me and i can hug with her and actually not just tolerate - but even enjoy it.
and yes - there was a temporary heightened sensitivity to touch and accompanying anxiety when i started therapy and was becoming aware of the issues and where they had originated. it has been getting better.
be patient and stick it out. it is much better after you get through it.
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9