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#408724 - 09/02/12 08:56 PM Still Crying
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Since I started crying I have not been able to stop. Anything sets me off. I have cried till my eyes are swollen shut, my throat is sore and I vomited. I can't stand much more of this. If this is what normal people feel, I don't want to be normal anymore. How can I make it stop? Its like 42 years of crying coming out all at once and I feel like a scared little kid all alone. Weak and defenseless. I want to be a man again.
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#408727 - 09/02/12 09:13 PM Re: Still Crying [Re: Jude]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 57
Loc: PA, USA
You aren't weak and defensless. That is why you can do it now. You are man enough to let that boy cry. Let him until he doesn't need to.

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#408732 - 09/02/12 10:18 PM Re: Still Crying [Re: Jude]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Gary -

like you say - it is years of repressed grief coming out all at once.

i find it's better not to fight it. just let it out. like vomiting when you're sick - gotta purge the body of the toxins. it may get easier. for me - now i can cry without anyone knowing unless they actually look at my eyes and see the tears flowing - gently and effortlessly. heck - i started tearing up just reading your post!

you are BOTH that scared little kid AND the strong man - like BDD said - who is able to face and own the incredible burden that you BOTH have secretly carried all these years. by naming it, acknowledging it and pushing through the grieving process, you will gain a measure of freedom.

it ain't fun or pretty - but it's progress. go with it!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#408742 - 09/02/12 11:26 PM Re: Still Crying [Re: traveler]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
When my memories of being abused as a child were newly surfaced, (does this sentence make sense?) I went to a conference on child abuse in my city. I cried all the way through it. The news media came over to make a video of me and I had to hide my face.

Puffer

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#408876 - 09/04/12 08:04 AM Re: Still Crying [Re: Jude]
iambubba Offline


Registered: 04/24/12
Posts: 31
Loc: Canada
I know what you mean. I still cry at the drop of a hat but sometimes it feels so good like the kid inside finally feels.
I think you gotta cry, scream, yell get mad i feel like as a child I couldn't...Now i can.

Bub

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#408893 - 09/04/12 12:26 PM Re: Still Crying [Re: Jude]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 08:08 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#408902 - 09/04/12 01:23 PM Re: Still Crying [Re: bodyguard8367]
Notreally Offline


Registered: 02/05/12
Posts: 15
I like that.

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#408904 - 09/04/12 01:42 PM Re: Still Crying [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Guys, thanks for your thoughtful responses. You give me some hope that there will be an end to this. last night I was watching Law & Order SVU and I had to leave the room because it was about boys getting raped. I started to tear up but held it in. I probably should have let it go and cried but my kids were around and i felt embarrassed.
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

Top
#408942 - 09/04/12 06:32 PM * [Re: Jude]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:03 PM)

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