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#408787 - 09/03/12 11:54 AM Please help support men with small(er) penises
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
It's difficult to admit, but I have a small penis and it has always made me uncomfortable and ashamed - so much that I'm scared of being naked in front of anyone. (I'm still a virgin.)

How could I not be ashamed? I hear men brag about having larger penises, implying that they are not only better sexual partners, but more "manly" men.

And there are MANY references in movies and TV that "bigger is better". I even once saw a guy's T-shirt that read, "Mine is bigger". What is bigger, exactly? It doesn't need to specify. We can fill in the blank. And if having a bigger penis were a bad thing, would he wear a T-shirt openly proclaiming it? Doubtful. When was the last time you saw a guy's T-shirt that read, "Mine is smaller"? How is that supposed to make the guy with a small penis feel?

Society values a bigger penis...something I was born without, and can't do anything about. (Unless I want to get a penis-enlarger, or do surgery, etc.; all of which scare me because I've read horror stories about some that have gone wrong.)

I've been told "size doesn't matter" or to "like what you have". Then I ask the guy saying it what size his penis is, and the reply is usually "average" or "above average". Of course he can say those things; he doesn't have a small penis nor any idea how embarrassing it is to have one.

Showering or being naked with other men scares me badly; I know I would be ridiculed, teased, laughed at. And that hurts. It makes me feel like I don't belong. Like I'm not a man.

It really hurts to want to belong with your own gender so much that you cry because you're not accepted by them.

Knowing that I'm not alone would help a lot. Do any of my MS brothers out there have a small penis too? Can you understand my problems? Have you gone through them too? If so, can you please share what you've done to be accepted as a man, both by others and by yourself?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and (hopefully) responding.

Your brother,

Bobcat

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#408793 - 09/03/12 01:10 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Bobcat,
must say that you've made me laughing with your post and moved me in positive kind of way. I went off couple minutes ago and when I saw it I decided to log in back smile
I want to be honest completely so to speak, that is nature of this thread so let's hear naked true.
Well I'll say that I'm not quiet satisfied (this is realy embarrassing to talk about but I'll proceed) with my size/look in "regular state" you know, hm, just to give you picture sometimes I look like some sculpture from ancient Greek's times. And those men looked like nicely built but like with some deficiency "down there" smile
I'm deep down satisfied with myself, but could be in trouble if I would see that someone is making fun of me... So I'm also avoiding being naked in some public places but if some situation brings me I let my self to go with the flow. I was in army for couple of months, ten years aago, and we had to take public baths and I didn't make fuss of it even one guy made comment about me and actually came to me to give better look on my private parts. I just laughed and proceed... Sometimes I don't car about thinking of others but I'm not always with so strong will.
I was this summer in Germany at sea side and seeing many people (all families) naked on the beach with different ages, shapes and curves was very positive experience, I almost got will to strip myself too. There nobody seems to care and I like it so much!!!
Hang on brother, there is nothing to be shamed of being yourself!!!

Pero
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#408797 - 09/03/12 02:08 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Notreally Offline


Registered: 02/05/12
Posts: 15
Man, if there is something that bothers you that much about yourself I say wear it on your sleeve. Laughing at yourself is an important aspect, and display, of self worth.

You say you could be in trouble if somebody makes fun of you. Visualize being made fun of and saying some silly shit that shows how little of a fuck you give. That's a powerful display of self worth to show yourself and others.

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#408800 - 09/03/12 02:13 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Notreally Offline


Registered: 02/05/12
Posts: 15
like you could smile harmlessly and say

"hey, if you act nicer I can teach your wife how to do anal."

I don't know that was just the first thing i thought of.

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#408802 - 09/03/12 02:17 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1400
Loc: kansas
.


Edited by Obi (09/05/12 09:54 PM)
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#408804 - 09/03/12 02:25 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Notreally Offline


Registered: 02/05/12
Posts: 15
Okay, well I'll say it like this:

Just remember that your self worth is what makes you masculine and that it is within your control. It has likely been damaged but it is what you should always focus on in any situation where you feel like you aren't enough of a man, you shouldn't think I feel this way because my penis is small or because I'm short or ugly or stupid or ect. You should think how is my self worth failing me right now, and how do i show myself my worth while facing up to whatever makes me feel inferior. Sometimes putting on a brave face is just ignoring how you feel, but sometimes a brave face is the exact bravery you need.


Edited by Notreally (09/03/12 02:26 PM)

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#408816 - 09/03/12 04:31 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Bobcat, this was not an easy thread to read, but I'm glad I did.

Myself, i have no idea how big the size of my thing is compared to other guys for the simple reason that A, I would need to be standing pretty close to other guys to look at their things with my level of sight, (either that or looking at some pretty illegal images that I would not wish to see), and B, after far too many occasions being exposed in secondary school by girls and! boys, I find being in any way naked in a public place, even just having my shirt off triggering to the point of freezing, ---- so from my perspective the fact that you even get! naked anywhere but in your bedroom at home seems pretty courageous.

i love the idea of nudist resorts, or of swimming naked in the sea, ---- not for exhibitionism, or for seeing others, just for the shear pleasure in being myself, free, naked and utterly uncaring under the sun, but I just cannot do that.

Heck, if i see my own appearence, i constantly think I'm uggly,for all I can dress in clothes I like (I like wearing them, not seeing me! wearing them). It doesn't matter what I do, even if I've been doing intensive physical exercize or whatever, I just intrinsically cannot shift the belief that I am myself worthless and repulsive.

However, the solution i apply s simple. i'm me, piss off!

if I go to a swimming pool in my swim shorts and shirt, and someone comments, I would reply "I'm comfortable! like this" sinse whatever worthlessness I feel, I know that to be an incorrect opinion, the judgement of a bad critic.

I cannot yet do this with my own nudity, but I heave learnt to do it with my phsycial appearence. I! may think I'm uggly, but I know myself I'm not trustworthy, in fact just last week at music school i was playing Marco in the light opera the Gondoliers, one of a pair of gondoliers "so peerless in their beauty that they shame the summer skies" ---- and simulating all the confidence I could I dam well played! peerless in my beauty, indeed the action when I turned around to the female chorus, grinned, then combed my hair back with my fingers got a real laugh from the audience.

I agree, this is not easy. Worthelssness for whatever reason is a dam strong voice to silence, ---- but ask yourself this, if another man said he had a small peanus, would you see him as hatefull or ridiculous? ---- methinks not.

On the male sterriotype business, well again my answer there would be to ask why being a man is important?

I myself lift weights, run, have done rock climbing and skeeing, cycled the tour de france route and drink neet dark rum.

yet, I also like rose tea, musical theatre, prefer my flat to be clean, and get on extremely well with very young babies.

All of these I view as contingent facts about myself and unimportant. if someone said for instance I wasn't a "real man" because I don't drink beer and find football boring, ---- I'd say what is the point in being a "real man" sinse that is really shallow to me.

Equally, someone who walks around with a T shirt saying "mine is bigger" I'd just regard as a shallow, crass fool who planely has nothing on his mind but his own anatomy, ---- and obviously could not find a more interesting or individual T shirt to wear, which is really quite pitiful.

I know with society's sterriotypes of men as precisely such shallow, crass idiots it's extremely difficult to break the feeling, but I think it's more than worth it in the long run, just as I found myself that once I'd decided to treat my own feeling of worthelssness as utterly untrustworthy and therefore unimportant, it started to have far less power over me.

I hope some of these ideas are helpfull, and as I said, from my own paralysis by fear, I already regard where you are with this as a major step forward, (I know comparisons with others are not wise, but perhaps recognizing your own progress here might be helpfull).

Luke.

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#408818 - 09/03/12 05:07 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
versailles Offline


Registered: 08/30/12
Posts: 6
Loc: Scotland
I can't really relate to feeling embarassed about my penis (it's average), but I thought I'd try offer a bit of input anyway that you might find helpful.

To be honest, the guys I've been with who've had bigger than average cocks have seemed much more insecure about theirs than the guys I've met with smaller ones. I've felt that most of those guys I've seen have needed me to acknowledge their size as if they were trying to prove something. You'd think that having a big one would make a guy more confident but from what I've seen, they seem to obsess about it more than most and it kind of kills the mood.


Edited by versailles (09/03/12 05:07 PM)

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#408819 - 09/03/12 06:01 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
There's an old expression:
"It's not the size of the magician's wand, it's how he uses it"

Most men have some complex about the size of their penises. It probably comes from the times when we see the penis of our father or maybe an older brother. We feel really inadequate. It's compounded for men who have been sexually abused, whether by males (whose penises are bigger because they are older) or females (whose vaginas are bigger when they are older).

In addition, when we look at our penises when going to the bathroom, we see something smaller than it really is. Take a look at your penis in front of a mirror. It will look a bit larger than the one you are holding in your hand at the toilet.

In addition, when you look at commercial porn (or even "amateur" porn), the males are chosen for their size. Makes one feel a bit inadequate? Even the "amateur" ones are probably above average. I doubt if someone would star in such a video if he felt below average.

Even if you are a virgin (and there's nothing wrong with that, as Seinfeld used to say), you should not be worried about your size, whether smaller or average. I know it's hard to not worry, but the act of sex is tough enough without extraneous crap rattling around your brain.

Relax!

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#408821 - 09/03/12 07:48 PM Re: Please help support men with small(er) penises [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1400
Loc: kansas
.


Edited by Obi (09/05/12 09:55 PM)
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