Newest Members
Jay1159, jon-jon, want more, pgh15217, Barracuda312
12343 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
GeneF48 (66), kun wang (32)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 21 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12343 Members
74 Forums
63437 Topics
443456 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 >
Topic Options
#408774 - 09/03/12 10:39 AM Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I can't tell others what they should believe in regarding faith, CSA and finding a new direction. I can only speak for me. As a Christian I know that CSA along with verbal and physical abuse are not what God wants for any child or adult. I've learned through my counselors that I had been programmed to believe abuse was all I was made for. It provided affection that I didn't get at home, having been born into a place that didn't really want me, at least that was the message I received clear enough. Others picked up on that, and through it used me for their own enjoyment. My CSA started around age 6, by age 9 or 10 I was an expert at providing oral sex and when puberty hit, I became promiscuous as many survivors do. I never left the Church, but fear kept me from saying anything and I always felt the best I could do was stand on the edge but not really be a part of the body of believers. I am lucky too as no one at Church ever abused me, I only wish I could have known how to reach out or that any adult had noticed I was in pain inside. The first person who abused me threatened to hit me if I didn't cooperate and provide what he wanted. So I did, as I got hit enough at home and knew what it meant. That started the programming in me, and I am pretty sure he let others know about "that kid will play". Each event deepened the programming, and further convinced me I was beyond God's love. Around age 9, four men picked me up when I was walking home and used me. I don't think anyone at home noticed I was gone for a couple of hours. Why? I can't understand that.

Still, I know now that was all a bunch of lies. I know too that God never left me and He has led me to people who helped me to see the truth. The hardest part of starting counseling was the feeling that other's had it much worse, as I have read in some stories here. My counselor taught me that even one event is bad, and that it is not a competition and it was not our fault! I know I have a lot of work yet to do, and I am finally getting to start counseling again this week. It will help to to keep on sorting out the things I still don't understand. There is a lot I don't understand and the confusion makes me sad. Still as I have said before, I know I am not defined by what they said I was. I am only defined by who God says I am, and He does not care where I have been, only where I am going. It feels like I have a long road ahead, but maybe it won't be as long as I'm feeling, and I know I am on the right path now. Even though I stumble at times, I really appreciate all that I'm learning here and know it's a privilege to be here. I will keep moving forward, I will figure it out and I will become the person God meant for me to be...


Edited by BuffaloCO (09/09/12 05:21 PM)
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#408795 - 09/03/12 01:51 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
quasimodo Offline


Registered: 09/03/12
Posts: 8
Loc: Kansas City, Kansas
Wow, it sounds like you know the direction in which you want to go. My own realization that my abusers were really f'ed in the head has taken a lot of the feelings of guilt(my own participation) and put the onus back on them. I had no control of those situations, but I do have choices now. I can choose whether to act out or not. I can chose whether to heal or not. I can choose to do something about my addictions or not. To do nothing is to change nothing. I needed changing and that is what I started three years ago (I am 53 now). I rely on my Higher Power giving me the strength I need to do the things I need to do to stay in a mentally healthy place. It has taken a lot of hard work but every second has been worth it.

Stay strong and keep your focus like a laser on getting better.

lb

Top
#408808 - 09/03/12 02:54 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Buffalo,
I must notice that you've surprised me with your openness and with sharing your story, just proceed like that further if you feel good about it. You've been more than courageous do tell us all that, you have my hat off!
God love us all smile !


Pero
_________________________
My story

Top
#408815 - 09/03/12 04:27 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
versailles Offline


Registered: 08/30/12
Posts: 6
Loc: Scotland
Thanks for sharing your story. I feel like I can relate to a few of the things you brought up, even though my abuse happened when I was 22.

I don't consider myself Christian (or any other religion), but the main thing that I took from my experience was the sense of some sort of God being involved and that I wasn't alone in it. I have some pretty strong beliefs that I've come to realise through the things I've seen.

I can't speak for anybody else, but I think in my life, the horrible things I went through eventually healed a lot of the things that had been wrong with me to begin with.

I completely understand what you mean when you said it's a privelege to be here smile You seem to be doing so well and I think sometimes we have to just keep going and doing our best and trust that we're headed the right way.

Top
#408822 - 09/03/12 07:51 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3379
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
I know I have a lot of work yet to do, and I am finally getting to start counseling again this week. It will help to to keep on sorting out the things I still don't understand, like my desire to act out. There is a lot I don't understand and the confusion makes me sad. Still as I have said before, I know I am not defined by what they said I was. I am only defined by who God says I am, and He does not care where I have been, only where I am going. It feels like I have a long road ahead, but maybe it won't be as long as I'm feeling, and I know I am on the right path now. Even though I stumble at times, I really appreciate all that I'm learning here and know it's a privilege to be here. I will keep moving forward, I will figure it out and I will become the person God meant for me to be...


Good post, Buffalo!

that's pretty much how i feel, too, though there are ups and downs.

please keep on contributing. it is really helpful to see stuff like this.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#408858 - 09/04/12 12:55 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thanks for sharing that story Buffalo. All I can say is Amen brother. Amen. The same God that parted the Red Sea and turned water into wine and caused the blind to see is the same God we serve today. Alot may ask " where was God at". Well God was not it the people that abused us thru free will. Christians are not safe from free will of others. The abusers were with out God not us. Again thanks for sharing.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#408906 - 09/04/12 01:59 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
Can faith come out of fear? In being honest with myself I realize I am now praying my heart out because I am lost and I am afraid...

Top
#408908 - 09/04/12 02:05 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Hi Steve, I was able to face my fear through working with my Christian T's. Will admit it was not easy facing that along with the anger. They were both a huge help there, and I no longer have the nightmares. That was a big step forward for me too. I know I have stuff left to sort out, but each step is a good one. I know too that for me the fear came from the dark one, who wanted me to stay afraid, and wanted me to feel guilt and shame too. Once I realized that God knows everything, I didn't have to feel ashamed, guilty or fearful any more. That chain was broken, and now I can work on my programming and other stuff I still don't understand. Stay strong! smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#408930 - 09/04/12 05:18 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Steve, u have no need to fear if u have God first in your life. Let it all go and surrender all ur worries and fears to Him. The bible says , I think like over 300 times, not to fear. Fear is directly from satan.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409009 - 09/05/12 07:50 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2575
God's Word tells us that, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom."

When we realize our place before God, fear is normal. BUT it's the BEGINNING! It's not how it's supposed to remain.

God's Love, Perfect Love, will in time banish all fears, as you realize that God's plans for your are to prosper you and give you hope and a future.

Certainly pray your heart out, and know that God hears your prayers.

Top
#409621 - 09/09/12 06:23 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
So, I started T again last Thursday with the same Christian counselor I had before. She's very good and says God is telling her stuff I need to do. I'll do whatever she thinks I need to because I trust her and God. I don't want to be doing this, but I know the alternative holds nothing good for me so I'll keep going forward. I know now too there will be a day when this sadness will be gone for good, permanently. It will just take some work getting there.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#409738 - 09/10/12 04:18 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Stay positive Buff. There is some reason y'all have been linked together. Beat of luck bro
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409850 - 09/11/12 06:12 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks everyone. With all the support I get here, with my counselor and through the few friends at church who know about this, I will do my best to stay positive and sort it all out. I'm ok with it not being easy, because I understand now that is just part of the process. I have gotten this far and will not turn back. smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#409904 - 09/12/12 09:27 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thats why windshields are bigger than rear view mirrors. It is more important to see where you are going than where you have been.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409908 - 09/12/12 09:32 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe
-John 20:29
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411157 - 09/23/12 02:28 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I have to share this. When I first reconnected with God, I came to understand and say quite proudly that I am not longer defined by who "they" said I was. Yesterday I realized that I was NEVER defined by who they said I was. I am becoming less afraid to step out and testify, and I will get to that point where I can do that. Things still hit me like emotional waves, and it still hurts but I am moving forward. Knowing now what I learned yesterday will help me to get to where He wants me to be. smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#411173 - 09/23/12 08:46 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Great and I am soo happy for you my brother. I was hit with a big ole smile when I read this. Thanks for sharing and I am glad to see you growing and God working thru you.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#414275 - 10/25/12 09:12 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I'm praying to God to help me, as I can't deal today. He can, and tomorrow will be better, has to be...
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#414286 - 10/25/12 11:56 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
Call out to God for help. God works. Call upon Him. Just say: "God help me".

That's what I did at age 15 when I was at the end of my rope. I was all alone. I found an empty classroom during lunch and cried. God answered. Monday I sought help from the social worker, who arranged for me to have speech therapy. Another boy came up and asked me to eat lunch with them. That is, to be in their clique. No more tears.

Puffer

Top
#414298 - 10/26/12 02:00 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
What works for me brother. I turn on some good worship music and start praising God. Then that leads me to a place where my prayer seems so direct and in tune with God. When it is a very difficult issue I recently fasted and it was amazing how God moved in my situation. The battles we far have already been won in Jesus name. We just pray and claim that victory brother. I hate that you are struggling but I know the struggle solver and you do too. The devil comes at us hard especially when we are believers. It is written tho that if you rebuke him in the name of Jesus that he must flee. Not may flee or should flee. He must flee. God cast him out of heaven like a bolt of lightning. He don't want no more of that brother. So praise God, then pray to God and claim your victory in Jesus name. Buff I know you can do this brother. Get personal with God. Talk to Him. I love ya brother and I know He will protect and provide. He saves and sustains. Pilate couldn't find fault in Him and Herod couldn't kill Him. The world couldn't shake Him and the grave couldn't hold Him. That's my God. Do you trust Him. Then claim that victory brother. It is already yours. We and this world will fail you but Je never will. He is imperially powerful. He is a healer and a helper. He is and always will be just and righteous. His phone is never busy. You have a direct line brother. Use it and I will too. Lets pray it out


Edited by Country (10/26/12 02:01 AM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#414343 - 10/26/12 09:27 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I am looking up! This is the enemy fighting me hard and trying to convince me I can never be free and healed. I'm already free! I will be healed, and then I will be a hunter too. I learned last week that the depth of my past is only an indication of the height of my future, so I'll learn how to fight evil too. God will show me how to sort this stuff out, and how to deal with so much of what I don't understand about how life is supposed to work. I need a job to get back to school, and He will lead me there too if that is where he wants me to be. My counselor in HS said I was not smart enough to go to college, and she was wrong.

It's like this is a train wreck and my learning and finding a normal life are all in a pile on the side of broken tracks. But, God can fix the tracks, put the train back on and make it into a better train, and lead me to a place where I know what normal is and to where he wants me to be.

I will also find a way to help the little kid inside sleep in His hand. I don't even know how old I am inside, but he can fix that too. Lincoln is my favorite President. He said once: "Many times I have been driven on my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. That all about me seemed insufficient for the day". I'm there, and He will show me how to keep moving forward. I am, and I will be, so much more through Him then anyone ever expected I could be.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#424682 - 02/08/13 09:11 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
My lady T gently pushed me to trying a guy T and I was hesitant at first, but I trust her so I reached out. I am working with him now and he is awesome, also a Christian counselor. My focus now in on trying to see me as God sees me, which is hard somedays as I am still human and still confused inside about things. Someone here asked me what I think sex is. To me it is something you do for someone else. The word intimacy scares me because it's supposed to mean a shared relationship, but I don't understand how to do that, I only know how to provide and do what I'm told to do, so I struggle with the idea. My new counselor uses a process called Theophostic ministry and I like this approach. It's like we focus on something and ask God to take us there and show us what was happening, where feelings we have today started with events, and we look hard at memories. I know of some events, and that I learned to dissociate. With the ones I know about more details are filling in and that hurts, as I don't want to see any more details. I told my T I think we have to look at them to stomp them, so I'm trying. One image came to my mind several times during our first Theophostic process this week. That was the face of a lion. I think it was Aslan from the Narnia stories who is really the Lion of Judah. Seeing the Lion there with all that other stuff shows me God was there and is here. I know He can fix anything so I will try to climb up on the Lion's back and let Him take me where He wants me to go. I don't want to see any more memories or find new triggers, but if the Lion says I have to I will. Better to follow His direction then the direction I got growing up from the enemy who whispers nothing but lies that I won't believe anymore.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#424763 - 02/09/13 02:32 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 842
Loc: Kc,Mo
man well said
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#424771 - 02/09/13 06:21 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3379
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Buffalo -

this sounds really good!
what does "Theophostic process" mean?

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#424785 - 02/09/13 10:06 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Theophostic is a prayer focused T process. You let God take you to the source of your pain and feelings from today, back to where that idea was planted in you. It is not easy, but several times while sitting there with my eyes closed, crying and looking at events, the face of the Lion appeared to me. It is a Spirit led process and He has told me there is one more event further back I have to face for now. I know some places on the net say the process is not a true Christian approach, but I know it is working for me. I do not believe the Spirit would lead me to a process now that is false, so I am moving forward. I don't want to see this last event, and / or how many others there may be but if that is where I am led I must go there. We are not alone in this.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#426300 - 02/24/13 09:38 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
One thing I have noticed around the site is that some forms of "hate speak" are considered ok, or at least it feels that way. I do not preach in the chat room for example. If I am asked if I'm a person of faith, I will proudly say yes I am. The other day, a member told me I have mental problems because I support an organization (the church) which supports and practices child abuse. In one broad brush stoke, he labeled all people of faith as predators. At least I can say others challenged him on that along with me. Yet the fact is he felt comfortable attacking my faith in God. So much for the open mindedness of the secular progressive world.

I know where I was, I know where I am now, and I know who got me this far. Yet, some people here openly slam Christians or others, and when called out on it they respond with a comment such as "you need to be more open minded". Who is not being open minded in this? Attacks here on people of faith or those of one political side or another should not take place. I do not believe we can justify bad behavior by pointing to the bad behavior of others. As survivors, or supporters of survivors, we have had enough labels placed on us already along with the hurt that comes with it.

I know people were hurt in churches by predators. I also know Jesus was hurt by people in His church too. The actions of men (or women) in the natural are not always the actions of God. God did not sit by silently when my abuse happened, but the natural world in which we live is a world of free will. That is how He has ordained it whether we understand this or not. I know this too, God has already taken what was meant for my harm and has turned it toward my good. I am moving forward, I am starting to speak out and through his grace, and the hunted will become the hunter.

People want to point at believers and cry homophobic!! These same people will descend on Chick-fil-A for a national "kiss-in" day to make a point. A point about what? If someone doesn't like that this company's CEO is a person of faith...take your business elsewhere or start your own. The girl who came under attack by the angry customer in a youtube video that went viral showed great kindness in the face of meanness. It is sad how people can organize a national kiss-in day, yet there is no national movement to protest NAMBLA, or the numerous web sites that offer pornography of what they represent as "barely legal boys".

There are certainly people in churches who point to others (homosexuals, divorcees, ex-convicts or whatever) and say your sin is worse then mine. That is wrong and I don't like seeing it happen. These people are not following scripture in that approach, and I will not go down that road. Who ever wants to assume Christians are supposed to be perfect need to understand only one perfect person ever walked this earth in our faith, and that was Christ. My job is to glorify him in my behavior towards others, so I will not launch personal attacks on anyone. I may ask questions, I will defend myself when attacked, and hope those who want to see me as a mental case because I have faith will somehow look beyond their own stereotypes and see who I really am.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#426316 - 02/24/13 02:09 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 842
Loc: Kc,Mo
Amen Brother hit the nail on the head again
It is embarrassing that people would stand out with signs saying God hates F### or any such thing because this is not the love of Christ . Not to mention if someone has a bad experience with church or Christians than they just chalk it up as lumping everyone together . Or even just giving up on it all together because they had a bad experience when people have a bad sexual experiences do they give up?

It is irrational thinking really hell people even keep going back to people that continually hurt them or stab them in the back , do they give up on the relationship or give up on friendships that are not that healthy for themselves ? No

But because Christianity deals with the one thing most people do not want to deal with and that is sin than they find all kinds of reasons to try to discredit Christ or discredit the word of God instead of finding reasons to seek Christ or the word of God . There are plenty of reasons to pursue Christ but people want to be their own God they want to be " in control " but in control of nothing really.

The people that do not understand are usually the people who have not experienced Christ for themselves they are not trying to seek Thus sayeth the Lord for themselves . The Holy Spirit is intelligent it will lead and guide you into the knowledge of truth NOT MAN . Every man is not going to get it right and doctrine has really thrown everything off course a bunch of mans puffed up ideas trying to be preached as fact .

Doctrine is people getting together and picking and choosing how THEY believe this or that . People really need to just dig into the word of God for themselves and allow the Holy Spirit to lead them and guide them .
The spirit is intelligent the word of God is going to speak to each person right where they are in their life. A certain scripture is going to mean more to me in one way than it might mean to you because it is going to speak to you in a different way and lead you in a different direction because that is what you need at that particular time in your life , and it will lead me and work for me in a different way at that particular time in my life . This is the beauty of the word of God is going speak to you where you are .

The word is going to come alive in the area you need it to most When Allowed.
There are some things that are not going to make any sense to you one day and than all of a sudden maybe even 2 yrs later make complete and utter sense because you are ready to see it you are ready to receive it . I hope I am making sense

The moral of all this is that people who have been offended in one way or another with Christianity or God will continually find ways to believe in other things even if it hurts them but yet when it comes to God they want to only find ways not to believe.
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#426399 - 02/25/13 09:35 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1125
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
I agree with your points Buffalo. Thank you for having the courage to post this.
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

Top
#426544 - 02/26/13 09:39 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks Ntsaved and Jim. One of the good things I learned growing up was to respect other's beliefs and I try to. But, I have had my fill of labels from predators or people in general who think it's ok to treat me bad because I have faith, and because some groups think it's ok to dump on "those people" because they need to know how it feels to be marginalized. I know how that feels, learned that from CSA, and the other abuse. So my faith, it works for me, and I will not turn my back on the One who rescued me.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#439901 - 07/03/13 10:57 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I am still challenged, but still moving forward. For a while I've been stalled out and am learning that sometimes I have to revisit things with my T even though I thought I was done with it. I'll do that, and every day strengthen my Armor of God. I also learned that my freedom in Christ was instant, but my growth in a real relationship with Him is a life long process and I do not have to worry if I "get" everything instantly. Right now, reading a book called Victory Over the Darkness, and that is helping me to understand not only who I am, but whose I am too.

Some want to attack me or others of faith saying we are not smart enough to understand our own scripture. They say we need it explained by someone who, while they don't share our faith or believe in God, is still more "enlightened" then believers are. The enemy knows scripture very well, and knows how to twist it too and confuse the minds of believers.

I learned recently that no one has all the answers, and that is why we are called to join with other believers to grow our faith, and expand our understanding of scripture. I'll readily admit, I don't understand it all and I may even be wrong in my own understanding of scripture, but I am learning. I will, however, grow a deeper understanding from talking to others of faith and reading scripture daily. That is where I'll get my enlightenment, iron sharpens iron. The fact is, the enemy hates where I am at because I no longer believe the lies that I am beyond God's love, or that I am unforgivable.

I may be down, but I am not done and all of the forces of darkness can not stop what God has ordained. It's that simple.

“Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed!" Rev. 5:5. NIV Student Bible
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#439932 - 07/03/13 04:50 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
just by reading the bible every day, and using the techniques described therein, i have made more progress in my recovery and healing in the last 2 years than i did in the previous 35 years of therapy and drugs.

that is all i need to know.

i try my best to be the best person i can be by following the 10 commandments of the old testament and the 2 commandments of the new testament.

this has only had positive results.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2551#Post432551

if people don't want to get better and want to avoid, attack, or ridicule those that do, then they are trapped in their own abuse, as i was.

the truth will set you free.
freedom is a state of mind.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#445148 - 08/22/13 06:06 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I am finding that sometimes when I read something in scripture, what I get from it is entirely new each time. I like that, it helps me process all the stuff bubbling to the surface. I asked the Spirit if I could just skip looking at this latest thing, it's creepy and it hurts a lot...so let's just forget it. He asked me back: How well did ignoring it work out before? Told me to remember He is with me in this, and trying very hard to do that.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#446587 - 09/06/13 08:07 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Did that, faced a big thing, big for me anyway. Used in a porn movie as a kid. Only once that I know of and compared to some here who got used in many, I was lucky. My T told me when I started it is not a competition but I still know I'm lucky it was only one.

So now, I can't think of how it could get worse then that or what comes next. It sure does not hit me like it did before I walked through it in T and yeah, the Spirit was there with me.

Now I'm wondering, who or what am I? I am not who I was before. I was never what they told me I was, just good for "that" and nothing more. Was not what I heard at home, sometimes stuff like stupid lazy little bastard, go away and cry so I don't have to see you. But what now? I want so much to move on and work a real job, feel like I have a place in this world, in the normal world. Then again, everyone describes "normal" as different, so I don't even know what normal is for life. Maybe really it's just an illusion on the outside and different for everyone on the inside.

School would be great if I could get back but no way to pay for that, not now anyway.

I survive, and I am a SURVIVOR. What next God? I am hyper a lot, but will try to listen quietly for the answer. His answers come in His time, but He has gotten me this far, and the shadows no longer walk in my dreams.


Edited by BuffaloCO (09/06/13 10:42 PM)
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#446630 - 09/07/13 02:16 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3379
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
His answers come in His time, but He has gotten me this far, and the shadows no longer walk in my dreams.


this is priceless, Buffalo!
believing it for you - and me - and so many others.
thank you,
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#457237 - 12/22/13 03:25 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
On January 7th I will testify about my abuse and T before a group of about 160 guys at my church. I'm stepping out in a big way for the first time. I feel ready for this, a start in speaking in public. I already know several men in that group are still trapped in silence, so I'll speak for them and hope too that if anyone sees signs of abuse in any kid, they'll look into it. The only way for survivors to break the silence around boys and abuse is for some of us to speak out. God rescued me for a reason, many reasons, but this is one of them. I'm learning to deal with attacks on me too because of my faith, as I know THAT is what has brought me out of the darkness.

People want to hate us for believing in scripture, they can, it's not going to change who I am. It certainly won't change whose I am either. So moving forward! Prayers appreciated.

http://www.wrensworld.com/romairishbless.htm


Edited by BuffaloCO (12/22/13 04:08 PM)
Edit Reason: added poem
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#457241 - 12/22/13 05:43 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
my thoughts and prayers go with you.
if you allow god's will to manifest through you,
much good can be accomplished.
i am hoping for the same thing in my life.

from mark 13

“You must be on your guard. You will be handed over to the local councils and flogged in the synagogues. On account of me you will stand before governors and kings as witnesses to them.
And the gospel must first be preached to all nations.
Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit."

from Matthew 5

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled."
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

from matthew 10

"As you enter the home, give it your greeting.
If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet."

“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues.
On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles.
But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it.
At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."


that's a promise.
either it is true or not.
my experience is the experiment.
the proof is in the product.
the truth is in the consequences.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#458120 - 01/06/14 06:43 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Tomorrow I will be speaking in public about me, CSA and where I am now. I'll be speaking to two mens groups at my church, about 200 people maybe. I think I'm ready. I've written out what I'm going to say and practiced a lot.

When my counselor first met me, she suggested I pray to the Holy Spirit about her process. I did and I told him that if He promised this time it would work, as everything else had failed that I tried, then I promised to cooperate with the counselor and go where He leads me.

I believe now that He wants me to speak out, to help others, so I am. I'm nervous, but a promise is a promise. Prayers welcome.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#458129 - 01/06/14 09:13 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
i wish you all the best.
my prayers go with you.

god's will be done.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#458244 - 01/08/14 03:22 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
What an amazing day yesterday. I spoke to about 225 guys. They really supported me and took the message well, and my pastor said I did a good job even though I teared up a few times, stumbled over words here and there. I don't think this will be the last time, but it's one awesome beginning. Thanks for all of the support!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#458246 - 01/08/14 03:25 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
congratulations!
sounds like it was a positive experience for you,
which is what matters most.

i am glad it was a success!
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#458253 - 01/08/14 04:49 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 842
Loc: Kc,Mo
Congrats my brother. I have spoke to the entire congregation and in men's breakfast about my abuse . I have spoken in front of a gymnasium full of people at a prison about my abuse and where God has brought me and continues to use me. It is an awesome thing man. So proud of you for stepping out in faith and realizing this is bigger than just you.
This walk when God has restored you to a place that he can use you to help build the kingdom of God is truly a remarkable thing.

God has been pulling on my heart to do more public speaking as of this past week. And seeing this post just reinforces everything he has been speaking to me. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your growth brother it is encouraging. I am so happy for you and I know God is using you to help set the captives free. Congratulations my brother in Christ
May you be greatly blessed
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#458279 - 01/08/14 11:22 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks guys for all of the support. smile Blessings back!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#459887 - 02/01/14 03:38 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
i find strength from these words.
i wish to share them with you.


2 Corinthians 10

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal,
but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds)
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God,
and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

For we walking in the flesh, fight not after the flesh.
For the arms of our knighthood be not fleshly,
but mighty by God to the destruction of strengths.
And we destroy counsels, and all highness that higheth itself against the science of God,
and drive into captivity all understanding into the service of Christ.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.
On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Aunque andamos en la carne, no militamos según la carne,
porque las armas de nuestra milicia no son carnales,
sino poderosas en Dios para la destrucción de fortalezas,
derribando argumentos y toda altivez que se levanta contra el conocimiento de Dios,
y llevando cautivo todo pensamiento a la obediencia a Cristo.

Sans doute, nous sommes des hommes et nous vivons comme tels,
mais nous ne menons pas notre combat d'une manière purement humaine.
Car les armes avec lesquelles nous combattons ne sont pas simplement humaines;
elles tiennent leur puissance de Dieu qui les rend capables de renverser des forteresses.
Oui, nous renversons les faux raisonnements
ainsi que tout ce qui se dresse prétentieusement contre la connaissance de Dieu,
et nous faisons prisonnière toute pensée pour l'amener à obéir au Christ.

Denn ob wir wohl im Fleisch wandeln,
so streiten wir doch nicht fleischlicherweise.
Denn die Waffen unsrer Ritterschaft sind nicht fleischlich,
sondern mächtig vor Gott, zu zerstören Befestigungen;
wir zerstören damit die Anschläge und alle Höhe,
die sich erhebt wider die Erkenntnis Gottes,
und nehmen gefangen alle Vernunft unter den Gehorsam Christi.

For though walking in basar, we war not according to the basar,
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the basar,
but full of ko’ach through Hashem to the overthrowing of strongholds, reasonings,
And every high minded thing rising up against the da’as of Hashem,
and leading captive every machshavah into the mishma’at of Rebbe, Melech HaMoshiach




The world is unprincipled. The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#460073 - 02/03/14 06:00 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Now I'm thinking, it may be time to leave the site for a while. I'm hoping to get a job soon and need to reconnect with my T once I can pay for it. Not permanently, but I hang out here to much I think. There has to be more out there. Thoughts?
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#460088 - 02/04/14 12:41 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
dear buffaloco

i go away for days, weeks, and even months.
sometimes i get busy, sometimes i get bored.
i think it is healthy to get out of the house and get involved with other things.
the site has been there for me for over ten years,
and i don't think it is going to disappear while you are off-line.

at first, i used to come because i needed to read.
now that i feel safe and happy, i am here to share some of my survival skills with other brothers.

it is actually good that you feel strong enough to get away for a while.

ms.org will be here if you need to come back.




_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#460162 - 02/05/14 09:30 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Ten years, wow. I just want this part of my life to be over for good and to move on to a real life, get a degree that I can use, then a career, normal stuff. Someone told me to figure that T will take like 15 years. That idea I just don't want to even think about.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#460170 - 02/05/14 11:39 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
i find the only way enjoy life is to live it.
whenever i see a window of opportunity, i dive right through it.
whenever opportunity knocks, i open the door.

i never stopped living, all through these ups and downs.
ms.org has been there for me for the last ten years of this journey, but the recovery started the day that i decided to get real and honest with myself.
that was the day i drowned and didn't die.
that was in 1988.

every moment since then has been a gift from god.
it has gotten better, bit by bit, every second, every breath, every prayer, since then.

what i learned that day...
life is still beautiful.
life still has meaning and purpose.
i am not what happens to me.
i am not what i do.

for better of worse, bad or good,
all that occurs is adventure.
don't hate it, appreciate it!

i am worthy.
i am real.
i exist, now!
death will come soon enough,
so i cannot waste a single day.
i must use this time i have left.
don't worry, be happy.

yes, it truly is as simple as that.

i try to teach others this,
hopefully they can learn to love life (like i do)
without going through the agony of losing it first (like i did).
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#460186 - 02/05/14 03:31 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I'm just a little down atm, but I am not done. I have to retreat to me post from a while back: if I give up they win, and I won't let that happen. There just has to be more to life then this part of me, but I have not yet found it is all.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#460231 - 02/06/14 06:12 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Things are turning, finally! I got a job. It's for a year and could become permanent. It's a start, and I will no longer spend most of my day alone. Praise God!
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#460232 - 02/06/14 06:34 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
Hooray!

That warms my heart.
Congratulations.
I was praying for you.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#460715 - 02/14/14 10:22 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
One of my favorite Christian Rock songs by Tenth Avenue North is called "Loosing" and here are the lyrics.

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong
Don't they know it's wrong
Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love or this is hate.
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love or this is hate.
We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

Why do we think that our hate's gonna break a hard heart
We're rippin' arms over wars that don't need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it's just to burn them down
We think painful apologies and then it will stop
Truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

[X2]
Oh Father won't you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losing

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5J7vis9GV8

Some people will never get this song. They feel entitled to make broad bush sweeps of hate as an entitlement for perceived wrongs from a whole group. Funny thing is, they are doing exactly what they accuse others of doing. For people who tell me "I got hurt by church people so all church people are bad" I have one answer. Jesus was hurt badly by church people too.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#460742 - 02/14/14 05:37 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
amen, buffaloCo.

i really began living,
when i started forgiving.
it was THE pivotal point in my recovery.
disclosure was only the beginning of honesty.
breaking the silence did not end the violence.

to lose the guilt and hate and fear and pain and blame and shame,
to jehovah, i pray for patience, peace and power in jesus' name.
i received strength for the struggle,
bravery for the battle,
faith for the fight,
courage for the combat,
wisdom for the war.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#460748 - 02/14/14 07:01 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks Victor,

I like these lines the best. Means more then anything our freedom does not rely on anything they do or don't do.

We think painful apologies and then it will stop.
Truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not.
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!

Am glad 2 I can keep in touch with people in this discussion. I can't do the arguments any more in the other items, much as I want to, and for now feels safe here at least 2 trade thoughts.

Tuesday, I get to start the new job, so won't be around as much but it's a blessing! Thanks for all of the kind thoughts and prayers everyone.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#460751 - 02/14/14 10:42 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#460752 - 02/14/14 10:45 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Thanks Victor,

Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!


amen to that.

speaking of FREEDOM:

Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31

I will always obey your law,
for ever and ever.
I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts.

Psalm 119:44

For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice,
but by the will of the one who subjected it,
in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay
and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

Romans 8:20

Now the Lord is the Spirit,
and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial.
“I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.

1 Corinthians 10:23

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free.
But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh;
rather, serve one another humbly in love.

Galatians 5:13


good-bye, god bless, and good luck on your new job.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#461135 - 02/19/14 10:15 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Wow, 2 days on the new job and I discovered something awesome. They like me, for me, who I am for real now. Last night at church fellowship group, a friend told me it's because my freedom created a new me, confident now in Christ and not afraid of that people are out to just use me like before. Doesn't mean I see myself as perfect, no way, because I still make mistakes in trying to deal with people. Am still a work in progress but there is progress.

Now though, people either like me or don't like me for the person I really am inside, and I hope they can see the person I am trying to become too. smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#461144 - 02/19/14 11:26 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Am still a work in progress but there is progress.

Now though, people either like me or don't like me for the person I really am inside, and I hope they can see the person I am trying to become too. smile


this is beautiful and meaningful to me.
thanks for the update and some good news.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#462486 - 03/12/14 09:56 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks for all your good words too Victor. Things have gotten weird but I think it's just the enemy trying new tricks. I like the job and they like me too, but I think I thought that getting a job would solve all of my problems inside. Found out that's not true, welcome to the real world.

So now, new stuff coming up, yuck, and the enemy is telling me I'm just a one track CD, no other songs there, all about my story and nothing more. When I hear that, I have to remind myself I'm a lot more. Yeah my story is part of who I am, can't change that. Yeah, I've testified and will do it again too. Yeah I still have work to do. All true, but my pastor said we have to play the hand we're dealt. It's what we do with it from this point forward that matters.

I know too that I have gifts they could not take like I can write, my new employer likes me, people at church like me, I'm good at speaking in public and customer service, and I'm safe in all of those places I hang out now. So the new challenges have me kind of down, but even though I'm down I'm not done. Just have to remember where I was and where I am now. There, that worked too smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#462487 - 03/12/14 11:26 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Even though I'm down I'm not done. Just have to remember where I was and where I am now. There, that worked too smile


works for me too.
great words.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#464088 - 04/14/14 08:40 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
This is what I posted in my intro, but I added something at the end too.

Time to Leave

This is not my last post, but this is a major update for me. I have done everything I can here and it’s time now for me to log off line, and log into real life. I came here almost two years ago broken, scared and totally not knowing what to do next. Back then I just saw me is the left over shell of something used and tossed aside. I don’t anymore. Since that time I started again with a good counselor but had to stop because I ran out of money. Now that I finally got a job, I can get back. I still have stuff to work on, face and get through but I can do that now. Since being here I’ve pushed through a lot as you can tell reading this thread. I faced down memories I didn’t want to deal with but as my T said, face them to stomp them! We did. I’ve broken some addictions and they won’t come back. I don’t have nightmares anymore and I’m learning to deal with flashbacks. Mostly, I feel like I can finally finish growing up inside now.

Some people here have helped me a lot, some have challenged me, some people here don’t’ like me but I know now it doesn’t matter if people like me or not, I like me now and so do many other people. I’m glad for it all, and I don’t leave with bad feelings toward anyone. If I offended you, I’m sorry and I hope you can accept that.

I am not who I was when I came here and I’ve accepted what happened. For me now, abuse is something I went through but it does not define who I am. Actually, I learned it never did define me, not once not ever. Believing that growing up was just buying into another lie of the predators, and they have no hold on who I see myself as now.

So thank you to my friends here, those who have helped me a lot. For those who might still be angry at me, I’m sorry that my own struggle to find healing didn’t always come out in the best way. We are still human. All I can say is that we have different stories but shared hurts. So I will try to learn from my mistakes and try not to make the same ones again. I know my path to healing through my faith also bothers some people because so-called believers hurt them, and I totally understand that too. There are different paths to healing, and this one works for me. If anyone wants to know more about that side of me I tried to keep it to my thread in the Spirituality section in my post called Finding Strength through Faith. I know others have found healing other ways and I accept that but I don’t apologize for my path either.

I’ll check in once in a while and maybe post an update or two. I don’t know how often but again I want to thank people here who helped me get to where I am now. I feel safe, new and growing again. All of that is something I’m still getting used to, but I will keep going. My hope for everyone here is that they can find the same things, and that someday this site won’t be needed anymore. I have even spoken in public now about what happened to me, as it’s my way of trying to get people to understand that yeah it does happen to boys, it is not good, and it is not something we can just ignore any longer. Anyway, I really appreciate what people have done for me here. I started this by saying I was trying to start. I did that, now it’s time for me to take the next big step and move forward to whatever comes next in real life.

For my friends here I add this scripture. Psalm 91, 14 – 16: 14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
#464115 - 04/15/14 10:58 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
this all sounds very positive.
glad to hear you are feeling better.
always happy to hear good news.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#467296 - 07/06/14 12:25 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
Tim07 Offline


Registered: 07/01/14
Posts: 11
I love the song brother smile amen

Top
#468003 - 07/26/14 11:53 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I keep finding new songs that are not actually new, except when you get new eyes to see them, and new ears for listening too. I love this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwjTT2bqKk0


Edited by BuffaloCO (07/26/14 12:00 PM)
Edit Reason: added words
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

Top
Page 1 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.