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#409670 - 09/10/12 07:57 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
This is really great news, Lee, well done! Peter was commissioned to the ministry to reach out to people of all backgrounds and faiths, to bring them the message of God's Kingdom. I absolutely bow to the authority of Peter's God. Well, that and I can't float a sheet, am not that great of a cook, and don't care for roof tops wink lol.

Please keep processing this, letting us know how you are able to be consistent and even progress in this line of thinking. I am very proud of your ability to listen to Our Heavenly Father and have His Word make such healing inroads into your life.

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#409671 - 09/10/12 08:51 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
I think this is a good lesson for all of us, but especially myself. I struggle with these feelings all the time as well.

Thanks for sharing your journey with me.

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#409676 - 09/10/12 09:16 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Lee,
This is really what is letting me know that all things happen for the glory of God. This is from the devotional part on my daily Bible reading from my churches free app on the one year Bible. You shared your story then I read this. Wow.


The enemy's primary weapon is fear. When disaster loomed on the horizon, Ahaz was overcome by fear, but the bold word from the Lord enabled him to remain calm, relaxed, and confident.

Paul said, "Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you!" (Hebrews 10:35). And that reward is a "faith that assures our salvation"

(v. 39).

When the battle seems overwhelming, what choice do you have but to stand firm? If you turn and run from the enemy, you will not stand at all. Burn the retreat bridge! Your only option is to stand-and when you do, God will fight for you!
Larry Stockstill
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#409683 - 09/10/12 10:14 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
expom Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 124
Loc: Australia
Hi Lee,

Despite having been brought up in a Christian home I continue to battle with the things you describe.

When I look round church and compare myself with where I imagine everyone else to be I do not measure up - to my imagination of the spirituality of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I feel unworthy - unworthy of the Promises of God; unworthy of the Salvation of Christ by His shedding of blood on the cross. I feel that God's salvation was never really meant for me - I kind of got in on the act because I found out about it but it feels as if I snuck in rather than being "called" or "chosen".

I've struggled for years about the issue of my Loving Heavenly Father permitting me to be violated as a boy. I've gotten angry at Him for Psalm 139's verse 16 "Every day of your life was written before a single one of them came to pass".

I feel that there is little point in me praying because one word from me and God is going to carry on doing as He pleases - who am I to influence Him?

Yet in all of this God has come to me on many occasions like you describe and here is where I am at now:

Yes I am unworthy of God's salvation = Just like every body else on the planet. Isaiah 53 v 6 etc tells us that we are all in the same boat. But it is God's choice to love us and also (and this is a tough one) to like us. His choice.

When I compare myself with others, I do both myself and them a disservice. I am with me 24/7 and am convinced of my own faults. I am with the others only for a couple of hours each week when they are at their best. I am not comparing apples with apples. God also had a good laugh with me because He pointed out that those exact same people felt exactly the same about themselves in comparison with me ie they felt like crap because they saw me as so holy. I still smile at the irony.

God showed me His intention of Psalm 139. His intended perfect plan for my life. The fact is that my life does not match His perfect plan for the simple reason of free will.

I struggled with free will for a while but I'll explain where I am up to with it.

If God is God, and is who He says He is, then He created humans with the intention of permitting us to be able to choose whether or not we wanted to worship Him, obey and follow Him. He had created angels who were made to do these things without choice - no free will. To me its a bit like the love we get from a puppy verses the love we get from a girlfriend. In order for me to be free to choose to love God, I must also be free to not love Him. By definition then, the man who violated me while I was a boy, was exercising his free will to do me harm - wrenching my life away from God's perfect plan for each day.

The psalmist implies that there might be a chance to read how our lives were planned out rather than how they actually turned out.

I am learning that my heavenly Father is nothing like my earthly father: He really does want to spend time with me; He really is interested in my day; how I spend it; how I react to it etc. I'm still struggling with the asking for things bit of prayer but while I live I will continue to pray for my kids' safety, for their eternal salvation, that they will settle down with partners who feel comfortable spending time with them in prayer and reading the bible.

So, my friend, when satan accuses you of being unworthy of God's love; he's right but as others have pointed out; when God Himself tells us that we ARE worthy because of what Jesus did for us on the cross, then who is it that is going to be able to win the argument over God?

Lee, I take comfort in the fact that you already know the voice of God: you hear it; you recognise it for who it is; you obey it.

The gospels tell us to 'give to him who asks'. When you followed the direction of your pastor, that showed obedience, humility, courage, maturity - in short; a good example.

I trust you don't have too many objections to my interpretation of where you might be at and am sorry if I am projecting too much of myself into your situation.

bless you, my friend.

ADen
_________________________
I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.

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#409882 - 09/12/12 02:47 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Thanks again, guys,

i still can hardly believe this happened to me. but i guess that is the point. it is breaking down my disbelief and helping me to believe.

Scott - great to touch base with you again!
Country & Sam - you are both such encouragers!
ADen - no objections at all - everything you said was either spot-on for me now or has been true at some time in my past. thanks so much for taking the time to share.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#409905 - 09/12/12 09:29 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
We are all here to help each other and as Christians to hold up out fellow man at times. You helped me as well Lee.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#409906 - 09/12/12 09:30 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Fire can not burn where a fire has already burned. The forestry commission does controlled burns to prevent the spread of forest fires. Same can be said for our salvation. That battle has already been won. We have to stand at the cross where the fire has already been burned and thru our salvation we are safe from the fire. We are safe from the evil ways of satan. 
"Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from Gods wrath thru Him. " Romans 5:9
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409907 - 09/12/12 09:31 AM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
: Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe
-John 20:29
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410072 - 09/13/12 10:14 PM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Last night i went to the men's group that i unsually attend. the pastor who leads it was out of town so we had a different format - not as much teaching/Bible study - and more sharing.

i felt i was supposed to tell my story - starting with the first post in this thread and ending with last Sunday's big message X3 from God. i really didn't want to because i din't want to go into all the reasons for my feelings of shame, worthlessness and unworthiness. but there was a bigger group last night than ever before. and one guy had brought 4 street boys in their upper teens that he has been mentoring. there were 3 other young guys - maybe 20 yrs old. that made it harder for me to talk - but i felt more compelled to speak, too. maybe the things i was meant to say would make a difference in somebody's life - especially a young kid who might avoid all the wasted years that i have had.

so i did it. i didn't go into all the nasty details - but did say that my step-father was abusive and beat me and made me feel worthless and rejected and that in middle school older and bigger boys had bullied me and done terrible things that made me feel shamed and damaged and dirty. that was enough. i didn't break down but i did choke up and tear up a couple times. but i got through it and encouraged everyone there to believe that God will accept them if they come to him and has accepted them if the have already given their lives to him - and not to believe the lies to the contrary like i did.

i was about the 3rd to share. after that everyone there said something - even those who were there for the 1st time. the man leading was really surprised and told me later that he thought the honesty of my story caused others to be more open. during the sharing, at least 3 others said something about either being treated badly by a father or being affected by the loss of a father or something related to what i'd said. one was a college student, one a young father, and a man in his 60s said his father was verbally abusive and he never heard his father say he loved him till he was 45 and the dad was in his 60s. one of the guys said he had been a bully and God had changed him. afterwards, one of the street boys talked to me for a long time about his situation - fatherless, 12 kids, bullied, etc.

it was definitely worth taking the chance and doing what i was led to do. it is both humbling and building my sense of worth to see God using these experiences to help others.

Lee


Edited by traveler (09/13/12 10:17 PM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#410075 - 09/13/12 10:51 PM Re: don't know [Re: traveler]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
The best way to receive blessings from God is to bless others they Him. Way to go bro
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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