I had a bit of a setback today that I'm struggling with. I went to my 1st T session since reporting my abuser, but my T found out that in our state, he cannot report without my signed consent. I signed the consent form and we called the state where the abuse happened. It happened when I was 17, but it turns out that the age of consent there is 16. When talking to the detective, he asked me if it was forced or consensual, and I had to say it was consensual, which is really, really bothering me. Yes, I agreed to it at the time, but that doesn't take into account the years of grooming that went on to get to that point. I'm feeling really disgusting and having to say out loud that it was consensual is stirring up a lot of the feelings of blame and guilt that I was experiencing before therapy. I still know that what the priest did was wrong, but I'm feeling like my mind regressed a lot tonight, which is incredibly frustrating.
Here's the bright side: There's a chance that even though I was above the age of consent, since he was a priest, he might fall under the "counselor/mentor" law which basically says that no matter what the age, he violated my trust and broke the law because of the power difference. It will be a hard thing to prove, and in order to do so, I'll have to go back to my home state to make a verbal statement at the police department, which is intimidating as hell. I'm going to look into legal help to see if there are any other ways, but its feeling like a huge setback to think that I had reported my abuser and come to find out that not only could the report not be made, but I am going to have to be way more involved than I had hoped to be.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin