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#408294 - 08/29/12 10:21 AM Where Was God?
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1467
Loc: New England
Where was God
That drunken night
When I was conceived
The exchange of body fluids that were to become me

Where was God for that little boy
eating dinner alone
putting himself to bed
because his parents were too drunk

Where was God
the first time I got drunk
My parents gave me
A Vodka-Collins
I was ten

Where was God
when the man down the street
drugged me
forced himself into my mouth
and used me like a bar-room slut

Now Step 3 says
"Turn you life and your will
over to God as you understand Him"

What?!? Put myself in his hands again?
He was too busy to care
about this little piece of trash
Stood by and watched a boy
crushed and alone
slowly destroying himself

And no one can answer for me
Where was God?
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#408310 - 08/29/12 12:46 PM Re: Where Was God? [Re: Jude]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6358
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
A fully crushing poem. It plugs me into the pain that a little guy ought never have known. I am so sorry!
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

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#408340 - 08/29/12 07:09 PM " [Re: Jude]
lbcali1978 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 217
"


Edited by lbcali1978 (04/28/13 11:31 PM)

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#408406 - 08/30/12 08:22 AM Re: Where Was God? [Re: Jude]
bla Offline


Registered: 04/25/10
Posts: 89
Loc: Northern Ireland
I share your pain,I share your anger and I most of all share your not knowing.
When I was nine and being abused by the christian Brothers I asked that same questions,"Where was God,when I needed him most","Where was he,when these so-called men of God,hammered six-inch nails into the back of my hand while they were rapeing me,and saying,"now feel the pain that Jesus went though because of sinners like you","Where was God,when they rammed a crucifix up my back passage,and they said,"You've just been F***** by jesus and laughing when they did that".
Indeed,"Where was God,when I told my Mother about what happened,and she stood by her church and beieved their lies and told me never to speak of ,what she called,"MY SHAME".
At that age I also asked time and time again,"God,"Where are you,"Come down from heaven and destroy they evil people".But it never happened.
Many,many years later,I found out about God's real love and found that God does not interfere in the actions of what we do,He gives us fee will to choose between good and evil,But when we come face to face with him,We will all be judged on our actions and our deeds.
Hope this brings you some comfort.
BLA.
_________________________
May,life,light and love be ever with you.

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#408484 - 08/30/12 10:19 PM Re: Where Was God? [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1467
Loc: New England
When god gave my abuser a free will to molest me, he should've given me a sharp knife to cut his nuts off. What you went through Bla, what I went through, was coming face to face with evil. I just can't reconcile that evil befalling us as children, with the notion that God loves me. Its too much for me to grasp.


Edited by Garydosh (08/30/12 10:27 PM)
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

Top


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