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#408020 - 08/26/12 06:43 PM Sexual Tension
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 170
Loc: Ohio
I have sexual tension towards practically everyone and it's frustrating. Even if I'm not necessarily attracted to them, and even with my family. I feel just gross whenever I feel sexual tension towards my family, and had I never been a victim of incest, I'd never have these feelings, it's just not normal. I feel it towards my dad, my mom, my sister, my brother, my cousins, I wish the feelings would go away. I visited my sister last week and it was awkward for me, I ended up blushing and having thoughts that shouldn't even cross my mind. And then my brother, he's always walking around with no shirt, and that's just extremely awkward, and I end up blushing sometimes. And then I wonder if other people will think I'm attracted to my own family. It's like there's no boundaries. I shouldn't feel anything sexual towards my family, but I do. Thoughts cross my mind and I'm just like ew no, go away. I hate it. I don't really know how to describe it, but I just feel gross and fucked up.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#408050 - 08/27/12 12:08 AM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey CloudyFalls

I feel the same way. I seem to be attracted to everyone I meet, but I also seem to convince myself that they are attracted to me, too. Sometimes I feel like I need them to be attracted to me and will purposely wear clothes that show a bulge and showing off what little muscle I have. I think it comes from being treated like a sexual object most of my life and that is the way I relate to people. I think everything is about sex but it is not.

We were designed to be senual beings and it is ok to have feelings of attraction to other people - it is just what we do with it that matters. I think we look at things through our CSA lenses and read too much into situations.

Take it easy on yourself and try not to get caught up in these feelings and make too much of it.
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More than meets the eye!

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#408051 - 08/27/12 12:13 AM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Don't feel that way. You even said if it weren't for the incest that you wouldn't have this tension. I am an incest survivor also. You have never acted out on these tensions so you should be commended for being able to realize that this is not right and know that it was thoughts put there by your abuser.


Edited by Country (08/27/12 01:17 AM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#408052 - 08/27/12 12:39 AM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Ok I just re read what I posted and I guess I need to clarify what I meant. (Still learning).

I think it is ok to find people (family members) attractive but not ok to interpret that as sexual attraction.

I too think you should be commended for recognising that these feeling of sexual tension are not normal and as Contry said were put there by your abuser.
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More than meets the eye!

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#408060 - 08/27/12 01:49 AM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
CloudyFalls Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/12
Posts: 170
Loc: Ohio
I think it's partly that too farmer boy, that I think they're interested or thinking the same things I am because I was a sexual object nearly my whole life. It could be an intimacy thing, because for me sex was how my abuser made me feel cared for, it was a symbol of friendship, and in this case family love. I shouldn't have to feel this way and I never would have had I not been abused. I hate it, my perception is just so distorted. My mind is just screwed up. Relationships with people, intimacy, love, all of these feelings are just tainted. And it all boils down to sex, I'm just so frustrated and torn lately I can't even get aroused. Sex and intimacy is just so tricky for me, it's not that I'm afraid of it, I just try to put it out of my mind, like I don't want to deal with it. Bottom line, I'm just so fucked up in the head, and it's so frustrating knowing my cousin could have destroyed everything I could have been. Who would I have been, I keep asking myself.
_________________________
"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

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#408064 - 08/27/12 02:22 AM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3513
Loc: somewhere in Africa
back when i was i kid going through puberty it was confusing. i thought i was a pervert because of getting aroused all the time. then i learned that it was natural - that it didn't even take a conscious thought to trigger it and that it did not mean i wanted to do it with whoever was present at that moment.

when the abuse memories came back, it's like i am reliving that period of my life in some ways. for me it is jsut like going through puberty again. anything and everything - or nothing - can turn me on!

i would guess that you are just getting turned on in general and that because you are near someone or looking at someone, you are making an association and you are assuming that attraction is the cause of it. but is is probly just your own hair-trigger hyper-sexualized state that is making you feel like there is an attraction there that there really isn't. the fact that your mind recoils and is disgusted by the idea is a good sign! your body got conditioned. your brain knows better!

how i see it...
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#408068 - 08/27/12 03:17 AM . [Re: CloudyFalls]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:46 PM)

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#408094 - 08/27/12 02:02 PM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
monkey Offline


Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 53
Loc: IL
I can relate to these feelings. I wasn't a victim of incest CSA, but anyone that I get close to(friends, acquaintances), these thoughts and feelings seem to pop into my head and arouse me. I am not even looking for that! I just want to be friends with them. I crave their friendship. And I look for approval and hope that me having these thoughts or reactions doesn't put them off. I know it is wrong and I want to heal from it. I am hoping CloudyFalls and anyone else that has these problems can find some restitution. Glad that this topic came up.
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Monkey(Mark)
The Flower Unfolding

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#408095 - 08/27/12 02:02 PM Re: Sexual Tension [Re: CloudyFalls]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
We have confused non-sexual intimacy with sex. We had no choice. Many of us, myself included, were abused by people who also showed us affection in some way. James told me he was my friend and that is what friends do.

I also spent the better part of my life viewing porn. Those images are seared into my brain. I am attracted to men and women. Fact. But with women, it just triggers the fantasy that I have been feeding myself for the last 21 years. So to bring this all together, we are hyper sexual because of the abuse. I associated sex with friendship so if my friends don't want to sleep with me, it means they don't love me. I want women to sexualize me to feel worthy and I sexualize men because I want to feel worthy.

It's about abuse and conditioning. Our brains wired up this way to survive. Much love to all.
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I am the warrior.

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