How many of you had a hard time accepting your gay identity. I know that I had misgiings about my identity for years. Before I came out I looked down at gay people and thought that being gay was something that was a flaw or disgrace. I grew up in the "bible belt" and it took me years to come to terms with understanding and acceptance that I could not allow myself to be ashamed of being gay anymore. If you feel or have felt the same way, then holla!

I told a recently out man that I loved him BECAUSE he was gay and it totally freaked him out. He was still suffering from internalized homophobia and shame. He has only been out a few weeks.

G

I believe lots of gay men have had this struggle to some extent or another. Hopefully, that is getting better for successive younger generations as better information gets out there.

I try to keep in mind that not every straight person has the easiest time of things when it comes to sexuality either. We're all on a journey and our sexuality is just a part of it.

But, there is definitely some common ground of repression experiences among gay men given the cultural bias towards it.

I think one thing that isn't stressed enough about internalized homophobia is owning it when you have some as a gay man. Chances are you're not going to be able to correct something you can't admit to having in the first place when it is there.

As an aside I went out on sat with a young couple who are out and proud. They are of the new generation that KC speaks of. They are unashamed and were both raised in a healthy a community so they've never been closeted. They also have the best words. They were calling people and places "bourgie" before the phrase itself became so bourgie.

Last sat they taught me about LUGs. Lesbians Until Graduation at which point the former lesbian is suddenly engaged to a power broker. Doug wondered aloud why this happened in plain sight for females but not for males. I saw he looked puzzled when I spoke to the stigmatizion men may feel, unlike females who enjoy somewhat of a higher stature as lipstick lesbians. Anyway he said I was very knowledgeable but that was simply because I was so old. Little wanker.

I can relate. I have had internalized homophobia for many years. I just didn't know what it was. I simply did not want to be gay, and still don't. There's just not much I can do about it other than accept it. I heard this term for the first time 2 days ago in a therapy session, and it has hit home.

I didn't really understand the issues I faced completely, but the incest and molestation that occured while I was growing up played heavily into my inability to come to terms with my sexuality. I was so ashamed of my "huge secret" that the other boys at school were the subject of my fantasies and that it thrilled me to talk to them. It was only years later that I really understood that I had grown up having normal adolescent gay sexual fantasies and that other gay boys have them too. I would have given anything to grow up somewhere where it didn't matter to anyone and other boys and I had been allowed to flirt, date, and fall in love like our straight peers were. It was only through the hardest of therapy that I began to accept that my family was wrong to hate me for my gay orientation, that I should be proud of myself, not ashamed, that I could and would get married to a man. Today I don't allow them to judge me, that is a special task only given to those whom I trust. (I do trust some straight people, but they do not condemn me for my sexuality)

I appreciate the thoughts and thank you for posting Alden.

BDGD