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#40768 - 05/14/01 09:13 AM (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
Hi,

it just felt right to change my name from humanforever to manchild.

I am not sure if i ever introduced myself:

I am 42. At 29 i remembered bodyfeelings and images of SA by father. Mother corrobated SA. I want to grow towards more that a victim of SA. I want to enjoy life.

I have a few questions to you all:

Can you mention
1. the 3 most important things you did, to learn to enjoy life?
2. the 3 most important things that happened and helped, inspired you to enjoy life?
3. events/actions not yet mentioned?

I will try to answer my questions for myself to start with.

1.1. Ask for help (going into therapy) from someone else than my abuser.
1.2. Experience nature.
1.3. Staying curious.

2.1 Celebrating family holidays with others.
2.2 Discovering what feels good.
2.3 Sleeping in a teepee.

3. Discovering, that not inhibiting my rage can be a great relief.

I dream the dream, that we all can inspire eachother with answering these questions.

[ 05-27-2001: Message edited by: manchild ]


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#40769 - 05/14/01 09:34 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
man child i know the feeling there, as a american indian i go by thunder it took a while to get a name for the fourm that would fit my personality, a thunderbolt is unpredicable and spuratice, i have a tendance to distroy things with my anger, maybe some day i can change mine like you did, there is alot of inspiration in all this fourm stuff. good luck i think.


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#40770 - 05/14/01 10:31 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
Hi Thunderbolt,

thank you very much for your reaction.
(I have re-edited my posting, adding some questions)

Thunderbolts inspire me and make me feel alive. After rain and thunder the world is fresh.
And I realize that through destruction, construction can be made possible.

I hope i do not offend you, when i say i am greatfull for experiences in a teepee and a sweatlodge, things that your forfathers have discovered. Strengths of american native culture have teached me to feel safe.
Tasted much better than an American Hamburger and stereotyping ppl as "winners or losers".

Manchild

[ 05-14-2001: Message edited by: manchild ]


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#40771 - 05/15/01 08:20 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
THANK YOU ! im MOVED, IT WILL BE A LITTLE WHILE BEFORE I CAN REPLY, I THINK I FELT SOMETHING DIFFIRENT, DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS.


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#40772 - 05/17/01 11:40 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
i have just returned from my counciler and have found out that i had experienced a feeling i had not before wecomed, idid not grow up with any learning about emotions, my mother had been abused we can say through her experience she did not show them to us kids, so thats that, your reply freaked me, the two emotions i rely on are anger and unvolnrablity, two that can be distructiveand inpenitrable, that is the way i am right now, before i return back to my old ways, thank you for the expirence, this is one for the books,,,


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#40773 - 05/24/01 12:00 PM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
i dont know how far out on the limb im going, 1. i was a protector not a abuser .i started a family that gave me a reson to continue. .blind fath in the creator 2.not kill myself .courage to speak. comunicate with you.


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#40774 - 05/25/01 12:23 PM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
this question stuff is not easy, i have a problem with trust, it makes me anilize every thing to death it may take a while to get anserws out, 3.testing my counciler for the first person i might trust.


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#40775 - 05/26/01 05:42 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
thunderbold i just noticed, you have been replying the last days to all the questions. (I felt frustrated that i expected this board to notify about replies posted and it turned out we don't get notified about replies.)
Good for you, that you experience new things, that you are growing.

I am hoping that others will reply too. I am so curious.

[ 05-26-2001: Message edited by: manchild ]


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#40776 - 05/27/01 02:06 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
Hi I'm 19, and i'm kindve a sporatic poster, so it may tak me a while to get around to you.

I'm not exactely sure i know what you mean, but i'll answer as best i can.

The three things that helped me most to get over my abuse and get on with life were
1 telling people about my abuse and talking about it.
2 letting go of the shame and trying to understand on a subconscious level that it wasn't my fault.
3 being proud that i survived with my faith and dreams intact.

The things that make me feel good in life are:
1 creating and dreaming
2 belief in the all the cycles and balances of nature, and belief in my place within it.
3 cherishing all the things in life i love, good and bad, and experiancing as much life and knowledge as i am able.

I have a dysfunctional family. My grandmother and step grandfather both have some sort of anxiety disorder. My dad is a herione addict who is currently in jail and will most likely spend the rest of his life there. My mom is co-dependant and can't see what a great person she is, and lets herself be used and mistreated by men. My mothers first three boyfriends were all alcholics, and they all put me down and verbaly abused me. Her current boyfriend is the same. My two half brothers were both in a lot of trouble when they were young, and now one, (the one who abused me) is still doing meanial jobs, is divorced, and has 3 kids. My moms side of the family is distant and i no longer know them very well, but one of my uncles on her side took care of me when i was very little while my mom went to jail for accepting stolen property. (she stopped using heroine while in jail, and went on to become a land survayer fo CalTRANS. I'm very proud of her.) I have 2 uncles on my grandmothers side, one is dead, murdered by a man who chanced upon seeing him in a female customers home and thought he was cheating on him with her. The other is a workaholic, who has struggled on and off with a cocaine addiction and possibly a gambling addiction. Both my grandmother and my grandfather on my mothers side died, my grandmother while i was very young,(though i remember caring for her deeply) and my grandfather (who i barely knew) when i was in my pre-teens. Kids made fun of me in school until high school. I had a few close friends, 1 of which i have maintaned a relationship with, but is no longer very close. He used me at times, and has had a very troubled time, and has yet to hold down a job. He keeps running away from home then coming back. I had consuelers since i was like 8, the first was incometant and thought i was a schizo, and put me on medication that knocked me out all day. The second was really cool, but since i didn't have any friends and he was one of the few people i could relate to, i never told him anything. I also had school therapists, one was ok, the rest were dicks. In high school I was tottaly alone. In my first year i was put in a special program, but it was designed for people with severe social problems an mental ddisorders, and the classes were remidial, so i was way too ahead of everybody and had to suffer the shame of riding the little yellow bus. Fater that i tried a semester at a normal high school program with a few remedial courses, then went to independant shcool, then finnaly took the california high school equivilancy exam, which is th equivilent of a GED for california only. I tried colledge, but it was exactely the same as high school, so i flunked out every time, not because i couldn't understand the work, but because i could find any real reason i was there. I dirfted a while, got into mild drugs like alchohol lsd shrooms weed, and even did extasy once (MDMA, or a crappy substitute) (mostly weed and alchohol)
I eventually got tired of being really depressed and escaping from reality all the time, so i started to exercise, and rebelling against my self image and popular opinion. I met another friend, and he and i are best friends to this day. we have a lot of the same problems, and i think we have helped each other a lot. Eventually, after alot of depression and reminicing, i confessed to myself that i was abused when i was around 5 or 6, and told my mom. I went into therapy again, and eventually also told my best friend. I Have been doing steadely better every since. it's rough, but i feel very close to living a life free of pain. I hope you find this story somewhat inspiring at least, because if i can manage to rise from where i was to where i am, i think that gotta be worth something. Well thanks for readin and good luck \:\)


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#40777 - 06/04/01 07:47 AM Re: (re)Introduction and a request for pointers
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
i guess my last reply to the questions would amount to something of a tear jerker though it does not effect me that way right now but ill say, i havent felt it but it does sound like it might be good, is to have or experince what it is to be safe or feel it, if thats not to confusing, its got me a little wierd just doing this. not being notified souldnt be to much of a worry manchild (i like that its like a reality check) its the suprize that screws us, hay thanks, you sound like a cool (person) if thats not an insult. good luck ..


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