Hahaha Pero, yeah that's the spirit! I am gonna Get that "Hug Fever" boys, catch it while it lasts!

What a great topic, Sam.

(((Sam)))
(((Garydosh)))
(((Mike)))
(((Kevin)))
(((Pero)))

You all deserve hugs. I'm going right now to get one myself.

Paul

Great topic, guys. Oh, how I wish that ((( ))) would suffice! As it is, I find myself still going off in fantasy-land and zoning out on porn.

I know it's compartmentalizing, but I still want to crawl up in that lap and be comforted, accepted, wanted, loved, reassured, validated, etc., etc., etc. And I'm willing to perform or gratify to recieve it!

Go ahead, let me have it. I know but, I want to feel I belong somewhere (Oh, please let me feel I belong!) and therapy just isn't helping.

Gmone,

Where do I belong? I have asked myself that question so many times. I have searched in relationships, drugs, alcohol, pornogrpahy and sex. I haven't found the answer in these places. So I have chosen the unknown. The life beyond the shit coping mechanisms. There is emotion there, the stuff that has been kept at bay while we, as children, needed to survive. But today, we need to learn all of these feelings anew.

We are here for you, I am here for you. I know that hunger pain you feel, the one that begs for affection, the one that wants to be loved and cared for. But we don't have to perform to receive that love. We love you just as you are, without any exceptions. I know it's difficult to feel it, but trust that one day you will feel it and you will know that you are worthy of unconditional love.

Sam, great thread. I don't want porn in my life. I choose recovery and healing. Much love my brothers. (((Hugs for everyone)))).

Lets be clear that addiction to porn means spending hours on it. Normal guys can view for 10-15 minutes, relieve themselves and go to sleep. NOT US! It becomes a compulsion. We can all agree that addiction to porn is a negative in our lives. (If hugs work for you, GREAT). But lets not beat ourselves up over it. We are too hard on ourselves. I think that as we focus on healing,this will fall into line.

ha ha Garydosh, you made me smile with your comments about porn and hugs
We are trying to be honest and supportive in all this, I'll be rather hugged than challenged (and later fallen) to some personal demons
I think that we are not talking about porn in some puritan way, off course that it doesn't have to be so wrong to watch it.
But when I'm talking about myself and porn I'm talking about spending hours in browsing trough different pages with just one goal: to find some raw and fragile feelings of people involved into some sex act. There is no need for some specific scenario but rather to see completely lost people to pleasures, it has to be as real as possible.
It is not healthy and it reminds me of my abuse - it is quick escape from reality into fantasy world. And to add even I consider myself as hetero when I'm down I'll easily switch to male movies and it is shameful how I'm able to navigate trough tons of it in my search...
So here is my hug to all of you courageous brothers survivors who are battling everyday with challenges and some personal demons :
(((Sam))))
(((Mike)))
(((Kevin)))
(((Garydosh)))
(((Paul)))
(((Gmone)))
(((Letourski)))
and I'll give one to myself too
(((Igor-aka Pero)))
Who is next ?
((( ...... )))

Hey Sam,
'Go get a hug' is a great idea.


I constantly seek out acceptance. But since I my addiction to porn is secretive, most of the judgement comes from within. So, in truth, what I struggle with is self-acceptance. I'm going to start giving myself hugs every time I feel the urge.

"Relying on will power is similar to trying to dodge bullets all day long. Eventually one will hit you and derail your plans. It is only a matter of time. However, once you change your focus and find a new path to put all of your energy into, impressive change is possible." --- Mike Mahler in his book Live Life Aggressively.

I've tried to quit many times before. But I guess what I need to do is replace one compulsion with another.
Plan of action for the next time I have an urge:
1. Distance myself -> Leave the computer desk and/or room (as you suggest)
2. Give myself a hug.
3. Explore the lines on my palms. (I know it's not as productive as running or exercise, but I find it keeps me occupied until until the urge returns at a future time)

I think I will need a more complex ritual than this. But, it's a start.

Hugs all around ((()))

Great topic, guys. Oh, how I wish that ((( ))) would suffice! As it is, I find myself still going off in fantasy-land and zoning out on porn.The purpose of Go Get A Hug is to initially realize what a survivor needs, love, acceptance, belonging in his life, then as those healthy positive feelings begin to create those longings, he searched for and really finds those instead of porn. This is about celebrating a breakthrough, seeking what we deeply desire, that of community and support. You are so worthy of this, Gmone, and you have reached out to us, which has made us stronger. Thank you!

I know it's compartmentalizing, but I still want to crawl up in that lap and be comforted, accepted, wanted, loved, reassured, validated, etc., etc., etc. And I'm willing to perform or gratify to recieve it! You know, you really know what you long for G. It was not you who hurt you by taking something that could have been so affirming and went too far. It was someone else, and you can heal from that. We would do ANYTHING for that reception, but now we have a way to melt into the healing of joyful union without the destruction and shame porn brings.

Go ahead, let me have it.Like a freight train Gmone, here it comes. I know but, I want to feel I belong somewhere Choo- Choo!(Oh, please let me feel I belong!)((( (Gmone) ))) and therapy just isn't helping.

Those who want hugs and acceptance the most, find the greatest joy in such safe, affirming action. Know that I smile as I write this to you, dear Gmone, and there is a little tear, respect and admiration for your reaching out. Well done.

Gmone,

Where do I belong? I have asked myself that question so many times. I have searched in relationships, drugs, alcohol, pornogrpahy and sex. I haven't found the answer in these places. So I have chosen the unknown. The life beyond the shit coping mechanisms. There is emotion there, the stuff that has been kept at bay while we, as children, needed to survive. But today, we need to learn all of these feelings anew.

We are here for you, I am here for you. I know that hunger pain you feel, the one that begs for affection, the one that wants to be loved and cared for. But we don't have to perform to receive that love. We love you just as you are, without any exceptions. I know it's difficult to feel it, but trust that one day you will feel it and you will know that you are worthy of unconditional love.Well said, we were OWED love, safety and protection, now we find it is what has been manipulated to gratify. We are loved just as we are. Love may be give and take, but this, this porn, this abuse, is not love, not by a long shot. It is nothing. Hugs, friendship, love, relationships, those are the stuff that fills our hearts. This is what we seek, for ourselves, this "give and take" strengthens us.

Sam, great thread. I don't want porn in my life. I choose recovery and healing. Much love my brothers. (((Hugs for everyone)))). (((Letourski))) WooHoo Such a powerful post and a wonderful entry for our Hug-a-thon. Much respect and admiration for your advocacy, fellow survivor. Thank you!