I have found that I my case I am super sensitive to being criticized. I usually take it negative and get my feelings hurt. As a survivor I guess it is my desire to make other think I was normal for acceptance to try and cover up my abuse. Thru therapy and my wife's help I has learned that it is not always negative talk at me when i am criticized.

Holy Cheese! my survivor and I just had this debate, about trying to control him. I'm a type A personality and I like for things within my bubble to go a certain but I'm not going to fall into the abyss if they don't. I adjust and go on. I tried to explain to my BF that I was sorry if he ever felt like I wanted to control him.

I don't want that kind of responsibility. My love language is "affirmation" and I've told him that for me sometimes things need to be said and in turn he responds with how I try to control his responses. Its ok for me to take his moodiness and cheating but its not ok for me to need to hear that he loves me or that he's sorry, because I can't control everything.

....ahhh sorry didn't mean to derail your thread, but I can totally relate...

Mel, I'm glad you revived this thread... It's a great one. Same issues here. Coping and criticism and big C words. Part of what is helping is boundaries being set - it makes it about me And my needs rather than about him. Trusting me is also improving things. It has been especially hard because I can be quite opinionated. I am always willing to hear "I don't agree", but he finds ANY sort of conflict tough. He avoids conflict and I love to debate. I find I ALWAYS learn something when I debate a topic with someone. If pushed into conflict or debate, he always gets pissy and takes personal stabs. He feels threatened... Literally!! Thanks so much for the thread and the "paranoid contention" idea. I think this one I might have to print and share with my H.