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#407516 - 08/22/12 05:42 AM Hugs versus porn
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
It has been going around in my head, the impulsive reaction to porn. As a sexual abuse recovery victor, I still struggle with the occasional urge to view porn, like quitting smoking and getting a whiff of a cigarette, or seeing someone take a drag, phew, that can be powerful.

In the abuse, we may have connected love with sometimes family, dominance, oppression and security in extreme, improper, criminally sexual activity. An incredibly insightful survivor posted that it is because we seek, we long for, we suffer to be accepted in love. Love from our parents, siblings, friends, important people and from ourselves, especially ourselves. It is important to me not only to no longer view pornography, but to establish a connection to the love and care that I was supposed to understand and internalize when instead I was taught this destructive trait.

So how do I personify this search in my life? By connecting with the images and actions of those who are able to openly exhibit this trait, that of love and acceptance. Nothing sexual. Just a sense of joy in the connecting, familiar, fraternal, yet more, a desire to be touched, to be embraced, to be held.
********************************************************* Go GET a Hug *********************************************************
Interesting that phrase, isn't it? We think we are giving a hug, supporting, giving away some of ourselves but the reality is, we are on the receiving end as well. Go GET a Hug.

http://zanegrava.wordpress.com/2011/03/03/

It is a start. I would challenge anyone here, first of all myself, that when I am online and a pop up flashes across my screen for porn, dating sites, whatever trigger that would previously send me searching for that betrayal, to shut the cover of the laptop or turn off the monitor, immediately get up and go get a hug. Go GET a Hug.

This is what I truly want. A hug, an embrace. I am wanted, I am cared for, someone who is kind to me, overlooks my faults and genuinely wants me to feel accepted.

Hugs>porn till there in no more POrn

Join me in a hug?

Sam (((Who's first?)))
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#407517 - 08/22/12 07:04 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Sam, what a brilliant idea smile.
I've already read somewhere here, you wrote about being emphatic and giving gentile hug to self when felt down, numbing, watching porn...
I tried couple of times and wasn't successful completely. I admit that have problems with porn also, especially when I'm anxious or scared or felt lonely or desperate and so on...
It seems somehow that negative image of myself is stronger comparing to my emphatic feelings. At least that is current situation.
But sharing positive feelings and love with others is completely different thing. It is very powerful experience, it grounds and lifts me at same time!
So here is my hug for you dear Sam. You were very honest and brave enough to show us your sensitive and true side, who could resist to give you hug? smile
((((Sam))))

I hope more people will join us in hug ((((Who is next?)))) smile
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My story

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#407519 - 08/22/12 07:35 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Thanks guys I too have come here seeking refuge for the porn viper. I know when I am feeling week that all I need to do is go to chat or the boards and I can be strong again. Working together maybe all of us who have been bitten can finally slay this dragon. ((((Sam)))) ((((pero)))) Mike

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#407522 - 08/22/12 07:49 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: peroperic2009]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
(((Pero))) Thank you for sharing and being brave to reach out!
I tried couple of times and wasn't successful completely.You are successful this time! Whether you had the urge or not, you demanded to reach out for fraternity, not porn, well done! I admit that have problems with porn also, especially when I'm anxious or scared or felt lonely or desperate and so on...In this hug, and feel free to come back for another, you are safe, you are calm, you are with me, a fellow survivor, in this large MaleSurvivor support group.
It seems somehow that negative image of myself is stronger comparing to my emphatic feelings. I do not see you that way Pero, you are sensitive, compassionate, supportive and you are strong.
But sharing positive feelings and love with others is completely different thing. It is very powerful experience, it grounds and lifts me at same time!It feels great, doesn't it!?!!
So here is my hug for you dear Sam. You were very honest and brave enough to show us your sensitive and true side, who could resist to give you hug? Not me, hee hee!
((((Sam))))
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#407524 - 08/22/12 07:58 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: mike13]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Thanks guys I too have come here seeking refuge for the porn viper. Refuge; a wonderful word, a great picture, thanks Mike. That snake does not get in here. I know when I am feeling week that all I need to do is go to chat or the boards and I can be strong again.That "weakness" is us actually needing to be "hugged", loved and accepted, safe from the hurt and rejection. It is not weak, but affirming our desire to connect in a positive way to ourselves and others. Working together maybe all of us who have been bitten can finally slay this dragon.We are individually and collectively more than porn. We refuse to keep being bitten, and in this, we heal. Healing is so much better. We will slay the viper dragon till it is no more than a contentious worm. I love the imagery here Mike, wow! ((((Sam)))) ((((pero)))) Mike
(((Mike)))
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#407534 - 08/22/12 09:16 AM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
I have learned the part of me that sought to recreate the abuse felt special and loved by my perp. As we heal, the thoughts of recreating the abuse are gone--I found it repulsive and the child is beginning to accept we were just used by the perp. But it is the child that has been slow to accept. But it is feeling wonderful to be escaping his clutches.

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#407573 - 08/22/12 04:45 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1513
Loc: New England
Sam,

I'd gladly trade porn for just a hug. Sadly I have noone in my life to hug me right now.
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#407577 - 08/22/12 06:28 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: SamV]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Garydosh but we are here to give hugs to each other, don't be sad.
So here is my warmest hug for you (((Garydosh)))
and for others too (((Mike))) (((Kevin))) and (((Sam))))
Pero
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My story

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#407592 - 08/22/12 09:33 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: KMCINVA]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I have learned the part of me that sought to recreate the abuse felt special and loved by my perp. As we heal, the thoughts of recreating the abuse are gone--I found it repulsive and the child is beginning to accept we were just used by the perp.Ours, yours and mine reactions were innocent, childish and naive. You deserve the joy and affection of healthy, loving acceptance Kevin. But it is the child that has been slow to accept. Let's continue to help that fellow survivor, the child is the same, he needs what he needs, rooms full of toys, friends, cake and a strong male roll that encourages bonding. You are that male, I know it! But it is feeling wonderful to be escaping his clutches. Yes it is wonderful, amazing, liberating. We get our "wings" back. I will be silly with you, we will hold hands and race to the water fall, and jump into the water below. We will emerge, lungs gasping for air, turn and yell ferociously at that plunge. You and I, we together with our survivors here, we will all play, hug and rush till we are satisfied.

Thank you for sharing (((Kevin)))
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#407595 - 08/22/12 09:39 PM Re: Hugs versus porn [Re: Jude]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I'd gladly trade porn for just a hug. Your chance is coming... ready!?!! smile Sadly I have noone in my life to hug me right now. How about a deal? Porn is not real, but comes from the Internet mostly right? So you have no porn in your life either. My fellow survivor, you have much to look forward to, I envy you. You are beginning a journey of healing that has many rewards for the journey, and many, many more for the future. *Sasuva motions forward with his hand*. Come on, you come with us, we are one!!!

Thank you for sharing (((Gary)))
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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