So, the C word is not control, it's COPING. What fun.

Oh, let's not kid ourselves - it's both!

Ok, if lying makes someone feel in control. Does lying work as a coping mechanism? Can you numb out on lying?

Compulsive lying? Of course!

Caring-about one self and the value they offer.

I HOPE AND PRAY EVERYDAY FOR THE C WORD TO BE CARING. Please make it so.

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I think Obi makes sense, but one other thought that goes along with your examples is this. When you buy a shirt, pick out a tutor, etc, you are not really doing something directed at him or who he is. When you talk about behavior, though, you are talking about him. If he is anything like me, he probably hears you saying he is a bad person. That will elicit a negative response.

Just a thought, because I could be dead wrong. Unfortunately, your boundaries are the right ones, so stand your ground (And make sure you have a Louisville Slugger for the times he gets obstinate. Just kidding).

I've missed you Jim.

I have become acutely aware of how he hears EVERYTHING as a criticism. I seriously had NO IDEA. But I have to say, those things are criticisms so he's right in a way. But he needs to know this, and so does every other survivor on this entire website:

WE WOULD NOT STILL BE HERE IF YOU WERE A BAD PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are right. We all need to know the truth. Both sides of it. Thank you.