Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
almostdonew/life (39), barelysurviving (45), bigbob20 (69), billyp (65), Shawv (70), TheTwoOfUs (43)
Who's Online
2 registered (BraveFalcon, 1 invisible), 32 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63773 Topics
445358 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 ... 9 10 >
Topic Options
#407400 - 08/21/12 10:44 AM To be honest with you. My thoughts
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
This is just the way I feel and I felt like sharing. I don't usually type too much info when I reply to post because I am usually viewing on my iPhone and these dang keys are super small. I also read most all of the post on here and in family and friends. Reading alot of post on family an friends is tough for me because I see the pain I have caused my own wife thru. I see the need for them to heal on here and possibly get survivors input to help understand. I think it is a great tool. I also have healed alot just by reading from others posts and seeing what has worked for them. One thing I have noticed is that survivors come from every background and this is a real and twisted issue. We have been thru some bad things in life but we also came thru it an are here healing. That says alot about our will to be better and make others better thru our experiences. Tee all have our own things that help and mine happens to be God, my wife as hopefully this new therapist I will start seeing Friday. I changed and I hope it will be a better experience. The one thing I have noticed is that my rage is more manageable for me now. I think before I act now. I no longer lash out as my first defense. Although I know this rage came from my abuse as a child and repressed feelings alot of it comes from a car wreck I went thru when I was 16 and lost my girlfriend. I always had a lot of friends and have been blessed to have that in my life. I know I have learned that I usually tried to overdo tasks and over help friends to gain their repect due to my own lack of self worth. I still get depressed at times and still have some control issues. I put my body through a living hell to make people think I was a great athlete to gain respect and admiration from people. I felt like it validated I was normal. I tried to overdo every task. Some of those traits are good but to an extent. Thru recovery and therapy I started second guessing all of my past decisions and I went into brain overload. I was trying to figure out when an what was abusive traits and what were normal traits. I talk to myself alot out loud. I can not stand reading books but I love learning new knowledge and tools. My faith in God is strong and I don't understand how someone can say that there is no God. That is like saying there is no Creator. When you see a building you just know that someone created it. There was a builder and you automatically know this. I feel the same about this Earth and life. When I was in church andfelt the flutter of my heart and tears in my eyes that was God knocking. I feel cheated out of a normal childhood but I can make a positive change now. I feel compassion for others now where as before I had none. I feel grief in my heart that I can't or won't tell my family because I don't want to rip it apart because my uncle sexually abused me. I have forgiven my uncle and my other abuser and I know that they did not know what impact te abuse would hav on my life. They acted out selfishly and made my life hell for their own pleasure. I know that my past can a will make me stronger. It has caused some pain yes and I was a co-conspirator of this damage along with my abusers. I know that life will have its ups and downs but who's life doesn't. Even people who haven't been abused have those issues. They have alot of the issues we have , so I try not to use those issues as a crutch for me to regress. I could lay there and say aww poor poor me but I don't want to. I want to embrace my wife an tell her that she is my rock, that she has a love that is worth fighting for, that she is #1 in my life after God. I want my life to have meaning and I want to leave a mark on this world. I don't want my agony to be in vein. I want so many things. I believed for a long time that I was no good and I was in shame. I noticed one day out in my backyard at my birdfeeder that there were so many different birds there. There were doves, cardinals, woodpeckers and robins. They all were feeding and my point is that even though they were all different birds, they were still feeding together at te same place in peace. Kind of like this site. I think of we keep an open mind and not judge and listen and read the posts that we can learn alot and heal. My abuse made me very physical in relationships and I related touch with sex. My abuse made me rage filled. My abuse made me scared to tell because people may think I was nasty.. My abuse made me very Tender hearted and I needed to be accepted and looked up to do my own well being. My abuse made me have no regard for others issues and I would think to myself " whatever, big deal". But being a survivor and seeing all my issues an what I can overcome has made me stronger too. I can now openly share all my issues with my wife , who is my best friend and it is awesome. I just worry about bringing her down and putting too much on her. I mean I have already caused her such great pain that I feel guilty putting more on her. I no longer have suicidal thoughts. All the tools are here and our recovery is what we make it. I mean come on guys for too long we have stood by and let this world get more and more out of control. It is up to us to get it back right. We have to take responsibility for our homes. We had I be better husbands to our wives and better fathers to our kids as better leaders. We can make a difference. What mark will I leave on this world when God calls me home?? Well I don't know but I can tell you this much, I won't sit by ad let my past rule my future and I will be a better man, husband, and father. I will speak up when I feel something is wrong. Thanks to all the people on here who help and thanks to all te wives who come here looking for answers and tools to help. I just had to get these things off my chest. I hope very one has a blessed day and can be a blessing to someone else.


Edited by Country (08/21/12 06:15 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407401 - 08/21/12 10:47 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I also never cried hardly ever before but now it is like I cry at the drop of a hat. A song, a random thought or anything causes me to cry.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407406 - 08/21/12 11:18 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
And as you can see my thoughts go all over the place from one minute to the next. I guess this is common thru recovery too. I don't know. Maybe it is just being a man. Ha


Edited by Country (08/21/12 11:19 AM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407424 - 08/21/12 01:56 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1557
Loc: New England
Country,

I am inspired by your faith in God. I lost mine asking "God...where were you?" I am learning that he was always there, but why did he have to let it happen? Thanks for your post. Its always good to hear from you.
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

Top
#407427 - 08/21/12 02:03 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thanks alot Gary. I spoke with my wife about how foolish I use to be. I thought I had to quit drinking to go to church , I thought I had to live right to go to church and have a relationship with God. That was just foolish. I had to get a relationship with Him and He took all of those wants from me. Alot of times people feel like God has to show them something. Like He works for us. We receive blessings after we bless other thru Him.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407430 - 08/21/12 02:49 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
We are talking about an illness that survivors have. It is body and brain trauma illness... I mean if it was cancer or getting a arm cut off would we have more support? If it was dementia would it be better?
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407466 - 08/21/12 07:46 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Good stuff, Country!
Thanks for letting us know you better.
you have lots to offer.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#407471 - 08/21/12 08:19 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thanks Lee.. I always enjoy reading your well articulated replies and posts... Wish I could get my point across in the manner that some of you guys do..


Edited by Country (08/21/12 08:20 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407494 - 08/21/12 11:25 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I'll second Lee - but I've been doing that a lot lately. Thanks for sharing your guts Country. Glad to know you.

Top
#407507 - 08/22/12 03:16 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Excellent post Country.
_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

Top
#407525 - 08/22/12 08:05 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thanks Jim. I am going to add my thoughts in this post as I go. I have alot more to share or get out there so other survivors don't feel alone I'm their thoughts or feelings
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407526 - 08/22/12 08:08 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Lancer]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I have also Lancer. Lee gets his points across quite well.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407541 - 08/22/12 10:17 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Ok let me get this right. I have a great job and I am blessed in that area of my life. But , If I was born with a condition which disabled me from working or had a wreck and was severely disabled then I could get disability. There are tons of survivors with PTSD and other illnesses / trauma that affected there brains and have them scared to go out in public and do they get squat? Do they , I don't know but I was wondering this morning about this.


Edited by Country (08/22/12 10:18 AM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407542 - 08/22/12 10:34 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Speaking for myself - HIV for 20 years - I tried The System. It was dehumanizing, humiliating and frustrating. Eventually I decided the stress was doing me more harm than any good I could hope to gain. Some of my friends are built of sterner stuff.

I may yet try again. In a sense, though, I prefer this choice. My struggles are overcoming my own limitations, not overcoming (or submitting to) a mindless bureaucracy. Those times I am successful, it's all mine.

Top
#407543 - 08/22/12 10:38 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Instead of me confronting my abusers which could lead to physical outburst. One is my uncle , I think I will write them a letter telling them in all the ways they messed my life up and my mind. I do forgive them but I have never confronted them about it. I want them to know the money, tears, and pain they have caused me. I want them to know that they are or were predators and that they will be held accountable for their actions one day by the big Boss man. Maybe twy have changed their lives and I hope they didn't abuse anyone else. I will demand a rely and some answers to questions I have like what age did you start abusing me uncle?? Why did u choose me? How many others did u abuse? Have u went to therapy for your issues? I am not seeking financial compensation fr them for my therapy cost although I think they should have to pay that. I am seeking a sincere heartfelt apology and I want them to know what they done was wrong and unacceptable and immorale
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407544 - 08/22/12 10:41 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I was unaware for your HIV lancer. Sorry to hear about that. I bet the system was tough for you and I hear it is for all. Why tho? I mean let's say u was in a car wreck and got ur leg cut off then it would be NO problem. Get molested and abused as a kid and have sooo many issues it is hard to live much less work and deal with that too and they act like u are just going to be ok because u r a man now. What a system we have. I respect our government but I believe it is used in all the wrong ways.


Edited by Country (08/22/12 12:10 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407552 - 08/22/12 01:03 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Being survivors I think it is easy for us to put our kids first, before anything, that is wrong of us. Yes we should protect them and be involved and raise them in the right manner but our spouse should be above out kids. We have made our kids feel entitled ad it is getting out of hand. We need to let them know that they do not run the house. We Ned to let them see that outlet wife comes before them. They don't always get to go first or open gifts first at Christmas. This is all part of what I think is wrong with society today and how we have gotten to the point we are today. Kids don't want to work fr anything. They feel like it should be given to them. They feel like they will just automatically have a great job and nice house and the same ara that their parents have. They are removed from most reality and it is mostly or all our fault. We raised them. We allowed it. We basically said it is OK because we didn't stop it. Ok I am done with this rant session. Sorry if I offend some and that is not my intention but sometimes toe stepping is good.


Edited by Country (08/22/12 07:09 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407572 - 08/22/12 04:32 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
A sad but true statement. There are more people that care about PETA's stance and issues than male survivors. More people give to the humane society than to male survivor.


Edited by Country (08/22/12 07:05 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407579 - 08/22/12 07:08 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I was thinking about Monkey while ago while I was cutting grass and hoping that his " telling the group" goes well for him and helps him heal. I was thinking about Avery as well an wondering how he has been and doing with his kids and grand kids. I was thinking about Just Scott and his powerful skit about letting go of the chains that hold u down. I was also thinking about maybe starting my letter to my abusers.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407597 - 08/22/12 09:41 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Go figure, I cut the grass to let my mind go blank ;-)

Top
#407647 - 08/23/12 12:37 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
So I emailed my new T my info so we don't have to go over every little detail the first appt. I hope she is better than the other guy. I mean I think that most of the healing is a kind of self healing anyway that time and understanding provides. But I ain't going to cheat myself, maybe it will be more helpful than I realize.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407681 - 08/23/12 04:55 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Country

My prayers/thoughts are with you. All the best with the new T. (I just worked out what 'T' stands for. It has been bugging me)

Thanks for your welcome...it meant a lot!!!
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#407683 - 08/23/12 04:57 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Farmer Boy]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
You are welcome bro. Anytime. It took me a while to figure out all the abbreviations also. Glad u r here farmer.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407684 - 08/23/12 04:58 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thanks for the prayers too. Much appreciated. I welcome all prayers and prayer warriors to pray for me and my family. As I will for you.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407725 - 08/23/12 08:36 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Country
So I emailed my new T my info so we don't have to go over every little detail the first appt. I hope she is better than the other guy. I mean I think that most of the healing is a kind of self healing anyway that time and understanding provides. But I ain't going to cheat myself, maybe it will be more helpful than I realize.


Country, communicating the facts and background info in advance may be a good 1st step to start with - but don't short-change yourself. it is really helpful to tell your story in person, face to face - and let the connection grow with your T or whoever is listening. it will help you both. and chances are pretty high that you will discover or remember or realize new details or insights or feelings as you do, no matter how many times you've gone over it.

so - all my best wishes to you - and my prayers as well,
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#407726 - 08/23/12 08:37 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Dude my wife just said the same thing...Do u have my house bugged??hahaha Thanks i welcome all advice bro
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407728 - 08/23/12 08:40 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
wise woman! wink
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#407784 - 08/24/12 09:21 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Excited, nervous and ready

I start my new therapist today. I got to go when I get off work this evening. I am super excited. I was wondering tho, should it bother me if my therapist doesn't share my spiritual beliefs? I think that is important, well to me it is. I even made a comment about it in my email to her. I also emails my church office and asked if they have anyone on staff that coul help out also. We have a membership of around 30k people in several different locations in the state.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407785 - 08/24/12 09:35 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
Most definitely there is not doubt about it . Equally yoked does not just apply for married people. You want to be yoked up with someone going the same direction as you are going . The same spiritual mindset so you maybe even able to invite the Holy Spirit in and pray together . Some might argue as long as he or she gets the job done but being a believer that is just my take on it
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#407787 - 08/24/12 09:41 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I agree bro. Thanks for the opinion and insight
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407819 - 08/24/12 05:11 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Ok. So here I am at my new T's office waiting for the appt. Of course I am 30 minutes early. I wonder I she has any clue about CSA. Wow all I can say is she is about to get a crash course if she doesnt. Ha. The wife is with me also
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407836 - 08/24/12 09:18 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
First session with new T went well. She is a believer and she seems very well equipped for CSA issues an how it affect the brain. I was pretty impressed. She talked about tools and goals. Really good first session. I am so relieved right now. She seems very proactive and not reactive. I like that trait
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407850 - 08/24/12 11:21 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
I had a good first session with my new T this week as well. Was also apprehensive at first, but she turned out great.

Don't think I could have started recovery with a female therapist. Way too much shame at first for that. But now it will be good to work it out with a woman's perspective.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

Top
#407852 - 08/24/12 11:35 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Agree on that. Thanks
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407908 - 08/25/12 06:08 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Wow. Work day at the hunting club. I am whipped. Ready to get home get a shower and get summ Mrs Country's cooking. We have 19k acres. Really. No way to take care of or learn that much land.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407909 - 08/25/12 06:09 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
How did an ad get on my post?? Really. I didn't do that
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#407966 - 08/26/12 07:51 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I agree with nltsaved!!!
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#408011 - 08/26/12 04:23 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
My opinion on this may be off but here is what I think. I think that when a person is sexually abused they are on of two types. Type 1 is a sex addict. One who feels like they need sex to make themselves feel worthy. They assaociate any type of touch to sexual feelings. This may also involve alot of porn and masturbation. Type 2 are the ones who feel repulsed by sex because it triggers them to the abuse they suffered. I think this type may even feel that seclusion is there any way to feel safe. There are probably so many different types but this , I think, are the 2 main types. I am interested to hear from others on this.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#408091 - 08/27/12 01:44 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I am amazed by the number of people we have here at this site. There is alot of survivors and spouses of survivors... I want to challenge those who sit back and read and don't post to take a step out of their comfort zone and start posting. I think I have learned alot by seeing what some people have been thru and what worked for them.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#408141 - 08/27/12 08:15 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Country
I think that when a person is sexually abused they are on of two types. Type 1 is a sex addict. One who feels like they need sex to make themselves feel worthy. They assaociate any type of touch to sexual feelings. This may also involve alot of porn and masturbation. Type 2 are the ones who feel repulsed by sex because it triggers them to the abuse they suffered. I think this type may even feel that seclusion is there any way to feel safe.


yep - i agree.

that has been the story of my life - alternating betweeen the extremes.
secretly - type 1.
publicly - with other people - type 2.
really screwed up - either way.
no "happy medium" or "normal."

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#408142 - 08/27/12 08:26 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Awareness is winning half the battle tho Lee.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#408146 - 08/27/12 08:41 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Lee,
You are a great poster and give great advice bud. I wish I could help you more or be as well illustrated in my points as you are. I hate to hear you struggling.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#408307 - 08/29/12 12:24 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I was finding myself falling into the over achiever mode. I was feeling like I HAD to reply to every single post. This is a common mistake of most abused is te wanting to overdo things to be accepted or looked up to. I am in no way a great person or role model. I am a new person tho because God made me new. I am made in His own image. I was made worthy of great things because Jesus died for me. My name will be on the role when it is called or that great trumpet sounds. I had a conversation with a guy today who was abused also. I had no clue that when God caused our paths to cross that this would be all for a reason. I told him about this site an he is trying to mend his marriage. I gotta share this story,,
My wife and I had gotten back together a moved into a new house. We were going to rent our house out. We had several people come by and look on Saturday on a open house and then I prayed, I prayed that God would show me who to rent to. Then this guy came by. He said he was just riding by and seen te signs for the open house and him ad his wife are looking to move. Now we are sharing our CSA with each other. Unfortunately for him they are separated now. But this shows that God has a plan for everything.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409072 - 09/05/12 02:09 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I guess that recovery is like anything else in life. There are relative and proactive people/ ways of recovery. I know that after all my knee surgeries the doctors said I recovered quickly and was ahead in my therapy. I did alot of stuff at home to get better and heal quicker. Had I sat at home and just waited for my doc and my therapists to do all the exercises with me and for me then I would not have Ben healing or recovering as well. I see in my CSA recovery that it is harder than just sitting at home and doing leg extensions. It takes me reading and being honest with myself about reasonable goals. I feel like I am healing well. My rage is pretty much under control. I still get depressed at times tho. I know that God has helped me more than anything in this process and also having a caring wife that understands because she has done some reading as well. I don't tend to dwell on the fact that I was abused as much as I do te fact that it is over and I can not change it so let's get better from here. I got see my new T for our second appt tomorrow.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409250 - 09/06/12 05:36 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Went to my new T for our second appt today. Appt was at 1030 and she had me down at 10. Wow. The wife and I both recalled us agreeing to 1030. I also had a bogus $80 charge from the new T on my card, which she adjusted and I truly believe was an honest mistake.
So she starts talking to me about EMDR and she is certified in this. It sounds very interesting. I think it may help. The appt was very short because she has another client at 11 and all we spoke about was the EMDR. But I am way happier with this T than my other one. I think my time here at MS is coming to a close. I have moved beyond the level of help that I think can be provided here. It was very helpful at first to see what worked for others and what didn't. To see others feelings and comments. It seems like some get better by self loathing. I understand, we have all been thru trauma and some get thru it in their own ways. I chose to quit watching porn and quit self medicating with alcohol. I choose to move to a point forward and not continue looking back on what could have been or should have been. I can not control my past. God has played a biggest part in healing these afflictions. There is a very diverse group here and I see that that is a good thing. Diversity and different opinions have always been needed in moving forward and improving, if all you hear is people agreeing with you and like opinions then you cant see the other side to issues.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409283 - 09/06/12 09:16 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6501
Loc: Terminus
[Comment removed. Please refer to the guidelines regarding personal attacks.]


Edited by ModTeam (09/15/12 11:56 PM)
_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#409286 - 09/06/12 09:21 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
[Comment removed to conform to site guidelines.]


Edited by ModTeam (09/15/12 11:55 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#409955 - 09/12/12 05:10 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I think now more than ever before there is a need for survivors to be heard. It seems with so many perps in high leek places being caught that the public is more open to this really being a issue. There are pro ball players coming out and sports announcers coming with their CSA. I think it is a great time for us as survivors to be accepted and seek help an maybe it will make others feel comfy coming out with their CSA.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410529 - 09/18/12 01:03 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Just the smallest little thing said or done can bring a trigger and start depression. It is amazing that it is so easy to be torn completely down to the point where you want to just give up by just a few words. It is like taking a fire and just pouring water all over it. It is like getting punched right the the sternum or getting slapped in the head with a ball bat. I mean I would rather be kicked in the mouth than feel like I feel when I get depressed. I just don't understand it. Sometimes I think that isolation is the only way.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410553 - 09/18/12 07:32 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Country - come on, man - look what you just said:

***Just the smallest little thing...***

AND

*** ...just a few words."

You KNOW it is little things that trigger - and that they aren't that important in themselves. this is where we over-react. when you are outside of it - looking at it objectively, you can see that the triggering words or events are not that serious. it is our past, our memories, our feelings - that are the big stuff. and they are manageable. you don't have to go back there and re-live it. acknowlege those things and decide to deal with them in a healthy way instead of becoming the victim all over again. get yourself back into the present. breathe. tell yourself some Truths. remind yourself where you are and who you are and Who is with you - and you can DO this. Don't be overcome with evil - but overcome evil with GOOD.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#410554 - 09/18/12 07:37 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
So true Lee....Thanks bro
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410558 - 09/18/12 08:32 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I just don't think that people understand , as survivors , the effect words can have on us. Or maybe it is just me. I mean seriously, I am at a great point in my life where I feel like God is healing me and moving in me. I have started feeling more and more worthy thru bible reading and worship. I just feel so much worse when I get depressed because I know that I am worthy but it is just that I still need my worth to be seen. I don't even know if this makes since. Oh well I guess I till need some work on this and I know the One who can fix it. I wouldn't wish depression on anyone. I feel as a Christian and a survivor that I am getting a double dose or attack from the evil.

Does anyone get headaches when they are depressed ? Sorry for troubling y'all with my crap as I know y'all have your own issues.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410669 - 09/19/12 10:35 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I know what you mean.

You have to remember that we are still human even though we have the power of God in us. It is still human nature to want others to respect us. (I'm equating needing our worth to be seen with respect - could be wrong) The bible says 'Husbands love your wives' because women 'need' love - it says wives respect your husbands' because men 'need' respect. That is how God made us!!! I wouldn't feel bad about wanting to feel respected.

I probably have depression sometimes. My wife has depression and the meds have helped a lot.

She often gets a headaches when she is depressed. It makes her really irritable and not much fun to be around. She knows it is happening but can't seem to change it.

Do you feel that your depression stems from CSA or is a separate issue?
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#410671 - 09/19/12 10:38 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
May be from some kinda PTSD from the wreck when I was 16 and my GF was killed. Could be from CSA. U nailed it tho , it stems from my sense of self worth. Just one negative thing and trigger depression. Especially when it is someone close.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410674 - 09/19/12 10:47 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Country
I just don't think that people understand , as survivors , the effect words can have on us. Or maybe it is just me.
...
Does anyone get headaches when they are depressed ? Sorry for troubling y'all with my crap as I know y'all have your own issues.


Country - it's true - anyone who has been subject to abuse is more sensitive to anything that reminds them of abuse - whether it is others' words or actions - even if it is unintentional - or less serious than the way we percieve it. we magnify it it our own minds and react as if it was a major event. lilke we are re-enacting the reactions to past events that were really bad. and no - it is not just you.

on headaches - i used to get terrible migraines that would completely incompacitate me. that was at a stage when i was not depressed - or if i was i disn't act like it or know it. Then i got severely depressed - and aat that stage i don't remember the headaches being as bad. i think the buried trauma was having different effects at different periods of my life. since i have become aware of the abuse and started to deal with it - both the headaches and the depression have been less severe. i have been moody and withdrawn and edgy and irritable - and all kinds of other varieties of no-fun-to-be-around - but not the nearly comatose unresponsive depression that i was in before.

sometimes headaches have a physical cause - might be worth checking with a doc.

and one more thing - don't apologize. this is what we are all here for - to support one another.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#410989 - 09/21/12 07:48 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Lee
Thanks for your comments and advice. Means alot. More than you know.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#410991 - 09/21/12 07:54 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
We are so strong. We are survivors. We survived something that is so horrific that they lock some people away for life. We have triggers yeah, but we also have a desire to get better when it would be so much easier to just say screw it and quit. We face soooo many fears and yet we still make it. We down ourselves alot and for what? We are amongst some of the elite people here. People that not only are healing but along the path of healing are trying to help others. Wow. That is so unselfish. I think a great deal of everyone here an can only stand back and say , men keep your chin high because you truly help someone wether you know it or not. Yeah ain't where we need to be but we ain't where we were either. Bravo to all the men and families on this site who help and are getting better.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411055 - 09/22/12 12:06 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
what if we as survivors and a country got as fired up about helping CSA victims as we did about college football?? Wow
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411172 - 09/23/12 08:44 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Went to the therapist after church. We talked about EMDR and started finding my " safe place". Of course I chose the outdoors where I feels so at peace. I think this is really going to be a good thing for me to do. She said I would be a little tired after the sessions. We shall see an I will post after the next session. She wants to start with something small then escalate to the CSA.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411378 - 09/25/12 04:39 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Maybe be triggering for some. ....



Truth is in my opinion , others don't care about our struggles and what it does to us when they say something hurtful or remind you of your past failures. Truth is we have probably hurt them too with a past act. Truth is that they are ready to forgive you as long as it is on their own terms and conditions. They just don't realize that their words are sometimes so strong and hurtful that it triggers some of the worst thoughts and depression. Or maybe they do realize it and just don't care. To say that we are getting better and they are proud of us and then rip all that out with a few words is brutal. Never mind the fact that we usually beat ourselves up over things way too much anyway because most of the time we feel so unworthy. Nevermind that,, go ahead and shove that dagger in. Yeah it feels good. Nevermind the fact that you have made a complete 360 degree change fr the better. All that is nothing. I mean I probably wouldn't like me if I was them either. So why should I expect to me special now ?? I am nothing and never have been but I am better than I use to be. To hurt me is nothing new, hell I have been in pain my whole life. All of this for what?? What good comes out of it? Just when we start to feel a little self worth, wham, we get smack right back to reality. They know what we were so they think that is who we are. Can I blame them? Nope. Can I stop it? Nope. Is it at all helpful? Nope. So what good comes out of it? Just to know that they humiliate us and hurt is?? I guess for what I have done in my past I deserve to be humiliated and hurt and depressed. I guess that is the only way that they can heal. Might as well I mean it ain't like I am gonna think I deserve anything better anyway. I think about as much of myself as thu do. Nothing. Always have and always will. I hope they feel better about what was said because if I am gonna feel like trash of te earth I sure hope it was worth it and they feel better. Whatever who cares anyway. It is what it is and that is all it ever will be. Screw it. It don't even matter anyway.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411381 - 09/25/12 05:10 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
And it never fails that when all this happens and u fill less than a piece of crap that everyone wants to ask you" how you doing today?" And of course I throw this same ole same ole at them and they could care less either.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411382 - 09/25/12 05:35 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Dude, I care anyway - I feel your pain !!!

I know what it is like to have 'a few little words' rip the rug out from under you. You aren't back at the beginning but it feels that way. I am really sorry this person hurt you so deeply.

I know you are probably not in a place to hear this stuff but I'm just going to remind you anyway (We ALL need reminding sometimes)

"they are ready to forgive you as long as it is on their own terms and conditions."
A: You have already been forgiven by the One who's approval is of the MOST importance. As Christian surviors we need to remind ourselves that God's forgiveness and acceptance is worth so much more than any human's.

"So why should I expect to me special now ??"
A: Because you have the Holy spirit in you - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" Cor 5:17

When stuff like this happens we just have to get back to the word - so God can remind us of the truth that He loves us, accepts us as his son and has forgiven us of all the stuff we have done. If God has forgiven our sin then who are we to hold onto it. The price/debt has been paid so now all we need to do is say thankyou and move on. (I am still working on this too and I know it IS NOT easy. Sorry if this sounds simplistic and harsh but I believe it is the truth) We have worth because of who we are in Him.

To me you're not nothing - you have been a such a positive influence in my life that words can't explain.
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#411414 - 09/26/12 12:57 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Farmer, thanks bud. Thanks for the thoughts and words. This too shall pass I reckon. It just , well I don't know. No sense in a pity party for me. I know when we are attacked it is strong and hard to try and throw us out of the graces. It just hits so hard and fast like somebody hits you with a ball bat right in the gut. Tour words mean more than you know.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411422 - 09/26/12 01:50 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
bobalone Offline


Registered: 09/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: Canada
WOW what a nice post, thank you

Top
#411551 - 09/27/12 02:19 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
After a hard couple of days battling some depression and feeling or worthlessness I feel better today. Well I am not depressed anyway. It is weird how some of the smallest things can set it into motion. Wish they made a magic pill for this kinda stuff. Oh well. Thanks for the inspiration Farmer. You are a good bloke and your words were very much needed. It is already tomorrow where you are at... Ha. That still blows my mind.

Well we all struggle and we all improve I reckon. That is part of the journey thru this recovery. I am a 4 wheel drive with a 6 inch lift kit that is ready for all the ruts and bumps. In the end I think it will make me a better person. Just like a lot of our squabbles and issues in these threads. It opens our eyes to different points of views. I am grateful for this site and people.


Edited by Country (09/30/12 08:49 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411773 - 09/29/12 04:09 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I think that we are in control of our own recovery. I really think that a Positive mental attitude can go a long way in recovery. We can also choose to stay in a repeating cycle. I think that sometimes we get caught up in a self pity party an that causes us to regress. I mean it is only normal after what we have been thru and we rarely get sympathy from others. But I think it is so important for us to see this when it starts to occur and get positive instead. This mind trauma we suffered has to release its grip and some point. We must make it or it never will. Best in healing fellas. Roll Tide
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#411951 - 10/02/12 01:26 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I see that some here have memory issues. I do as well. I wonder if that is a common thing for CSA survivors. Maybe part of PTSD. Anyone else have memory issues? Or know if this is common for us ?
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412236 - 10/05/12 02:54 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
So I go for my first real EMDR session Friday at noon. I am nervousness but optimistic about it. She said she would start me off with something not so traumatic and then over the next sessions get into my past. I am going all in though because I really think this is going to be for the best. I will post later on how it goes in case anyone else may be interested in it. Best wishes fellas
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412246 - 10/05/12 05:22 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
trusting it goes well.
praying for you, bro.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#412263 - 10/05/12 10:42 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
monkey Offline


Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 53
Loc: IL
Hey Country,
I have been reading your posts and different thoughts. I can relate to a lot of what you are experiencing with God, your wife and what matters most and having to deal with mind and body trauma. I am on a long journey now to dealing with my mind and body traumas and making sense of it. Yet still trying to cope with having a good relationship with God and my wife.
On one of your posts you mentioned you were thinking of me and me telling my small group about my CSA. Not sure if I followed up on that and for that I am truly sorry. But to let you know, everyone was very attentative and accepting me. It was good to have 3 of my male friends in the group who I have personally disclosed my story to as added support. But after telling the group, I feel like things are getting easier for me to discuss the CSA topic with almost anyone. And my hopes are that not only just this group of friends, but a larger audience might hear my story sometime in the future to gain awareness. I will just trust in the Lord to make that happen and that I recognize the opportunity to do so.
Thanks for being so open to revealing your thoughts.

Your brother in Christ,
_________________________
Monkey(Mark)
The Flower Unfolding

Top
#412289 - 10/05/12 03:33 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I went to therapy today and we dove right into my EMDR. All I can say is WOW. It is the real deal. For just an hour session about something that was small for the first time. It is amazing where your mind travels during the session. It comes back full circle to a release. I was mind exhausted when I left. It was hard to focus. But I felt a release of what before I felt like I was a disappointment in. I am still a little tired but I feel better an see this really being a vital step. I was skeptical when I first heard of it and wanted no part of it. Now I am all in an cant what till next time
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412291 - 10/05/12 05:35 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Thanks for your kind words Monkey. Means a lot
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412578 - 10/09/12 10:37 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Started EMDR with my therapist the other day. I think it will help me with some anger and rage issues that I still have. It is very exhausting tho. It puts your brain on overload. It is kinda weird the way it works. The therapist gave me a buzzer (pulsator) in each hand and a pair of headphones. They work together and when an impulse goes off in the hand the same side ear piece goes off. It makes your eyes (even tho they are closed) move back and forth. It keeps the emotional state down somehow. But she asks questions as you think about something and words just seem to pop into your mind. The start is like this. Think of something that made you feel unworthy. Then she turns the device on and periodically turns it off and asks for your thought. It eventually comes full circle and the bad thought or emotion is released and you feel better. We started small and it seemed to work. We started with a thought thy made me feel like I was a disappointment. My grandad told me one time after I left college baseball that " boy you sure could have been something of your knees were better ". Small I know but you have to know the magnitude of my grandad in the baseball world at that time in the state of Alabama. I knew he loved me and didn't mean to hurt my feelings but I always felt like I let him down somehow. Over something I had no control over. I am sure if anyone asked him that he would say he is proud of me as the man I am. But he doesn't know either thy his son, my uncle, moleste me for years and years. Anyway back to the therapist. First they establish a safe place for you. Mine was outdoors and hunting. I feel so calm and at peace there. So whenever my thoughts seem to get off course or to a dangerous place we can go to the safe place. So we started the session and she asked me to go to the felling of when my grandad said that, I started to et emotional and she cut the device on ad my emotions went away. Strange I know. But she wrote the words down that I said. One time my thoughts started going to , danger and rage and words like that so we went back to my safe place. But she reads the words back after we were done and you can see how at the end I went to thing like , peace , understanding and love. I felt as if I was released from thy disappointment. We will get more into my abuse later. I am kinda nervous but very excited about the EMDR.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412658 - 10/09/12 10:33 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
If anyone has any other helpful things or thoughts about EMDR feel free to let me know. Ha.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412813 - 10/11/12 04:37 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Ten four then. Thanks for the support.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412846 - 10/11/12 09:18 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Sorry man, I hate having a thread that no on replies to as well. Makes you feel lonely :-(

I haven't ever had EMDR or any experience with it either. Don't know much.

If it's helpful for you though, that's cool!

Top
#413211 - 10/15/12 06:34 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
It is very helpful Scott as I would encourage others to look into it. I am just trying to lay it out here for people to be more knowledgable about it and decide if they want to do it. You are totally in control and the way it works is very less traumatic than just sitting there talking because of the eye movement. It kinda keeps the emotions in check while difficult issues are being worked on. I sound like a salesman. Haha. I should be a paid spokesperson. NOT
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#414310 - 10/26/12 03:24 AM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
went back to T last week but my mind was not in the right place for a EMDR session.. I am so glad that I found a good T this time. It makes a world of differnce


Edited by Country (10/26/12 03:25 AM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#414762 - 10/30/12 03:17 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Why do so many of us still classify ourselves as victim. We are victors. It is amazing what a positive mindset or attitude can do.

The wife and I are headed to the Mnts for a anniversary vacation. I am a victor. I no longer classify as victim.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#414765 - 10/30/12 03:43 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
So true!
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#414798 - 10/30/12 08:55 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Self identity and how one perceives themself can go along way they recovery. If u find urself stuck in a rut then maybe u quit walking towards the finish line. U can start the race but if u stop half way then u can't say u finished.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#414799 - 10/30/12 08:57 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
We can blame whatever we want to on CSA but the bottom line is are we striving to get better. Are we satisfied with our current status.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#418624 - 12/09/12 09:40 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Just dropping a post and checking in. The EMDR is the real deal fellas. I mean I stand in awe of the release of anger and feelings of rage and guilt that just let go. It truly is amazing. I am doing great. My T is awesome and we seem to be clicking on all cylinders. The wife is still going with me and I just wrote an awareness letter and a letter to my uncle who was one of my abusers. I haven't sent it and don't know when I will, probably after my grandparents pass.

I just want to say this. If you are stuck in a rut. Only you can pull yourself out. Words of encouragement here at MS help but you are in charge of you. We are entitled to nothing here. Just my opinions here but when we realize that God owns everything then we can drop our sense of entitlement. In pray for y'all still and hold y'all with the highest repect. You are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. After all you are a survivor.. You are gonna be OK.

It is funny what brought me back tonight. I will share it. My wife was on You Version. It is a bible app on our phones. She went to the search mode and seen where in looked up some things on masterbation and lust. Some of y'all will remember when we had that discussion on here. Haha. So I was showing her where I posted about this in the post " all guys do it".

Anyway while I was here I just wanted to share a few things and say hey and wish y'all well. I would also like to encourage anyone interested in EMDR to take a leap of faith. Trust me, it is all that and a bag of chips. Thanks for all the PM's and good wishes.
In leave y'all with this thought. We are all made equal. Yes, the same God that created Moses and Abraham made you and me. He didn't spend more or less time on any of us. We are to sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron. I hope y'all are safe and doing good and I hope y'all have a Happy Christmas as New Years. This will be the first one I see my uncle since I have faced my abuse. Thy is why my T thinks writing a letter may help me prepare. I wanna thank you all for everything. Even the not so great posts. They have all helped shape me. For the people in Family and Friends I hope y'all have the same great Holidays. God bless you all. I am sure there were typos cause this iPhone has keys that are tiny.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#418631 - 12/09/12 10:07 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Country -

great to hear from you - and so encouraging to hear of all the progress and positive stuff going on in your life!

you are still in my prayers - and will be regarding the face-to-face with your uncle. please let us know how that goes.

may you be blessed, guided and guarded!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#428718 - 03/22/13 03:12 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Last night a door was opened for me to speak at a boys ranch in Selma Alabama. These kids have been rejected by there parents and this is where they end up. Some are criminals and have nowhere else to go. I gave my testimony. My past abuse and everything in my life.

8 kids turned their life to The Lord and 1 turned a knife in at the end. There is hope and The Lord can use us to help others.


My EMDR is still having amazing results and everything is going good. I pray for y'all and hope y'all are doing good. Take care and much love to everyone here.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#428723 - 03/22/13 03:53 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Country

I have missed you.

Thanks for the update! It is so good to hear the Lord using you like that. The thought of one day sharing my testimony sacres the bejeebas out of me.

Glad all is well back in the ranch.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
#428732 - 03/22/13 06:05 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
It did me too bro. It helps me as much as the people hearing it. Thanks bro. Hope all is well. Going turkey hunting at the club
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#432279 - 04/24/13 01:25 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Once someone knows us and knows that we are survivors of childhood sexual abuse are they always going to analyze everything we do and keep us under a microscope?? We allow them inside to know the hurt and pain and wanting them to know that we want HELP. My conclusion is this:

They may always examine every little detail about Us..SO? We know out progress. We know we are doing OK and we know we are getting better. Most of the time thy are just worried about us regressing so they are looking out for any abnormalities. We shouldn't let this regress us. More than likely it is because they love us. Maybe it is even something inside of them that is healing too.

Y'all have a great day. Blessings and love to all and remember your progress is up to you. No excuses. Questions, yes but no more excuses.


Edited by Country (04/24/13 10:28 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#433316 - 05/02/13 04:28 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I remember when I first addressed my abuse. My mind was in overload. Thinking and over thinking everything. Was this a normal thought and was my thoughts before bad or good. I questioned every thought and my mind stayed exhausted
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#445712 - 08/28/13 12:27 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
So I am done with my therapy. All that my insurance will cover anyway. My life is so much better and clearer now. EMDR was a blessing. Wishing everyone the best.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#445785 - 08/28/13 08:43 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Country!
Good to hear from you!!
Well done on the therapy - and on attaining a better life!!!
i hope you continue on this positive course!!!!
don't forget about us.
God bless,
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#463154 - 03/25/14 03:19 PM Re: To be honest with you. My thoughts [Re: Country]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
really liked this
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

Top
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 ... 9 10 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.