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#40739 - 02/09/03 10:42 PM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
Hi OneWithStrength,
I also want to welcome you here. Sorry it has to be the profound sense of shame and pain that brings you here, it is the link we all have in comon that we had no choice other than learn to carry. It is our perpetrators that coersed un into carrying it by the nature of a trusting relationship. What we learned is that "trusting" and "relationship" cancel each other out. It is not supposed to be that way. You are welcome here as our individual paths converge on these pages. We have much to learn from each other in our time here. You are already a teacher. We teach each other our truths.


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#40740 - 02/10/03 10:08 AM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
One With Strength:

Welcome to MS. I'm not glad for why you're here, but I'm glad you're here for why you're here. This is a great place for recovery, a true brotherhood of male survivors.

Just posting here took a lot of courage for you, and gives a lot of courage to us. Thanks.

Take care

Victor


_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#40741 - 02/10/03 03:03 PM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
OneWithStrength Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/09/03
Posts: 5
Loc: U.S.
I am writing this to Bob, RJD, Jess and Victor. I am going to start by saying thank you very much for your replies. It helps me incredibly. Yesterday I didn't know what to expect out of this post. My mom woke me up this morning and told me to check it and at first I did not figure it was going to turn out like it did and I'm incredibly happy to know I am not alone.

To answer some of your replies, you are never too old to get by this. I might be only 25, but I feel like I'm 50 sometimes. All of us here obviously have the energy and the want to, to get through this shit, that the people we love the most, have put us through. There is no doubt in my mind that all of you in here are survivors just like me and also no doubt that we will all get through this shit together because now I see the love in this room and how much it can actually help me to hear other people with the same problems.

Most of my problems have resulted in me getting arrested, me getting kicked out of my home, losing jobs, shit, just call me "can't get right". All this shit because I haven't be able to see the real solution to my problems. The real solution is opening up my heart and letting all of you strangers know about who I am. Sometimes I just hate myself and wish I didn't have to go through this shit. I feel like a freak show, but it is okay because I found you all. Thanks.

No more excuses for myself. It is time to change.

Shaun

_________________________
One With Strength...

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#40742 - 02/10/03 06:55 PM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
I stand and salute your courage my brother. Again Welcome. I envy your early start.


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#40743 - 02/10/03 08:50 PM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I once had a boss who told me I would cry at the opening of a K-Mart. It is a small exaggeration.Many of the posts here bring me to tears--it is good, cleans out my dry eyes. Thanks much.

Shaun, I hope that you can change those things you are saying to yourself. Shaun, you are a precious man who as a child had the worst thing possilbe happen to you. You are not fucked up. You are showing the evidence of a child who was harmed, nothing more or less.

I see us like a big mound of clay that we have been working on. It has no beauty--except in potency--in what it can and will become. We have to handle ourselves carefully or we wreck what we have already accomplished. We may change our minds several times before we know for sure what we want to make with the clay--ourselves.

Shaun, remember, there was a day when you were a beautiful, darling little baby. Everyone who looked at you wanted to hold you and kiss you and hug you close to them. You are still everybit as loveable as you were in those days of your infancy. You have been smashed and twisted and right now you just see the pile of clay. But believe me, your beautiful baby is in that mess, waiting for you to mold him into the fine man he has grown to be.

Dave and Mike and the guys who worked the streets. I worked them in a different way. You were driven to do what you did--you were going to do something and that is the way you went. There could have been MUCH MUCH worse ways to go--you know it. I have never meet a woman of the street who said she just loves going out and being purchased property. Everyone of my ladies had a story of the most god-awful things that drove them. I think that fancy call ladies might be different. But not the street folks.

The guys who used you probably needed you. Maybe some of them we cruds who just used you. But I am willing to bet that they truly apprecaited you and hated themselves because they needed to pay to feel someone, anyone, could show them anything that even vaguely approached affection or acceptance. Hard as it may be for you to see it, you have no idea what it is that you may well have kept them from--and for some, you may have saved their life on a night of extreme self-loathing.

I know you would puke if I told you I think you need to see that as very much less awful than you do. But it is how I feel.

I know you now, today. You are precious guys, wonderful men. We have had several guys who have posted here who did what you did. I just believe you can see that as a past that just was not a free choice for you. Today, today, you are great, loving courageous men. Let's celebrate that.

Dave, it sounds like you have a terrific wife. I hope I meet her someday if you are on this side of the pond.

Peace to all.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#40744 - 02/11/03 01:43 AM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
OneWithStrength Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/09/03
Posts: 5
Loc: U.S.
Today i called a counselor , i am on my way !!
I know it will be a long journey but i am so ready !! thanx Bob, quite inspiring words i too am a very emotional man it's all good !
me and my mom sit and cry on a good movie and i am nowhere near fem , we just have got good hearts , hang in there bob we are all on our way !!!!!

_________________________
One With Strength...

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#40745 - 02/11/03 01:58 AM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Great news OneWithStrength.

Sure are living up to your nickname.

Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#40746 - 02/11/03 05:14 AM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
Jess Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 107
Loc: California
Shaun - OneWithStrength,

Good for you, Shaun! I am very happy for you. You are on the right road. It took much courage for you to write your post here. It took a lot of courage for you to include your mom in what you are going through. It sounds like your mom is a wise, wonderful and supportive lady. You are very lucky you have her with you. Finally, you have shown great courage and have taken a great step in your own recovery by finding a therapist. You will find healing and recovery as you work with your therapist. Remember to share all the good things so that others can find encouragement from your successes. As they read your story they will also find the strength to face their own fears and start on their roads to recovery. We support each other around here. Be well, Shaun. Jess


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#40747 - 02/11/03 11:03 AM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Most of my problems have resulted in me getting arrested, me getting kicked out of my home, losing jobs, shit, just call me "can't get right". All this shit because I haven't be able to see the real solution to my problems. The real solution is opening up my heart and letting all of you strangers know about who I am. Sometimes I just hate myself and wish I didn't have to go through this shit. I feel like a freak show, but it is okay because I found you all. Thanks.
Shaun, I could have written this about myself, right down to getting arrested, getting kicked out of more than one home (yes I took the advice of The Village People and spent some time at the Y-M-C-A! ), losing jobs, and feeling like a freak, an outcast!
Shaun, my long-time theme song & favorite song has been "Couldn't Get It Right" by The Climax Blues Band!

But like you I'm also finding the solution, learning not to hate myself, beginning to find love & support--and so much of it is right here! I'm glad you're finding it! I'm glad I found it!


BTW, Shaun, I'm also glad you've found a counselor
and that you have a supportive mother. Nothing to take for granted, that's for sure--and I can tell you don't! Good for you.

Quote:
No more excuses for myself. It is time to change.

Shaun
Some good friends have been trying to get that across to me lately. So that goes for me too, Shaun. Thanks & Take Care. \:\)

Victor


_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#40748 - 02/11/03 11:22 AM Re: Survivor-Dealing with Dreams
andrew-almost52 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 243
Loc: canada
Victor & Shaun,

Quote:
No more excuses for myself. It is time to change.
Change always causes discomfort and anxiety. I would add.. change never happens until we are too uncomfortable to remain as we are.

Quote:
There is no courage without anxiety - Dr. Jan Foudraine .
Peace, Andrew


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