i was drinking coffee a couple days ago - nothing unusual - do it a couple times a day - and have for decades. suddenly it is a trigger and i am back as a kid, maybe 8-10 years old, riding in step-father's car - front-seat, passenger side. i am drinkig coffee - creamy and sweet out of the beige plastic top of a red plaid thermos, i can see and feel the color/pattern/texture of the seat's upholstery, see the dashboard knobs/levers/buttons/lights, he is driving - it is exciting - don't know where we are going but it is just the two of us - feels special and grown-up. we stop at a diner for dinner and i have hamburger steak with raw onion slices (for the first time - and i like them!) on top.
- and that's it.
don't know where we went or why. don't know why no one else was with us. i know we stayed overnight at a motel. but i don't remember any details about that - ot the rest of the trip.
and it has left me feeling very up-in-the-air. i don't knw if this is just a nice memory - for a change - and there may be no reason for any further concern... or if there is some nefarious reason why i don't remember "the rest of the story." i don't know if i should be trying to get back more details or just not worry about it. obviously my past makes me suspect the worst - but this time i don't feel much anxiety about it - but maybe that's jsut because i'm getting used to the whole thing - and it no longer has the same power to incapacitate me like it used to.
it is the vividness of the details that i DO remember that makes me wonder if there is more that i SHOULD remember. it seems important for some reason. anybody have any similar experiences with partial memories - that seem harmless - and were or were not?
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"