i was drinking coffee a couple days ago - nothing unusual - do it a couple times a day - and have for decades. suddenly it is a trigger and i am back as a kid, maybe 8-10 years old, riding in step-father's car - front-seat, passenger side. i am drinkig coffee - creamy and sweet out of the beige plastic top of a red plaid thermos, i can see and feel the color/pattern/texture of the seat's upholstery, see the dashboard knobs/levers/buttons/lights, he is driving - it is exciting - don't know where we are going but it is just the two of us - feels special and grown-up. we stop at a diner for dinner and i have hamburger steak with raw onion slices (for the first time - and i like them!) on top.
- and that's it.
don't know where we went or why. don't know why no one else was with us. i know we stayed overnight at a motel. but i don't remember any details about that - ot the rest of the trip.
and it has left me feeling very up-in-the-air. i don't knw if this is just a nice memory - for a change - and there may be no reason for any further concern... or if there is some nefarious reason why i don't remember "the rest of the story." i don't know if i should be trying to get back more details or just not worry about it. obviously my past makes me suspect the worst - but this time i don't feel much anxiety about it - but maybe that's jsut because i'm getting used to the whole thing - and it no longer has the same power to incapacitate me like it used to.
it is the vividness of the details that i DO remember that makes me wonder if there is more that i SHOULD remember. it seems important for some reason. anybody have any similar experiences with partial memories - that seem harmless - and were or were not?
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho