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#406976 - 08/16/12 01:25 AM Re: Advice about friendship please [Re: CloudyFalls]
theIrregular Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 52
Loc: Canada
Thanks, CloudyFalls..for being there for survivors like me. I appreciate it. As I said, I could never believe that things happen for a reason. But at the same time, I can understand you when you say, "..and I needed to experience what I did so I could be understanding and empathetic, so maybe I can help them better." and I respect you for holding such a view.
_________________________
theIrregular

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#406977 - 08/16/12 01:28 AM Re: Advice about friendship please [Re: Anomalous]
theIrregular Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 52
Loc: Canada
Hi Anomalous,
Thanks for following up. I'm meeting with one of the women tomorrow (see my reply to Magellan's post above).
_________________________
theIrregular

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#406990 - 08/16/12 08:56 AM Re: Advice about friendship please [Re: theIrregular]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1996
Loc: durham, north england
Hi irregula.

I really hope things go well and that you can just relax.

to be honest, while I'd never accuse anyone of being a drama king over this (I certainly don't have a right to given some o my own reactions), I do partly wonder from reading your posts if you are doing a little too much listening to self cryticism.

This is something I've had real trouble with myself so I do absolutely understand. Anything I do, part of me thinks is always bad, is always of a selfish motivation, is always no good.

If I create, write or sing something, part of me wants to pick holes, say it's stupid. If I make friends with someone, part of me wants to say i'm being manipulative, needy, or something else.

What has however helped me with this is separating out that particular voice and opinion. I know, that as a surviver of sa my self isteme is low, therefore I cannot trust my own opinion of myself. As such, i try not to listen t that opinion, sinse I know it to be biased. i think of that opinion the same way I'd think of the opinion of a man hating feminist who saw anything I did as wrong because I'm male, or of a racially hating person who saw anything I did as wrong because I'm caucasian.

such opinions are just inaccurate, and therefore are no source of truth.

I do rather wonder if irregular, when considdering making friends, conversation etc, it might help to listen to your own opinions of yourself less, and the opinions of others a little more.

both of these ladies obviously want! to spend time with you and to talk to you, s just take that as it comes and go along with it, and iff other factors in your brain say otherwise, treat them with the massive pinch of sault they require.

I've found myself I cannot change my own opinions of myself, but I can change my actions.

I really hope this idea helps and either way that you get the friendship you deserve out of this, ---- and that's my! opinion! laugh.

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#407055 - 08/17/12 04:30 AM Re: Advice about friendship please [Re: theIrregular]
Yerac Offline


Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 45
Loc: Southern CA
.

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#407057 - 08/17/12 05:42 AM Re: Advice about friendship please [Re: Yerac]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I'll second the red flags, Yerac.

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