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#405982 - 08/06/12 09:40 AM Depression rearing its ugly head again.....
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 326
So as my surgery stuff started gearing up I could see H's mood shifting down.

I am now 4 weeks post-op and things look good - other than the landslide of medical bills - but H is in a downward spiral.

Wednesday he has a DR. appt. It's been a while since he's been to one and it's been almost 4 years since his suicide attempt. He is handling the depressive episode better than he ever used to. He recognized it earlier, he is seeking treatment MUCH earlier than he ever used to and he is open to being treated.

I think it'll be OK. It's been a rough couple months so .......what can you do.....sometimes sh*t happens.

#406288 - 08/09/12 10:02 AM Re: Depression rearing its ugly head again..... [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 326
So the Dr. says "Have you had anything in your past that may be contributing to your depression?".

I am screaming in my head "SAY IT!!".

H stammers a bit - beats around the bush and confirms that there is something but not specifically identifies the issue.


I told H later (and he got a little offended) - "Give the Dr. the dialogue, teach him the language, let him help not only you, but every other adult, teenager and child he sees after you."

No one wants to be the poster boy for this, I get it. But, like I told H "You don't have to go into details. If he asked to much I would have chimed in. He wasn't going to though. It was a private room, with just the three of us and he already knew there was SOMETHING. So let him be right, help him be a better Dr.".

#406409 - 08/10/12 02:57 PM Re: Depression rearing its ugly head again..... [Re: sugarbaby]
Lavinia Offline

Registered: 12/02/09
Posts: 60
It sounds to me like you have a lot of insight, sugarbaby - definitely not clueless about your husband's issues - and you're well aware that you can't "fix" him. My feeling is that your husband's depression has gotten worse because of your recent surgery and he feels helpless because he can't take away your pain. I think what you told him about letting his doctor know about his past was a good idea. He'll tell the doctor when he is ready, and I don't think it will be a long time before he is able to disclose. In the meantime, continue to encourage him and assure him that you are feeling better after your surgery and that having him by your side during your recuperation has helped. You're doing great, I think - keep it going. Best wishes to you both!

#406702 - 08/13/12 05:48 PM Re: Depression rearing its ugly head again..... [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 326

I try. I don't feel ashamed that my H was abused. He carries shame so it get frustrating for me becuase I don't feel he should.

He is being treated with meds and we've been this route before. It'll work and he will feel better.

#406808 - 08/14/12 03:53 PM Re: Depression rearing its ugly head again..... [Re: sugarbaby]
scottyg Offline

Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 253
Loc: Seattle
I was not going to respond to this thread but I keep reading it over and over... and I think I now know why.

You say no one wants to be the poster boy for sexual abuse. True that. But at the same time we all cry out for greater understanding. So change starts at home. I've contacted a local agency, the King County Sexual Assault Resource Center to volunteer as a public speaker about abuse. I was thinking on it a long time but I did it today because of this thread. You may be frustrated with the circumstances you encounter in your daily life, but don't underestimate the power your words can have to influence others. This is what I wrote today:


I wish an oganization such as this was around 30+ years ago when I fell victim to sexual abuse. I was abducted and sexually abused not far from my home as a six year old child in 1978. As a male it is especially hard for me to come to terms with the emotions of shame and low self-esteem that follow all abuse survivors, sometimes for years. I am a whole person again and as an example of triumph over abuse I am volunteering my message and my time.

With your permission, I wish to bring this survivors story out of the shadows in order to educate, illuminate and heal. I'm willing to contribute in any way I can either through live speaking presentations, recorded video or through my writings. I've already amassed an archive of writings on a support site that I frequent called It is because there are so few advocate survivors, especially males, that I humbly offer myself.

As an aside, many sexual abuse victims carry a gender bias. There are people in the recovery community that have strong feelings one way or another because they believe all men are latent perps or, conversely, all women are hogging the "rape spotlight" and men are exempted from resources earmarked for females. I do not carry these biases and one of my goals is to bridge theese divides.

I hope that I am able to assist this organization. I look forward to your response.

I've got a bike you can ride it if you like.
Its got a basket, a bell that rings
And many other things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could -but I've borrowed it.

#406840 - 08/14/12 08:58 PM Re: Depression rearing its ugly head again..... [Re: sugarbaby]
Valkyrie Offline

Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 167
Scotty...I don't know what to what to say...there aren't words...

So I'll just leave it at thank you...

#406998 - 08/16/12 01:21 PM Re: Depression rearing its ugly head again..... [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 326
But at the same time we all cry out for greater understanding.

Exactly! The words have to be spoken. It has to become part of our culture that we can talk about the abuse of males openly. That is how (IMHO) a greater understanding will come about.

Thank you Scottyg for taking a step in that direction. smile My H's experience with the local agency (for therapy) was not so good. They lacked experience. We are in a small town though so I hope your agency is better able to open their doors.

Early on when I posted to MS I had a very unpopular post (well... popular in the sense that people didn't like it) and a wise MS guy told he (something to the effect of) " stepped in a CSA landmine...don't worry about it, it happens....keep talking...." I am glad he said that and I am glad I did and if you step on any - keep talking.

If your writings, your speaking helps 1 person. It's worth it. I write a lot as well. I have a little ebook I want to put out there but I'm trying to figure out how to do it anonymously to protect my H's comfort level. I've done other book before (photo books) so I guess I have to start a new account under an 'assumed' name. I hate that though. I am who I am, H is who H is - the POS perp is the one who ought to be hiding.... not us.

Let us know how it goes!


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