Hi clueless,

I think that the dstancing thing is somewhat typical for men, all men. I think they can only take so much closeness before they have to feel like they aren't emmeshed and need us women.

Of course, being a survivor, this appears to amplyfied 100 times. It sucks. It is painful. I see it in my husband, not his physical presence but emotionally distancing.

If you can detach from it and accept it for what it is, good for you. If you can't, like 99.9% of the women, in my guess, then I think boundaries are a good idea.

Maybe you could say "I sense you need some space at times and that is ok but to cut me off so abruptly and for such a long period of time is very hurtful to me and I fear the worst. What dcan we do so that you get the space you need and I get the reassurance I need??

This sounds really simple but would be very difficult especially for me if I am in a bad place. Maybe you could both get your needs met this way.