ok i wrote this when i was 15... i only have a few of them i ever kept.. i thought i'd share it for i don't even know the reason why.


I sit here in my bedroom after a long hard day at school
I know what will await me as soon as you come home
Can I ever seem to get a damned break from it all?
What'd I ever do wrong to deserve this cruel fate

I went to school today bruised up and highly sore yet played football
dealt with two asshole coaches today for practice
dealt with work after school and your version of my work
I just want some rest and peace i know i won't get it though

Broken and beaten down so many times i wish for death
Death that never comes
I have my son out there I know
I actually don't want death but to live and live for him

I hear you coming and what am i to do
I know what you want from me
its the same every night with you
I am your son and yet i am just a mere plaything for your amusement

Will it be only you or will it be your friends too?
How i can really deal with only you but not them
they are horrific in ways you are not
its all money for you though

you do not care that they hurt your baby boy
that the slice and dice his skin till blood runs
that they beat him to point of unconsciousness
or that they brutally rape him over and over again till he passes out from pain

your enjoyment like a horror movie
you have no feelings like i know you don't
what does it matter as long as i am doing what you want
i am never so very lucky to only it be you though

how sick am i to be sitting here wishing only you
i should be wishing neither of you or them
see what you are doing to me
you don't care either way though

i will again protect my younger self tonight
he will go deep into my mind and hide like he has been doing
he will run into my most vivid of dreams that are awesome
he will remain there until i decide to come get him and its safe

Thanks Jayy for sharing so intimate and sensitive feelings with us. I'm referring to your other poems also.
I wish that life is less complicated and that some persons were much earlier imprisoned.
Hang on buddy, you are not alone. Friendly bear shapeshifter is watching on you

Pero

(((((Jayy)))))) how very painful to read. How very near it seems, How impossible a situation, yet face it you did, survive it you did, and share it you do. I stand in awe of your courage.

G.