In less than a weeks time on this board I have learned alot that has helped me start my recovery. Most importantly I've learned that what I have been through is not unusual, that I am not alone:
1) Others feel shame and guilt about their abuse "it was my fault" is a common theme. I'm not alone.
2) Others are filled with anger and hatred..toward themselves, not their abuser. I'm not alone.
3) Others are horrified that they can feel aroused thinking about their abuser. I'm not alone.
4) Others have had their lives swallowed up by addictions to drugs, alcohol, and sex. I'm not alone.
5) Others identify themselves as straight, enjoy sex with women, yet inexplicably have gone out and had anonymous sex with numerous gay men. I am not alone.
6) Others secretly are obsessed with gay porn and masturbation. I am not alone.
7) Others have kept the secret for years, and finally had to let it out. I'm not alone.
I have let my abuser control my life for 42 years and I am pissed off that 2/3 of my life has wasted trying to contain the damage he did to me. Ruined relationships. Years spent drinking and drugging. I am going to overcome this shit if it kills me and I hope he burns in hell.
"In the burning Heart, Just about to burst
There's a quest for answers, An unquenchable thirst
In the darkest night, Rising like a spire
In the burning heart, The unmistakable fire"Survivor